Pluses (+) and minuses (−) of this day

[Adsolution]

- Last year, one of my cats disappeared and was stuck in the floor, but managed to find her way out after only a day. Afterward, I suggested that the holes near the entrance of our house get boarded up. Apparently no one took my suggestion, and now she's lost again, and it's been nearly two days. No one knows where she is, but my mother swears she heard meows coming from some wall, or maybe the floor or the ceiling. I spent about seven hours today looking for her, starting with the attic, then all around every crevice the shed. I even built a thing to attach a flashlight and a webcam to so I could look inside one of the holes , but I couldn't see far around the corner because the thing I was using was stiff. I'm trying to find some gorilla snake flashlight online that I can buy as soon as possible, but since everything is obviously closed already, I won't be able to get anything tomorrow (if I can even find anything here), and by that point, she'll have been stuck for two days...

[Earth Gwee]

I hope your cat gets found safe and sound soon, Ad. That's awful!

[Haruka]

Oh my, I hope your cat appears again.

It is for those kind of situations that the Vets in here can implement Identification Chips on dogs and cats to avoid fleeing animals.

[OCG]

That is why my dog has GPS chip just in case so he can be tracked anytime.
I hope you find your cat Ad

[Master]

Oh dear, having one's cat stuck within the floorboards...that's not a nice thought at all. Hope you'll find her safe and well, Ad.

[Shrooblord]

It's more that I can't really find people at all. There's not really anyone that I can match up with myself, or feel like they share some similar interests or humour or anything really.

Keep looking! I can't even begin to explain the sensation I had when I came to the places I now enrolled in as - yeah, what do you call those in English - studentenverenigingen. Everyone there was likeminded and, while I've had no trouble making friends in the past, it's incomparable to coming to a place where everyone you meet is instantly someone you'd like to hang out with for a while (and of course it's a bit of an exaggeration to say that it's everyone you meet, but it gets pretty damn close).

So my advice: keep looking. You may find your friends in incredibly unlikely places or situations. Don't give up on yourself, don't give up on others. Be open enough to let people into your life but not so open as to detail your every life event at your first meeting. ;P

But yeah - lying about your personality is never something you should have to do to get to be friends with someone. Friends are your friends because they like you, not because they like who you pretend to be.
---


Adsol, this is a completely lame suggestion, but have you tried putting some food out in front of the hole? Cats have a tendency to suddenly remember how to get themselves unstuck when you bring them food. The moments you see kittens rush down five meters of tree because you put down something they like, when they were beforehand 'stuck' there - hah!
If that doesn't help, I wish you serious luck. Usually cats are clever enough to be able to find their way back out of wiggly situations or places, but of course I have no idea what the environment underneath a house's floorboards is like for an animal to be stuck in.

[Adsolution]

I even initially suggested we put tracking collars onto them, and the response was a "no, that's not necessary". Seriously, my mother may be an animal lover and I'm in support of many of the fabrications that get written down when accepting a pet from the rescue shelter (they don't want your pet going outside at all, for example), but one of the number one rules is to not leave small spaces open you can't get into yourself, and even after it already happened once, no extra measures were taken. I'm pretty sure Auri's gone now. I was up for at least two or three hours crying last night, I love them so much. Dido, Auri's brother, has been stuck to me, meow-crying for pretty much the entire day as well, he's devastated. Naturally it's put me in a bad mood today, but everyone else in this house is totally perky, as if nothing's happened, and my brother some-hell-how interpreted my 'annoyed/lifeless voice' as an attack against him.

Well, Dido will certainly be getting a tracking collar. This is completely unacceptable.

[OCG]

Don't lose hope Ad

[iHeckler9]

- Extreme paranoia has overtaken me and it's driving me mad with grief.

[Adsolution]

- And now, after I finished recording the guitar to a song with my friend which he wrote, my mother started literally screaming and swearing at him and then me, because he's been very slow to pay me back some money he owes me - she even went as far as to get up in his face, at which point he backed away and she started basically chasing him while yelling at the top of her lungs. It's absolutely none of her business, she has no idea what the situation is, and now he doesn't want to come over again for a while because he's legitimately afraid of her, and I don't blame him one bit. It looks like I'll have to start recording elsewhere, or waiting until she's gone for the night to do so.

- She took my keys again and is now forcing me to give her $150 of my own money every month because of this and some other nonsense.

- My allergies have been terrible this past week, I'm sneezing every few minutes.

