Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums

[Zikken]

I've been challenged to a "wanking competition" by a girl before which I respectfully declined as we were in my parents kitchen, but I always thought that was odd until now...

Well it saddens me that you don't feel anything, but perhaps it's something we can try to remedy?

Oh my god why in the kitchen.

Maybe, maybe not, worth a try.

Well if you like doing those things unlike me.
I never had teenage angst, instead I got a major and chronic depression, which lasted 4 years long and stopped last February.

I had depression myself and I still have a few symptoms now and have some short episodes of it from time to time.

Hopefully you can get out of it. Its not a fun part of life. I'm glad I got able to get out of it without any kind of pills.

It surely isn't. During the climax, when my depression was at its worst, I failed nearly every class thanks to it, lost most of my friends, was in constant war with my family, and such. Last year felt more like ten years, actually no winter last year alone felt like eighty years of non-stop pain. I'm glad that's all gone. I've managed to imporve highly this school year which I'm thankful for. That was a mess I never want to experience again.

Well i'm glad its kinda over for you! I failed my grade twice in a row because of it because I missed over 107 classes in just a year.

[MrBadGuy]

Oh my god why in the kitchen.

Well that's where the alcohol was.

[Zikken]

Always alcohol. Never going to drink that.

[MrBadGuy]

Hehehe alcohol is the best. Although I seem to have cut down over the last couple of weeks.

[Dart]

this is a very odd conversation, i've learned that Zepto doesn't feel, so i assume you feel right at home with the nobodys of KH; and that people resolve angst my masterbaiting. what ever happened to a good old punchingbag?!?

[Zikken]

What is "KH"? I do feel, I am highly emphatic, but I can't feel emotions of my own.

[MrBadGuy]

So you're just very detached from yourself?

[Zikken]

Pretty much yeah. If someone is sad, even if I do not know them, I will be sad myself. But if i'm the one who is supposed to be sad, my emotion fucks up and its just a mess of no feeling.

[MrBadGuy]

Intriguing. I assume you've been to see psychiatrists/psychologists/therapists in your time? I'd be interested to know what they said about it?
And stop me if it gets too personal.

[Dart]

Pretty much yeah. If someone is sad, even if I do not know them, I will be sad myself. But if i'm the one who is supposed to be sad, my emotion fucks up and its just a mess of no feeling.

Ooooh! that's what you meant. i'm fairly sure thats normal, happens to me all the time. "kh" is the abbreviation of Kingdom Hearts, and believe me, saying their titles without abbreviations is a mouthfull, like when i told my freind i play kingdom hearts three-houndred-fifty-eight-days-over-two and he told me he was playing kingdom hearts dream drop distance and birth by sleep.

[Dark Lum Lord]

Pretty much yeah. If someone is sad, even if I do not know them, I will be sad myself. But if i'm the one who is supposed to be sad, my emotion fucks up and its just a mess of no feeling.

I'm sometimes effected by others' emotions myself and theirs will be projected onto me. I can also relate to having a mess of no feelings. I'm actually somewhat sensitive, and I will feel my emotions, however sometimes I usually don't show it like others do so I more or less have a poker face almost all of the time and my emotions are usually only kept to myself. Sometimes I will always have times in which my emotions are fucked up and I actually get sad about not being sad over something - usually if I did something wrong. So I do have empathy and emotions, however my empathy is likely lower than the average person's and both my emotions and empathy are not expressed that normally.

[Dart]

Pretty much yeah. If someone is sad, even if I do not know them, I will be sad myself. But if i'm the one who is supposed to be sad, my emotion fucks up and its just a mess of no feeling.

I'm sometimes effected by others' emotions myself and theirs will be projected onto me. I can also relate to having a mess of no feelings. I'm actually somewhat sensitive, and I will feel my emotions, however sometimes I usually don't show it like others do so I more or less have a poker face almost all of the time and my emotions are usually only kept to myself. Sometimes I will always have times in which my emotions are fucked up and I actually get sad about not being sad over something - usually if I did something wrong. So I do have empathy and emotions, however my empathy is likely lower than the average person's and both my emotions and empathy are not expressed that normally.

I've practically sealed off the emotion of human love, i find it won't get me anywhere while i'm at school. this naturally makes me awfull at speaking to girls my own age.

[Zikken]

Intriguing. I assume you've been to see psychiatrists/psychologists/therapists in your time? I'd be interested to know what they said about it?
And stop me if it gets too personal.

