Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums

[Serza5]

-I accept that I don't have to talk to even my greatest friends really regularly. If we can't find something to talk about or we're too busy, that's fine, we just do our own thing.

I can accept that to a certain degree. But the issue here is more so the fact that I have trouble trying to keep convo with someone when we're trying to, or i'm trying to in this case. Last time I tried making convo the friend just ignored it after the first couple of IM posts only to spam funny links instead (that being the reason why i'm here). They said it was a mistake of course but that doesn't change the fact I was mentally (If I can use that here) tossed aside so I can be a link dump.

-If I'm feeling particularly lonely, I'll just start a conversation with someone and usually end up talking about really outlandish things, which helps to break the ice.

And this is where my personal struggle starts to set in; i've said before that I have hard trouble starting conversations to begin with, mostly because I despise the idea of sounding annoying to someone else, regardless of if they assure me I won't be annoying. I've had one other person tell me I just need to message them but they especially I have trouble coming up with something to talk about; while we do have some topics of interest there are certain areas in which I have made her be angry at me for saying something they don't like, otherwise it's just a blank.

[sonicbrawler182]

I despise the idea of sounding annoying to someone else

I think this is what's holding you back. I think you just need to let go of your inhibitions a little when trying to talk to people. You don't have to make a fool of yourself, I just mean to not be so worried about it.

Just try to think about whether or not what you intend to talk about seems like something that would be principally annoying to many, and if it doesn't seem like it is, it probably isn't. Of course, if you already know certain topics bug your friends, then I suppose don't talk to each friend about the things that annoy them.

[Serza5]

That's going a bit too far beyond my real issue here. It's a problem yes but it's not the issue. As stated I did in fact manage to start a conversation but in reaction my friend completely abandoned it for link spammage. So I can start conversation just not very well, the problem is keeping it flowing.

[Earth Gwee]

I know someone who link spams, but he does it only on occasion. It does get a little old after the first couple of times, but I humor him because he's going through some really rough times. Otherwise, he's a nice person to talk to. For you, I can see how you would feel hurt by something like that and how hard it is to keep a conversation going, especially when meeting someone new. I think the next time you do that just let them know you have this problem and maybe encourage them to ask questions about you and what you like.

[Adsolution]

Holy hell, I want to burn down a fucking forest right now. So I like, for like the first time in like months go tell my mother (of course, not much else to complain about) (who was watching some TV with my brother) what I'm doing this evening, and before I can even finish saying "I'm showing up to a few of my friend's band practices as a temporary drummer while theirs is on holiday, one of them being this evening", my brother immediately blurts "And how's your schoolwork?" Piss off you fuck, none of your fucking business! And then of course my mother and him instantly start their ganging-up thing where they're both yelling/screaming at me at the same time and tell me not to dare speak a word while they're doing so and that all I do is waste my bloody time, and I swear, I nearly went over there and punched her in the face. I don't understand why there's some bullfuck social obligation to put up with these utterly contemptible asswipes later in life that function with zero relevance to myself. They are not people I have any reason to go to for any kind of help or advice, whether emotional or practical, nor are they people I would enjoy being around or having a conversation with (except the latter for maybe my brother when he's not being a fucking dick). 'Family' can only be there forever if you even cared for them in the first place.

That's going a bit too far beyond my real issue here. It's a problem yes but it's not the issue. As stated I did in fact manage to start a conversation but in reaction my friend completely abandoned it for link spammage. So I can start conversation just not very well, the problem is keeping it flowing.

I can see that what they did clearly isn't helping you, but at the same time, everyone has their annoyed bouts that probably have nothing to do with you.

Being aware of your own situation is great though, even if it's not as great as being able to control it. I myself almost never start any conversations with my friends either. I might if it's about something very specific and I have a pre-planned direction, but in probably over 95% of all instant-messaging conversations I partake in, I'm not the one to send the first message, that's just who I am. I certainly think, like yourself, that the internet has helped me open up and become more social.