- Whoops, now she just barged in my room and snatched my laptop, dropping it straight to the floor, knocking the hard drive out. This in combination with everything prior, as well as Auri makes me wish she would simply die, but then I would feel bad, as she's an insane, detestable, fucking asshole who happens to work all day and is treated by a sadistic fucking asshole (her ex-husband/my father). I would rather smash or burn something down, or not, since I wouldn't hurt a fly, simply run, but I have nowhere to go. This house is run by abusive, delusional delinquents, and I'm seething with hate. I want to throw up.


^I apologise for all this crap, I have few others to share it with, and there's little I can do.

Keane, follow Shrooblord's advice and keep looking indeed. I'm positive that there are quite a few people even within your own school whom you'd make great friends with, but it's often the case where two closed-off people sitting right next to eachother might never even meet if they've never open up in the first place. It isn't easy to do this on your own, which is why schools have guidance counsellors, but sometimes even they aren't doing well themselves, at which point the only solution may be to take matters into your own hands. I feel for you strongly, please succeed!

[Earth Gwee]

@Ad: I'm not sure how much Canadian laws differ from the States, but shouldn't you be able to get some legal compensation for all that abuse? I just don't understand why you're being forced to live that way.

[Keane]

That's fucking ridiculous Ad. Got any sort of plan or date by which you'd like to get the hell out of there?

Keane, follow Shrooblord's advice and keep looking indeed. I'm positive that there are quite a few people even within your own school whom you'd make great friends with, but it's often the case where two closed-off people sitting right next to eachother might never even meet if they've never open up in the first place. It isn't easy to do this on your own, which is why schools have guidance counsellors, but sometimes even they aren't doing well themselves, at which point the only solution may be to take matters into your own hands. I feel for you strongly, please succeed!

Oh yeah, of course, I'm never gonna stop trying.

- My parents are having another one of their phases where they get extremely irritated by the slightest thing and my mother is all about fixing my sleeping schedule again. She came in at 1 AM today, so hopefully I can escape to school tomorrow to avoid her already beginning her speech about how disappointed she is. She didn't say anything when she came in, just gave me that dreadful stare, then heard her mutter something along the lines of "my god, awful".

- And that's all probably because my brother's been secretly keeping track of when I sleep and blurting it out to her whenever I do something that bothers him. He's staying with us again all the way until mid June, I can't fucking believe it. I've never felt as relaxed as the ten days he was gone, and I've lost any patience with him. Unfortunately me telling him to piss off five times a day results in him blaming it on "being too tired from my lack of sleep" and of course my mother is gullible enough not to realise what he's doing.

+ I felt like I was bothering someone over Tumblr with my perhaps a little too often messages, but surprisingly she seems to really enjoy my presence, although we're both a bit too shy to just come out and go "let's be friends". Doesn't really bother me though, just seeing her around, occasionally replying to something, makes me pretty peaceful. Nice to have someone around like that.

[Adsolution]

@Ad: I'm not sure how much Canadian laws differ from the States, but shouldn't you be able to get some legal compensation for all that abuse? I just don't understand why you're being forced to live that way.

I would say so if the situation were more obvious, but it's complicated. As it stands, it's unlikely that it would be perceived as 'abuse', as given that I'm eighteen, I can be subject to virtually anything that isn't physically or emotionally impairing to a criminal extent; if I'm living under her roof, I've technically consented to everything being done so far. The morality police don't exist. Now if this were ten years ago, I could have reported my parents for physical abuse, but there's probably a good reason my mother doesn't do that anymore (except for the odd swipe once in a long while). Even before I turned eighteen, despite the fact that it's become harsher now, it's unlikely my words alone would have sufficed unless I made myself come across as legitimately traumatised and afraid, because what's being done, for the most part, simply isn't considered criminal.

The dealbreaker here that makes her and others (including my straight-A-high-achiever brother) believe I 'deserve' anything that's coming to me is that I haven't graduated high school, I'm a year late, because I've been so focused on my own stuff, which I pretty much work on constantly whenever I'm awake. She perceives me as useless and lazy because I don't do my schoolwork, even though I'm constantly occupied being 100% productive in my free time, and I usually simply forget about school - it hasn't caused me any problems yet, and I've landed quite a bit of money so far. It isn't that I don't care about school, it's that that's all she cares about, and the only time she takes any kind of an interest in what I'm doing is when she's showing me off. She'll even literally ask me how good of a mother she is, and if I hesitate, she'll get enraged. She'll even tell me to tell my father (and others) what a 'good' mother she is, which of course I ignore and never do. None of this is technically criminal, just a case of a disgustingly overpowered human being walking a fine line. Obviously as you grow older you become more aware, and to compensate, her punishments reduced from literal beating to less-'technically abusive' forms. No matter what the time though, it's always been enough to keep me miserable, angry and completely submissive. Actually no, I wasn't 'angry' as a kid, I was just weird, lost in my own world and horribly confused, and would often attract a lot of attention from my school's administration and other officials for my childish and, er, relatively 'feral' behaviour. Somewhere during sixth grade though, I came through into the real world and my sociability drastically improved, which made me all the more aware, bringing on stuff like questioning my gender, as well as understanding and feeling angry about past events.