They didn't help me at all. I don't remember what they said since its been years. Also its caused by my autism so I can't really do anything about it.

I've practically sealed off the emotion of human love, i find it won't get me anywhere while i'm at school. this naturally makes me awfull at speaking to girls my own age.

Funnily, the only thing I could say made me feel happy or close to that is when my best friend announced she had a crush on me. Or when I help people, like when I welcome new members on here or when I got Dark Lum Lord to come back here more often.

[MrBadGuy]

Yeah I went to a psychologist for a while and he was absolute balls.

[Zikken]

Not ever seeing one ever again. Waste of money honestly.

[MrBadGuy]

I completely agree, I got worse while I was seeing him, so I stopped and eventually just helped myself, and I'm no longer depressed

[Dart]

see, theres alway's something there to brighten your day for me its being with my freinds and my nieces and nephews. and the community is practically a big happy semi-angsty family am i right?

[Dark Lum Lord]

Pretty much yeah. If someone is sad, even if I do not know them, I will be sad myself. But if i'm the one who is supposed to be sad, my emotion fucks up and its just a mess of no feeling.

I'm sometimes effected by others' emotions myself and theirs will be projected onto me. I can also relate to having a mess of no feelings. I'm actually somewhat sensitive, and I will feel my emotions, however sometimes I usually don't show it like others do so I more or less have a poker face almost all of the time and my emotions are usually only kept to myself. Sometimes I will always have times in which my emotions are fucked up and I actually get sad about not being sad over something - usually if I did something wrong. So I do have empathy and emotions, however my empathy is likely lower than the average person's and both my emotions and empathy are not expressed that normally.

I've practically sealed off the emotion of human love, i find it won't get me anywhere while i'm at school. this naturally makes me awfull at speaking to girls my own age.

Well, I have high-functioning Autism so my social skills are not very good to begin with anyways, so I'm not very good at speaking to girls myself. In the last couple of years I had developed social anxiety and it peaked to the point during last year in which I rarely spoke at all. After therapy, I now still have social anxiety but it's much more mild so I'm able to talk and I do. I still don't talk much to people who I'm not already close with though and don't really have much of an urge too. I'm not a fan of talking in the first place since a lot of times I don't know what to say and I often times mess up when I'm talking and over all I much prefer the Internet when it comes to communication. On the Internet you have all the time in the world to plan what you want to type up in your head and I'm much greater at thinking than I am verbally speaking, and an added bonus of having as much time as you need certainly helps.

So, like I said, I can relate to having trouble speaking with girls, but I have troubles speaking with people regardless of gender. I'd have to say that I have an equal amount of trouble speaking with people of both genders. With girls that I have a crush on, I obviously have trouble since I'm too shy to speak to them, and with other girls I have trouble because I'm just shy in general when it comes to talking and, like I said, I'm socially akward. And with guys, I have an equal amount of difficulty communicating because, as mentioned, my bad social skills and the fact that I'm too shy to speak with most people I haven't aready befriended before I developed social anxiety.

It's all very complicated and fucked up so it would likely take more than two paragraphs, so I'll stop it here since nobody has time to read this crap. Oh, and I'd also like to mention that I also had seen a psychologist. Having therapy actually helped me a lot, but I still have social anxiety and a few symptoms of depression and a feeling of a sadness once in a long while here and there, albeit very mild so I'm satisfied at how I'm doing at the moment. I actually miss talking to her, because I've had many sessions with her and I've grown to like her. I'll never forget her.

[Zikken]

I got helped by my friends and girlfriend so it was pretty easy to get out of it for me this year.

So, like I said, I can relate to having trouble speaking with girls, but I have troubles speaking with people regardless of gender. I'd have to say that I have an equal amount of trouble speaking with people of both genders. With girls that I have a crush on, I obviously have trouble since I'm too shy to speak to them, and with other girls I have trouble because I'm just shy in general when it comes to talking and, like I said, I'm socially akward. And with guys, I have an equal amount of difficulty communicating because, as mentioned, my bad social skills and the fact that I'm too shy to speak with most people I haven't aready befriended before I developed social anxiety.

Honestly if you have a crush on anyone don't be shy or you might miss your chance. Not a pro in relationships here though.

[MrBadGuy]

Honestly if you have a crush on anyone don't be shy or you might miss your chance. Not a pro in relationships here though.

You might want to be careful with that one though