That was sweet of you.Adsolution wrote:That was a pretty surreal moment for me. The idea of a child being abused by someone they're supposed to trust upsets me more than anything else.
Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums
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Re: Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums
Re: Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums
I'm seriously in a shitty place right now.
It all started tuesday night at football practice when I fumbled the ball during a scrimmage and the coach told me that the reason he had faith in me was because I was the only running back on the roster. I'm sure he didn't mean it like that (with the whole team being the developmental squad already), but it hit me that since I've graduated from high school, I have no achievement to put under my belt.
- Oh, but you went to one of the most prestigious military-schools in the world. I never could have set a foot inside if a friend of my family rigged the process to let me in. Twice.
- Oh, but you've successfully integrated an engineer school! Not the one I wanted. I had to choose the bottom of the remaining barrel
- Oh, but you successfully launched a social education service that people envy us in a 30-km radius! I've never would've gotten the gig if my father never gave me the opportunity.
- Oh, but your Youtube videos look like the stuff of pros (actual compliment I received, somehow...)! So what? Nobody even looks at the stuff aside from my core friends, and even then the data suggest they never watch it through to the end.
- Oh, but you found a job in this economy! I needed to go through a reconversion and this job is shit.
- Oh, but you can still join the Army! I've already failed the examinations twice. The third and last attempt won't be different, since I'm not eloquent enough to satisfy the jury.
Everything I want for myself, I fail. I have these projects in my head that I believe have potential but I don't want to speak about them anymore because I have no more faith that they will ever be a reality.
And this melancholy isn't helped by the fact that I realized that I was the least talented of my family despite of my situation. Right now I'm the golden boy of the family because I'm straight in my boots. But my sister has a higher ceiling because she can work the hardest and in two years time she'll an elite juror. As for my brother, he has artistic abilities far beyond what most people can ever imagine, but due to him being a slacker, he's being shrugged off. The day he picks his shit up he'll light the world on fire. And me? I have nothing to show for myself. I have a higher moral integrity. That won't get me very far.
Recently, I had the impression that I had many close friend, but I was nobody's close friend in return. Some of my friends, even when looking for a job in the neighborhood, won't come by and say hello.
So yeah, right now I'm a fucking mess. I wouldn't want to vent it any other place than here, though. I can't even explain why...
It all started tuesday night at football practice when I fumbled the ball during a scrimmage and the coach told me that the reason he had faith in me was because I was the only running back on the roster. I'm sure he didn't mean it like that (with the whole team being the developmental squad already), but it hit me that since I've graduated from high school, I have no achievement to put under my belt.
- Oh, but you went to one of the most prestigious military-schools in the world. I never could have set a foot inside if a friend of my family rigged the process to let me in. Twice.
- Oh, but you've successfully integrated an engineer school! Not the one I wanted. I had to choose the bottom of the remaining barrel
- Oh, but you successfully launched a social education service that people envy us in a 30-km radius! I've never would've gotten the gig if my father never gave me the opportunity.
- Oh, but your Youtube videos look like the stuff of pros (actual compliment I received, somehow...)! So what? Nobody even looks at the stuff aside from my core friends, and even then the data suggest they never watch it through to the end.
- Oh, but you found a job in this economy! I needed to go through a reconversion and this job is shit.
- Oh, but you can still join the Army! I've already failed the examinations twice. The third and last attempt won't be different, since I'm not eloquent enough to satisfy the jury.
Everything I want for myself, I fail. I have these projects in my head that I believe have potential but I don't want to speak about them anymore because I have no more faith that they will ever be a reality.
And this melancholy isn't helped by the fact that I realized that I was the least talented of my family despite of my situation. Right now I'm the golden boy of the family because I'm straight in my boots. But my sister has a higher ceiling because she can work the hardest and in two years time she'll an elite juror. As for my brother, he has artistic abilities far beyond what most people can ever imagine, but due to him being a slacker, he's being shrugged off. The day he picks his shit up he'll light the world on fire. And me? I have nothing to show for myself. I have a higher moral integrity. That won't get me very far.
Recently, I had the impression that I had many close friend, but I was nobody's close friend in return. Some of my friends, even when looking for a job in the neighborhood, won't come by and say hello.
So yeah, right now I'm a fucking mess. I wouldn't want to vent it any other place than here, though. I can't even explain why...