As for what you mentioned about Canadian law, whereas many places in the US now forbid it entirely, corporal punishment (hitting, etc) is still allowed here as long as it doesn't cause prolonged bruising or emotional trauma. While my parents would punish me as such many times a day (to the point where I'd be getting hard slaps on the hand and face once an hour for things I didn't even understand), they didn't cross the line as often, but still would maybe a couple times a month (usually my father, would often lose control and just go wild). It was only frequent enough to have my elementary school teacher notice once, after spotting a harsh bruise on my face that could be seen from a mile away. I begged to not get taken away because I was eight-years-old.

That's fucking ridiculous Ad. Got any sort of plan or date by which you'd like to get the hell out of there?

I have a plan, but it requires me to drop many of my current activities in order to finish fecking school, which is much less an issue with my mother and more a personal one to overcome. I hope to be living in London, probably in a flat or residence with Rulez before I turn 21, preferably less than six months after my 20th birthday, which would be in a bit under two years. Winter-Spring 2016, I'll say.

And that's all probably because my brother's been secretly keeping track of when I sleep and blurting it out to her whenever I do something that bothers him. He's staying with us again all the way until mid June, I can't fucking believe it. I've never felt as relaxed as the ten days he was gone, and I've lost any patience with him. Unfortunately me telling him to piss off five times a day results in him blaming it on "being too tired from my lack of sleep" and of course my mother is gullible enough not to realise what he's doing.

That is really damn confining, I can relate, having had similar experiences with people in the past. Let's hope he moves out for good soon.

[OCG]

- Are they out of their minds????
http://www.joystiq.com/2014/04/22/pac-m ... er-this-y/
The first game failed in sales, why another one? I hope at least Monkey Bar Games won't be developer like on the first one, and shame on Namco for just trying to make a quick cash and they would hire anyone to make Pac-Man game. Why not a new Pac-Man game in the same universe like new Pac-Man RPG for android? Would be way better than this Ghostly Adventures universe trash.

[Earth Gwee]

@Ad: I'm not sure how much Canadian laws differ from the States, but shouldn't you be able to get some legal compensation for all that abuse? I just don't understand why you're being forced to live that way.

I would say so if the situation were more obvious, but it's complicated. As it stands, it's unlikely that it would be perceived as 'abuse', as given that I'm eighteen, I can be subject to virtually anything that isn't physically or emotionally impairing to a criminal extent; if I'm living under her roof, I've technically consented to everything being done so far. The morality police don't exist. Now if this were ten years ago, I could have reported my parents for physical abuse, but there's probably a good reason my mother doesn't do that anymore (except for the odd swipe once in a long while). Even before I turned eighteen, despite the fact that it's become harsher now, it's unlikely my words alone would have sufficed unless I made myself come across as legitimately traumatised and afraid, because what's being done, for the most part, simply isn't considered criminal.

The dealbreaker here that makes her and others (including my straight-A-high-achiever brother) believe I 'deserve' anything that's coming to me is that I haven't graduated high school, I'm a year late, because I've been so focused on my own stuff, which I pretty much work on constantly whenever I'm awake. She perceives me as useless and lazy because I don't do my schoolwork, even though I'm constantly occupied being 100% productive in my free time, and I usually simply forget about school - it hasn't caused me any problems yet, and I've landed quite a bit of money so far. It isn't that I don't care about school, it's that that's all she cares about, and the only time she takes any kind of an interest in what I'm doing is when she's showing me off. She'll even literally ask me how good of a mother she is, and if I hesitate, she'll get enraged. She'll even tell me to tell my father (and others) what a 'good' mother she is, which of course I ignore and never do. None of this is technically criminal, just a case of a disgustingly overpowered human being walking a fine line. Obviously as you grow older you become more aware, and to compensate, her punishments reduced from literal beating to less-'technically abusive' forms. No matter what the time though, it's always been enough to keep me miserable, angry and completely submissive. Actually no, I wasn't 'angry' as a kid, I was just weird, lost in my own world and horribly confused, and would often attract a lot of attention from my school's administration and other officials for my childish and, er, relatively 'feral' behaviour. Somewhere during sixth grade though, I came through into the real world and my sociability drastically improved, which made me all the more aware, bringing on stuff like questioning my gender, as well as understanding and feeling angry about past events.

