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For the longest time I've had this fear of, I don't want to say the dark exactly. Can't find the right word for it but it's not a straightforward fear of the dark. Anyway, more recently I've noticed that when I'm either brushing my teeth or just lying in bed trying to fall asleep, I'll start to play out scenarios in my head. And these are scenarios that only serve to increase my fears, things like 'what if someone has snuck into our house and is killing my loved ones', or 'what if there's someone watching us from nearby with evil intents' and the likes. It makes me go down to my primal instinct of survival, and I wonder if that sort of situation occurred whether I would try to save my loved ones or leave them for dead. It really worries me, especially since I have a fear of death and being remembered. I feel like I might suffer from mild paranoia.

How old are you again, beebs? I remember going through a similar phase around 13/14-ish. It passed though, one day realising that my fears were completely irrational.

For instance, I'd imagine there'd, for some reason, be snipers on my neighbours roof waiting to take a shot at me as I got up the stairs. This probably originated from seeing some action movies when I was just a little too young to not be too influenced by them.
But, in fact, having had these fears is good - and perhaps it was a good thing I saw those movies. Because then I learned to see my fears for what they are and face them. Then they died.

I'll tell you a story about when I was little.
I was afraid of graveyards when I was younger, around eight to tennish. They made me feel sad and made me think about things I didn't want to think about. I distinctly remember one nightmare I used to have about graves. It was real silly if you read about it now, but back then, it scared the living poops out of me! Basically, what would happen is there were four or five graves in a row. Skeletons would emerge from them and start walking towards you. The graves started dancing by moving in and out of the ground and the skeletons' heads spun on their necks. Then I'd wake up in terror. Actually sounds quite amusing, but again, my nightmares.
One day I was on vacation in England with my family in a little cottage home just outside a graveyard. My aunt invited me over for a walk through the hills and I told her I didn't want to because I was afraid of the stones and their cemetary. She took me through it, showing me how peaceful it was, rather than scary. A place where people came to remember and to think about life. I saw various graves with beautiful poetry on them, pieces of art hewn out of stone, memories written on someone's final resting place... from that day on I've come to respect and like graveyards for the same reasons that they helped me conquer my fears. They're a place of solace, a place of ease and quiet. Bad memories, yes, but fantastic ones also. They're quite mystical places, really, and they often fill me with wonder.
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Beebo, you can't ever know what you'd do in certain situations until they arise. You must know that you will do what you feel is right. It's what you should do, too. If in severe danger, your instincts will take over and, yes, those instincts will guide you. You must be content with what they provide you, for they, at some level, define who you are. There's a lot more layering on top of that, of course, but your instincts make you that primal animal upon which the rest of your thoughts and emotions are built. Embrace that animal. You cannot run from yourself. You shouldn't.
There's nobody watching you. And if there is, flip them off and turn your head. Go to sleep, dream easily. Good night.

Thanks Shroobie, I appreciate the comforting words. I know these thoughts are irrational, it's just a thing I can't stop. Kind of like when you try really hard not to think of something and end up thinking of it in gruesome detail. In any case, I'll take your word of advice and I will try and sleep well. And yes, I am indeed 14.

Personally, I was having slight suicidal thoughts, dissociation, etc., recently. It's vanished by now though.

beebo44 wrote:For the longest time I've had this fear of, I don't want to say the dark exactly. Can't find the right word for it but it's not a straightforward fear of the dark. Anyway, more recently I've noticed that when I'm either brushing my teeth or just lying in bed trying to fall asleep, I'll start to play out scenarios in my head. And these are scenarios that only serve to increase my fears, things like 'what if someone has snuck into our house and is killing my loved ones', or 'what if there's someone watching us from nearby with evil intents' and the likes. It makes me go down to my primal instinct of survival, and I wonder if that sort of situation occurred whether I would try to save my loved ones or leave them for dead. It really worries me, especially since I have a fear of death and being remembered. I feel like I might suffer from mild paranoia.

I know exactly what you mean. I'm specifically remembering a night not too long ago, during which I became paranoid and kept thinking that an individual broke into our house and murdered my mon, retreating to my closet afterwards. The fact that I was watching a horror movie and fell asleep for nearly an hour didn't help. When my dad - who works the night shift - came home I was convinced that he was killer. All I can say is that nighttime thoughts are never peachy, unless it's really late in which I'll laugh my ass off at anything and everything, and try my best not to wake up the neighborhood.

beebo44 wrote:For the longest time I've had this fear of, I don't want to say the dark exactly. Can't find the right word for it but it's not a straightforward fear of the dark. Anyway, more recently I've noticed that when I'm either brushing my teeth or just lying in bed trying to fall asleep, I'll start to play out scenarios in my head. And these are scenarios that only serve to increase my fears, things like 'what if someone has snuck into our house and is killing my loved ones', or 'what if there's someone watching us from nearby with evil intents' and the likes. It makes me go down to my primal instinct of survival, and I wonder if that sort of situation occurred whether I would try to save my loved ones or leave them for dead. It really worries me, especially since I have a fear of death and being remembered. I feel like I might suffer from mild paranoia.