Re: Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums
And another entry in this topic,
So, my life rarely looked that meanless, I recently came to think about my current situation, which is something I refrained myself to do for safety reasons, while in the past I could simply stop to think about the issues I could have and shrug it off, now it seems impossible, to make matters worse I've got the feeling that my best days are behind me, I start to come to my physical boundaries now, I can't do some things as good as I did some years ago, sleeping deprivation doesn't help, for some reason I have lost the ability to sleep a week ago, while it wasn't that much of a problem at the beginning it became progressively worse to come at it's peak Friday, I barely slept 5 hours in 3 days, which starts to affect my abilities at work, and since I'm on the topic, let's talk about it, I work 6 days a week with Monday as the sole exception, and I actually have to care more about the stuff I'll do rather than caring about resting myself.
And outside work... well, I have nothing, I don't longer have any entertainment that sufficiently draws my attention to make me stop thinking about something, there ain't even room for anything else in my life that could draw my attention sufficently to make me feel better, to illustrate what I'm sayin I recently came to meet what's the closest of my feminine clone and I didn't even bothered to do anything, why would I frickin care to do anything, I barely have enough time for myself! And to make matters even worse, my free time depresses me even more than work, in addition I'm in doubt for every single decision I can make because of the fact I'm hesitating about who I choose to be, me, or the person I wanna be or the way people see me.
And at the opposite of Pirez, I have no close friend, but I'm everyone's close friend, which means everyone just comes by to say how baaaaaad they can feel about their fucking everyday life, how do I say that, they just know I'll tell it to nobody.
I don't even feel suicidal, whenever I come to even think about it the only thought that comes into my mind is "wait like... whaaaattt? Enduring all that shit and standing still all along and giving up now rewardless? No goddamn way, if it should have been done it was earlier, it's just too late now deal with it dude."
Yeeeesh.
So, my life rarely looked that meanless, I recently came to think about my current situation, which is something I refrained myself to do for safety reasons, while in the past I could simply stop to think about the issues I could have and shrug it off, now it seems impossible, to make matters worse I've got the feeling that my best days are behind me, I start to come to my physical boundaries now, I can't do some things as good as I did some years ago, sleeping deprivation doesn't help, for some reason I have lost the ability to sleep a week ago, while it wasn't that much of a problem at the beginning it became progressively worse to come at it's peak Friday, I barely slept 5 hours in 3 days, which starts to affect my abilities at work, and since I'm on the topic, let's talk about it, I work 6 days a week with Monday as the sole exception, and I actually have to care more about the stuff I'll do rather than caring about resting myself.
And outside work... well, I have nothing, I don't longer have any entertainment that sufficiently draws my attention to make me stop thinking about something, there ain't even room for anything else in my life that could draw my attention sufficently to make me feel better, to illustrate what I'm sayin I recently came to meet what's the closest of my feminine clone and I didn't even bothered to do anything, why would I frickin care to do anything, I barely have enough time for myself! And to make matters even worse, my free time depresses me even more than work, in addition I'm in doubt for every single decision I can make because of the fact I'm hesitating about who I choose to be, me, or the person I wanna be or the way people see me.
And at the opposite of Pirez, I have no close friend, but I'm everyone's close friend, which means everyone just comes by to say how baaaaaad they can feel about their fucking everyday life, how do I say that, they just know I'll tell it to nobody.
I don't even feel suicidal, whenever I come to even think about it the only thought that comes into my mind is "wait like... whaaaattt? Enduring all that shit and standing still all along and giving up now rewardless? No goddamn way, if it should have been done it was earlier, it's just too late now deal with it dude."
Yeeeesh.
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Re: Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums
I guess I might as well say it, what has been bothering me the most lately is myself actually. I've sort of reached the conclusion that I may have anger issues- and for years I've been trying to toss it aside. This post isn't fully an apology for how I've been acting, more so it is me taking notice of it to help better myself in the long run. These anger issues have popped up a few times recently and I usually instantly find myself regretting it after posting it. Specifically, a lot of this stems from the fact I'm quick to judge character, I don't give much of a chance for some people and kind of just make baseless assumptions sometimes. What kind of sparked this for me was I recently went on a tangent towards a somewhat close friend of mine and after typing out a really lashed out response and acting rather abrasive, I sort of realized that I may have anger issues of the sort when I couldn't back up most of my statements. When I end up losing my cool is when I really go into panic mode, and then after all of it I realize I was being incredibly stupid.
A lot of it may be myself just being incredibly anxious and stressed out, whenever I get these shitty feelings I go through the worst mood phases. I kind of had this childish mentality where I wanted to be the finisher of all discussions, and now I realize that this could potentially bite me back in the ass. During a lot of these arguments too I have a hard time keeping my composure if I'm unable to prove something wrong. I do want to put in my best effort to better myself, and I think being able to actually take notice of this is the first step, I thank those of the community who have dealt with it (although it hasn't been super prevalent here, more so then it is private chat like Skype.) I'm lucky I haven't lost any friends over this, but I don't want to further my behavior with it.