When conversations move to topics I'm not too knowledgeable about but they're coming from someone I might find interesting, I try and put together what from what they've said and formulate a response, even if it's literally asking them to explain so I can understand better; I don't find it to be contrived, rather quite fun if you look at it from the perspective of gaining knowledge, and being able to know more about what they're talking about, especially if it's something they themselves are very invested in. However, in cases where they don't attempt to communicate on your level at all and only use you as someone who has the patience to put up with their ramblings, they're in most cases the one in the wrong. One real-life friend I have only ever talks about his job, things that go on and things that he's done there, and never, ever shuts up. To be fair, he's working almost constantly, but every damn conversation begins and ends with his work, and usually in the middle I'll dose off and start mindlessly replying 'yeah', 'ah,' 'hah, I know what you mean', and so on. I can't just ignore them since it's real-life, so it's actually helped me to learn to change topics or begin my own conversations, something I've rarely had any reason to do before. The only objectionable side to this is that, as someone who's never been given the opportunity in real life to be 'in control' of a situation, I feel like an egotistical douche when I do anything even remotely like that. But if you look around at other people, they're mostly like that to the extreme, and you're realistically just a very humbled person trying to not be entirely passive for once.

Very prolonged periods of little to no social interaction though (a few weeks or more) will leave me wanting conversation, anything, so in those circumstances I'm glad to talk about literally anything.

Apologies if that was a bit of a digression. That's a problem I'm currently facing with the aforementioned friend, though it isn't even a problem that particularly bugs me that much since we generally have a lot of fun together, I just found it to be related.

[Serza5]

^ Nah that's more along the lines of what I wanted to see, of which I give my thanks.

I seem to be calmer about it now which is always something. Only issue now is not reverting back into that state. (I want to say more on this but nothing's coming to mind i'm afraid)

[Dart]

^ Nah that's more along the lines of what I wanted to see, of which I give my thanks.

I seem to be calmer about it now which is always something. Only issue now is not reverting back into that state. (I want to say more on this but nothing's coming to mind i'm afraid)

I was in a similar boat earlier this year (and am currently doing what I bolded)! The best thing I've come up with is talking to close friends about common interests, or anything really. As long as I keep my social gears a-turning I've found it easier to talk to people. You should give it a try, as long as its someone that'll listen and reply, it should help a lot.

[beebo44]

Over the last month or so my internet speeds have been slowly dropping. This is most prominent after 4-5PM and you could say that's my peak time but until recently the internet has stayed at the same stable speed throughout the day. Only recently, when I've started downloading more things and watching Youtube videos, and a little bit of thepiratebay from time to time, have I noticed this drop in internet speed. This is leading me to believe that my ISP might be throttling my internet, and if they are and I confront them about it I doubt they would admit it. So I think I might need to give my ISP a little call soon. #firstworldproblems

[Shrooblord]

Hey Serza - feels like crap, doesn't it? I've been where you are currently. It was in secondary school.

Although I had a close group of friends I loved hanging out with - and we had tons of fun, let me tell you, each lunch break was another barrel of laughs -, I was always 'the silent kid'. I almost never really start a conversation and the conversations I started with them sometimes didn't even last that long. Now I didn't mind there, because we were always laughing and talking anyway and I'd feel alright, but in other groups of people, I'd sometimes feel like I'd like to say something to lighten the mood or to start the convo-ball rolling, if you will, but never really could. This made me question myself. Am I boring? Do I just not have that broad of an interest palette? Do others just not get me (is that my own fault?)?

But I realised that I had a couple of close friends I could talk to one-on-one, mano-a-mano, absolutely fine. I knew there were people like my cousin too. I can ramble for days with her (but then, I've known her all her life (and since the first six months of mine!), so she's always been more of a sister to me)! I can ramble for days to another close friend I used to sit next to in secondary school. I play in a band with a guy who I can talk to about almost everything (though I don't always agree with his views, but that's natural). And I started to realise: it's their fault. I have an incredibly wide range of interests; I can talk about music, games, films, books, walks in the park, space, life, philosophy, friends, going out - you name it, and I'll enjoy talking about it! It's the people who only want to talk about what colour shirt Shirley was wearing or why Nathan is going out with Sam that I don't get to start conversations with.

And I don't mean to say they're wrong in what they talk about. It's just that our fields of preferences clash - and that's why I can't come up with anything to say to them; I have nothing to say to them. I'll listen, sure, I'll roll off of what they tell me if they speak, but they don't either - and that's because we both feel the same.

---

Anyway, I've also found that IMing is not the best way to interact socially. Things come across very differently on the screen than in person. People get misunderstood, people miss things, they go offline and that gets taken the wrong way. If you're really feeling insecure about your social situation, go out with some friends and see how you feel then. It's alright if you don't always talk about things. It can be fun without there being speaking involved! And when you're having fun and you're all into the same things, I'm sure you'll find a way to start conversations.