As for what you mentioned about Canadian law, whereas many places in the US now forbid it entirely, corporal punishment (hitting, etc) is still allowed here as long as it doesn't cause prolonged bruising or emotional trauma. While my parents would punish me as such many times a day (to the point where I'd be getting hard slaps on the hand and face once an hour for things I didn't even understand), they didn't cross the line as often, but still would maybe a couple times a month (usually my father, would often lose control and just go wild). It was only frequent enough to have my elementary school teacher notice once, after spotting a harsh bruise on my face that could be seen from a mile away. I begged to not get taken away because I was eight-years-old.

I have a plan, but it requires me to drop many of my current activities in order to finish fecking school, which is much less an issue with my mother and more a personal one to overcome. I hope to be living in London, probably in a flat or residence with Rulez before I turn 21, preferably less than six months after my 20th birthday, which would be in a bit under two years. Winter-Spring 2016, I'll say.

I think I now have a better understanding. Thanks for writing it all out. I sincerely hope you make it London and get away from your family. You deserve it.

[Rulez]

+ I made this thing.



- I had to deal with recording that shit while I was sick so it's out-of-time at times (haha I said time twice in a row isn't that funny?).
+ today I had the first two of my middle school exams. I nailed Polish but didn't do so well at history and social studies. Still, that's none of my concern because I'm staying at music high school so nobody cares about my results
- tomorrow there will be two more exams, this time maths and geography/biology/physics/chemistry, and I'm gonna fuck that second one up bad, sadly.
+ but why do I care
+ and on Friday we're doing two exams from English, I think I'm gonna fuck them in the ass

+ Summer is coming, and hopefully, Adsolution and I will do A LOT for Adsoul, and I can't stop getting all tingly about it!

[incognito]

(+/-) Its my birthday.

(-) im too busy

[Shrooblord]

Nice thing there, Rulez!


My stars, Cody, that is excruciatingly horrid. I hope you don't mind me using yer name here, but it just got to a point where I feel I need to be able to tell you these things in the most personal way I can. I wish I were there and I could, I don't know, give you a hug and punch that woman in the face - this atrocity shouldn't befall anyone, but especially not someone as naturally kind-hearted as you. What have you done to deserve this? Nothing. But you can take all this hardship and anger, rage, sorrow and turn it into something beautiful - I think you already have and continue to do so. Keep putting all that love into what you love doing most, because it's worth being able to have at least that as an outlet in your life. I do hope you are able to complete what you must there and leave it all behind as soon as you want to. Keep strong and keep true to yourself - fuck them. Seriously, fuck those asshats and be among people who do care. Maybe it's not what you need most in life, but it's sure as Hell a lot better than being around those pricks.
But at the same time, look at who you are now - I think they've given you the perfect tools to sculpt your mind into one that looks at the world in all honesty, sees it for its flaws, but sees its beauty too, and is able to react and respond like one of the most sober, calm and understanding people I know. Seriously, Cody, you fucking rock. Keep on singin' your song. It's the most beautiful and sadly tragic ones I know - and it fills my heart with pain and joy - but moreso of the latter, because I feel for you and know you're still here and you're still marching on.

I'm not sure how to conclude this message, for once - I could practically go on forever with this. However, I think I've said what I wanted to say and I hope I could at least make you smile. That's enough.

Thank you, Codes - you're sincerely awe-some (with exaggerated pause in pronunciation).

[MisterDark'sFanClub]

- I gave up future soldier training and exercise for two weeks to focus on homework, and now I'm paying the price.

THIS SUCKS! I lost my motivation to even exercise on my free time. I can't even jog a mile in 9 minutes anymore!! Now I'm back down to 11! 11 MINUTES A MILE! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?! Ugh. Gotta get that motivation back! IMMEDIATELY!!

+ It's raining today! Hopefully it keeps raining; that way I can exercise better! It's easier for me when it's wet out.

+I got back into the SCP Foundation. Ever since reading that Mass Effect/SCP crossover. Fanfiction ideas are coming slowly.

-Lost my flashdrive awhile back. It's just now dawning on me that, without that flashdrive, I no longer have the next chapter to my Rayman fanfiction or the signature I was working on for my account here. *ssssiiiiiiiiigggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh*

[GOT4N]

- Got 4,5/10 at my math test