A lot of it may be myself just being incredibly anxious and stressed out, whenever I get these shitty feelings I go through the worst mood phases. I kind of had this childish mentality where I wanted to be the finisher of all discussions, and now I realize that this could potentially bite me back in the ass. During a lot of these arguments too I have a hard time keeping my composure if I'm unable to prove something wrong. I do want to put in my best effort to better myself, and I think being able to actually take notice of this is the first step, I thank those of the community who have dealt with it (although it hasn't been super prevalent here, more so then it is private chat like Skype.) I'm lucky I haven't lost any friends over this, but I don't want to further my behavior with it.
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Imco wrote:+ I just beat the hell out of my sister. That was great
Re: Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums
I had a bit of anger issues in the past, I even remember throwing a couch while screaming in The Vault when I had lost control a year ago, and the previous year a chair when angered of having my phone stolen.
With time I have learnt to fear that part of me and two weeks ago when I was about to literally blow up, I took a deep breath in and overcame the envy of destroying something.
Just think about a "you model" like a perfect version of yourself that you might wanna be, and do whatever it takes to become more of it, it is my way to better myself and solve my issues.
With time I have learnt to fear that part of me and two weeks ago when I was about to literally blow up, I took a deep breath in and overcame the envy of destroying something.
Just think about a "you model" like a perfect version of yourself that you might wanna be, and do whatever it takes to become more of it, it is my way to better myself and solve my issues.
Re: Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums
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Re: Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums
Lmao are you fucking serious?
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Re: Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums
Do you really have a twitter account called "Fifo's Issues?"
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Re: Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums
Yes, he does.
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Re: Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums
Hmm, I guess it's handy to have a personal spot to vent, though I'd hardly think Twitter would be the best option.
Re: Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums
It's more interesting than reading about someone eating at a Nandos, or some other useless and irrelevant shit.Master wrote:Hmm, I guess it's handy to have a personal spot to vent, though I'd hardly think Twitter would be the best option.
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Re: Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums
True, though I was thinking more in terms of public accessibility. We all need to vent, but public spaces like Twitter don't come across as wise spaces to air one's grievances. Though admittedly, I can't say I would know, I don't do social networks.
Re: Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums
Who cares about this shit lmao
HONK HONK: https://youtu.be/Z4OhbzSFpnk
Record Day ~ 2015: 267 posts, 20th/ 2016: 429 posts, 13th/ 2018: 450 posts, 8th
Re: Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums
That account’s locked. You can’t see tweets unless you send a follow request.
Come and participate in the annual Favorite Rayman Game survey!
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Re: Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums
Good for you wigga.Fifo wrote:That account’s locked. You can’t see tweets unless you send a follow request.
HONK HONK: https://youtu.be/Z4OhbzSFpnk
Record Day ~ 2015: 267 posts, 20th/ 2016: 429 posts, 13th/ 2018: 450 posts, 8th
Re: Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums
I spot what you're doing! Clever way to get more followers. Reeling us in like little fishiesFifo wrote:That account’s locked. You can’t see tweets unless you send a follow request.
Re: Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums
Not really – I just want to keep the tweets in that account hidden from non-approved users.Xenon wrote:I spot what you're doing! Clever way to get more followers. Reeling us in like little fishiesFifo wrote:That account’s locked. You can’t see tweets unless you send a follow request.
Come and participate in the annual Favorite Rayman Game survey!
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Re: Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums
Well, from what I see here there ain't any serious posts about any issues here, which is originally the point of that thread as far as I'm aware. So we're off topic here.
I can make a little one to stay on target.
Sooo, next week it is my birthday, and as always, I feel pretty bad before it, all those questions tormenting me, the statements, the time that goes on, the sensation of getting old, the fact that I don't really have any goal nor any motivation in what I do... All of that crap that comes at me before all my birthdays to make of it a happy day.
That was for the useless post made to stay on topic.
I can make a little one to stay on target.
Sooo, next week it is my birthday, and as always, I feel pretty bad before it, all those questions tormenting me, the statements, the time that goes on, the sensation of getting old, the fact that I don't really have any goal nor any motivation in what I do... All of that crap that comes at me before all my birthdays to make of it a happy day.
That was for the useless post made to stay on topic.
Re: Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums
Burgers float into my room...
Adsolution wrote:muse - showbiz (super mario sunshiner mario falling sound cover ending)
Re: Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums
Congratulations, you now look like a dick.
Record Day 2015 madnessAmbidextroid wrote:< was in such a rush < had no time for breakfast, so < took a fistful of corn flakes and stuffed them in <'s mouth, then poured milk over the top. It worked but it drizzled milk all over <'s front...