I'd just like to conclude saying there's basically two types of people: those who can start conversations and ramble on for days, and those who are good listeners. If I'd have to guess, you're a good listener. And that's fantastic! Can't really talk to someone if all you do is ramble right past each other. But I find myself being either one or the other considering what company I'm in. Maybe you just need to discover that group of people where you feel comfortable starting conversations with. Don't be insecure about yourself - people talk to you because they enjoy doing so. They wouldn't if they didn't.

[Adsolution]

^Pretty much all this. I also think that learning over time to elicit conversation when you've begun your way as a good listener is probably the best thing possible.


---
Unrelated, but I find this video on family relations (for those whom it may concern) incredibly agreeable:



- For anyone who knows or cares, I'm not relating this in some bigger picture to Stephan Molyneux's controversial "defooing" concept despite the title of the video. Though on that note, I do think Molyneux is a brilliant thinker, I just haven't looked into the aforementioned enough to know whether people's negative accusations are valid or not.

[saerleiya]

Well, conversation is not only about what you want to talk about, especially as you are trying to start one.

Body language is also very important, as the first impression is. Although it is not what will leads your relations with other people to great friendship, this is where all friendship starts.

Now I have almost no trouble getting in the mood of a conversation or integrating myself somewhere, mainly because I'm curious, but I also learnt to show directly to people even if they didn't know me. Back when I was in prep school, at the very beginning of the year, I tried something: I talked a lot with almost every single member of my class (we were more than 40), at least learning their first names, talknig about studies, weather and seemingly useless things. One month later, I was nominated referee of my class with another guy, while I had been trying to do so during 10 years, and always failed.

Deep personality, very good points of view, reflexion and experience makes you great friends, but in order to be able to talk with everybody, you need to talk about useless stuff sometimes, as stuff is useless because everybody is talknig about it, making it wrongly uninteresting and pointless.

It doesn't mean I have a lot of good friends. I'm kinda like Shroob' in that aspect.

About brother and mother

Don't understand the attitude of your brother: your studies are none of his business at all, he's not getting involved into that. I understand even less the attitude of your mother not represing him for what he told you.
I usually don't try to influence my brothers about their studies: not my business. But I'm asking often how it is going, and what their plans are, because I just want to know how they are, and if I can help them in any possible way. I'm the big bro', after all .

--

Something which is bothering me right now: as I will graduate soon (in 3 months or so), my parents are stressing me to search for a job by doing tons of letters and sending my CV everywhere. The problem is I'm still a bit childish about that: I don't like people telling me to do what I already know I have to do, and the more they talk about it to me, the less I want to do it. My parents are also very stressed about my brothers passing their BAC exams (equivalent for baccalaureat/A-Levels/whatever you have in your country in France), and they are also annoying my girlfriend with our family problems (I actually met my GF because she was renting my bedroom while I was far away from home studying somewhere, and she will leave soon).
I don't like people I love getting involved into family matters that don't concern them at all. I apologized to my GF yesterday about that because even if she told me I was the only person she would allow to do so, I did it anyway and was very pissed off about myself doing that.
She also told me my father was waiting for me to talk very seriously to him to get convinced I finally became an adult, and I answered I didn't see the interest of this kind of conflict: sure, if it happens, he's gonna take a very heavy morale beating, as I usually don't like to rant randomly on people I love and forgive very easily, but I have a very good memory.

Ah, family...

[incognito]

Pfff, like Ad, i self diagnosed chronophobia too.
I can't stop to think about that my most precious goods, and myself is not eternal that i will maybe die tomorrow.
That means i will leave nothing behind me, and those times im hyper paranoïd. As much as a rat.
Sometimes i even can't sleep, i feel observed, i have the sense that i can't count on no one.

[Dart]

Pfff, like Ad, i self diagnosed chronophobia too.
I can't stop to think about that my most precious goods, and myself is not eternal that i will maybe die tomorrow.
That means i will leave nothing behind me, and those times im hyper paranoïd. As much as a rat.
Sometimes i even can't sleep, i feel observed, i have the sense that i can't count on no one.

Did I miss something? when did Ad mention chronophobia? and feeling like your constantly being watched as nothing to do with the fear of time, I'm pretty sure that's just having high anxiety.

[Adsolution]

I did right here: viewtopic.php?p=922342#p922342

But I'm asking often how it is going, and what their plans are, because I just want to know how they are

He's not home often since he's either in university or elsewhere, if that's what you meant.

