That's along the lines of what I was hoping for when you said you hated her initially; I don't mean that I was hoping she'd say what she did, rather that it would be something that apathetic she did to cause you to feel that way. Also, what you've described is almost identical to what caused me to finally confirm my hate for my own mother - I decided to tell her about my close 'death-troubled' group of friends (I told her that my friend's first dad shot and killed his mother, another friend lost her little brother recently, another friend's dad was a wanted criminal, another friend's parents both died and he had been cycling through foster care, and that my close friend was raped (this being before she killed herself)), and her only response was a smug "Well you should be lucky you live in such a fortunate household". I mean, that isn't even remotely true to begin with, but I presume from direct experience that you know how much that hurt. That was three and a half years ago now, and it still fills me with undying hate whenever I think about it. No apology of course, nor has it ever been referenced since, and the one sole time (about a year ago) I attempted to steer a conversation toward that to question it, before she even knew where it was going it was over.sonicbrawler182 wrote:I don't really want to go on about it anymore than I have since I already talked to a friend, but I went through a suicidal phase of my life that seriously developed in 2011, but I overcame it last year (this was before I ever even knew about this site though, so nobody need worry about this place factoring in at all). My brother and I had an argument with my mother that managed to have my suicidal time brought into it, and my mother remarked "What were ya suicidal over, Sonic wouldn't talk to ya?", and she said it in the most condescending tone possible.
Of course there was a lot going on in the argument before that and both my brother and myself have a lot to be pissed off about, but that was the part that just made me lose every ounce of respect I had for her.
She can't pull the heat of the moment excuse either - she said it calmly, and it's not the first time she has disregarded that part of my life like that. She actively refused to accept that I could be suicidal until near the end of that time of my life. So I'm not forgiving her this time, she had her chance. You should never say something like that to anyone, let alone your own offspring. Really hypocritical since she likes to go on about how family should have special forgiveness rights.
And likewise, she has some valid things to be annoyed at me about, but comparatively small things, and words like those give me no reason to want to fix any of it.
. Anyway the way I think of it now is just that death is going to happen to you, me and everyone. There are no two ways about it, it's been happening to everyone since life first existed. It's unavoidable so there's no point in worrying over something you can't stop. It just makes you treasure the time you have all the more.