[Dart]

I did right here: viewtopic.php?p=922342#p922342

But I'm asking often how it is going, and what their plans are, because I just want to know how they are

He's not home often since he's either in university or elsewhere, if that's what you meant.

Oooohh, right, it was in the first freaking sentence even. kinda boon worthy that I'd already forgotten, considering how much I really enjoyed reading that. (y'know, not the part of you having fear, just that you opened up to people. its just something I admire.)

[Adsolution]

Hue, well, I think I do it too often sometimes. However, then I figure to myself "why not? That's what this thread is for. It makes me feel better" when you don't have anywhere else to share it.

[Shrooblord]

It's got to have some place to let your heart fly and your troubles wash out. It's very calming, even if nobody ends up taking notice of it.

[LoveMetal]

I did right here: viewtopic.php?p=922342#p922342

Uh, I didn't see this post at first and now I got another vision of you.

If you didn't, you should read The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus, it could help about that feeling, by analyzing life meaning and acceptation of death as a revolt. It's an essay that introduces the notion of what Camus calls the philosophy of the absurd. However if you are religious it's maybe not a good idea, except if you have a flexible mind and if you can accept points of view that are very different of yours.

[Dark Lum Lord]

What you're describing is Anarchy, a growing ideal among dissatisfied people, it means your civilisation is built upon nothing but common sense with no one in front. While this sounds ideal, I think you can immediately understand why this is an extremely scary concept. It's virtually impossible to organise, there isn't any direction, and I can almost guarantee that at one point or another, someone will attempt to rise to some kind of a power. Great leaders bring us some of our best times, and poor ones bring us into some of our worst. No leader means that nothing is certain, nothing at all. I enjoy my life as it is now, because I've started it, and the only thing that could possibly fuck it up is a nuclear war of some kind, something we're capable of having now, something that affects the entire planet, which has never been seen before in history. Having mad men way in over their head in charge is the problem with the current system, along with currency - our planet and all potential dangers would be saved if we simply erased the concept of money/dept, but what would that mean for society? Seeing as the only body with 15 trillion would be the population, the entire country is going to have to work harder and with lower pay to fix what's been done.

Yes, and I've actually identified as an anarchist for awhile now. It is a far-out idea -- in that yes, it's almost too good to be true, too difficult to work out. The whole idea of actual total freedom entices me so much that really, I can't not identify as an anarchist. Depending on my mood, I'll either prefer a 100% - or near - peaceful, anarchist society (Read: impossible, /humans are bastards); or I'll lust over what is also an anarchist society, though a chaotic one. As an adrenaline junkie attracted to petty crimes who'd likely also try higher-rank crimes in a scenario where it'd be legal in the first place, the latter does appeal to me whereas it wouldn't to most average people. Or so I assume, I wouldn't really know.

While a lot of it is our upbringing, it's all rooted in genetics. Animals naturally have an aversion to the unknown because it might be unsafe, and technically speaking, the safest way for you to live is the most 'normal' way. We can always be more open than we currently are, but given that with our current makeup we can never be truly fearless and open, conformism will always exist in one way or another, and as such, modern non-conformists will complain.

Unfortunately, that's the case. Personally, I find that without deviation from what's expected, progress is impossible. Actually, if I recall correctly, I think there's a quote very similar to that last statement.

*Google'd, Frank Zappa claimed "Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible".
Also relevant, "If at first the idea is not absurd, there is no hope for it" ~ Einstein

[sonicbrawler182]

I've honestly been holding in a lot lately, which is probably why I always feel de-motivated lately. Like, there are things I want to do, but because I've been bottling up certain feelings due to having no suitable place or person to vent them to (they are very specific matters and due to the long amount of backstory involved in some of them, I can't talk to just anyone), I find it hard to do much lately, like I need to sort out those emotional barriers before I can really start progressing any further in life. Doesn't help that I've had to put building a YouTube channel on hiatus for a while, since I had to stay with my dad for a while because of issues with my mother, and the internet up her is extremely mediocre. I can't upload much with an upload speed that is less than 1Mbps. While it's 20Mbps in my mother's. Plus, the World Cup has been on, so I can hardly get a hold of the TV to record new footage.

And I guess I've been fairly lonely for a long while, and it's just now starting to get to me. Like, every day is really starting to feel the same.

(I clicked the Rainbowise button by accident, sorry)