I tend to have that often myself, like if I have an exam result coming in i'd always imagine scenarios in which I received a fail grade out of fear. Only suggestion i'd have is that you do have control over this then you should try and push a more positive scenario, for instance, if you go through a scenario where someone is trying to kill you image getting your favourite character in trying to kill the man. In other words you should try fighting back against these sort of thoughts.

A little hint :

Cut all the lights and walk slowly in the dark.

My hairdressing was fucked up today, and interestingly, it's pissed me off more than most things recently, like really fucking pissed me off. Why? I have to go around like this for months now while I wait for it to grow back, and I'm extremely particular about my hair. I specifically asked for any cutting to simply be evening out, and that I wanted the sides to remain the same length. I have my glasses off during this since otherwise dye will get onto them, and as such, I can't clearly see progress until it's done - I didn't even get a good look until I was home. I also requested that it be spiked up in a certain way that's tall and wiry (I even gave a reference image). Once I got home, I found that at least an inch had been chopped off, I had almost no sides, and the spiking job was so far from the reference image it's not even remotely comparable. I look like a fucking douche with this cut.

I know this sounds like it's about something as puerile as self-appearance, but to me, when I have such a particular style I'm always trying to go for, it's like having your eyebrows shaved off or a huge-ass bruise on your face, but this will take at least a month or two to fade. I have to go around in public for that long looking like an asshole with none of my clothes matching what's on my head. I completely freaked out when I got home and looked in the mirror, I'm furious.

My hairdresser is so sweet, and we always have these really nice conversations, but it's as if she never seems to get exactly what I'm going for when working with shorter hair (shorter, as in less than four inches), she always cuts off too much. Other times it's come close and I've been satisfied enough (it usually turns out how I like in the span of a week or two), but this has made me downright upset, I don't want to show my face to anyone until it's grown back, I don't even want to look at myself, and I've got two fucking gigs on stage in front of 500 people at a night market in the next two weeks.

Adsolution wrote: My hairdressing was fucked up today, and interestingly, it's pissed me off more than most things recently, like really fucking pissed me off. Why? I have to go around like this for months now while I wait for it to grow back, and I'm extremely particular about my hair. I specifically asked for any cutting to simply be evening out, and that I wanted the sides to remain the same length. I have my glasses off during this since otherwise dye will get onto them, and as such, I can't clearly see progress until it's done - I didn't even get a good look until I was home. I also requested that it be spiked up in a certain way that's tall and wiry (I even gave a reference image). Once I got home, I found that at least an inch had been chopped off, I had almost no sides, and the spiking job was so far from the reference image it's not even remotely comparable. I look like a fucking douche with this cut.

I know this sounds like it's about something as puerile as self-appearance, but to me, when I have such a particular style I'm always trying to go for, it's like having your eyebrows shaved off or a huge-ass bruise on your face, but this will take at least a month or two to fade. I have to go around in public for that long looking like an asshole with none of my clothes matching what's on my head. I completely freaked out when I got home and looked in the mirror, I'm furious.

My hairdresser is so sweet, and we always have these really nice conversations, but it's as if she never seems to get exactly what I'm going for when working with shorter hair (shorter, as in less than four inches), she always cuts off too much. Other times it's come close and I've been satisfied enough (it usually turns out how I like in the span of a week or two), but this has made me downright upset, I don't want to show my face to anyone until it's grown back, I don't even want to look at myself, and I've got two fucking gigs on stage in front of 500 people at a night market in the next two weeks.

Since you've brought this up, I'm gonna rant about something which has been bothering me for quite a while now - By the way, I'm assuming that you're a male, so correct me if I'm wrong.

I don't mean to offend anyone with this, but what's up with so much of todays' male population having long hair? Not only do you have a lot of extra work with it, but also, when MY hair gets longer than 2 inches (at the very most!), I gotta pay a visit to my coiffeur (don't know the english word) because it gets too freaking hot. And it's one thing for girls to have long hair, what's with looking attractive and stuff like that, but - and again, I don't mean to offend anyone with this - in most of the cases, it just looks ridiculous on guys, and I can't see how girls could actually go for that (but maybe that's just me being straight a.k.a. I can't bring myself to admire the looks of guys either way). And to top it off, some guys let it grow enough to cover their eyes; you can't tell me you can see anything like that.

It's especially bad when some guy's sitting somewhere next to you in the subway or in front of you at the university, and he has to adjust his long hair every 20 seconds because the effin' bangs are covering his eyes. Meaning, every 20 seconds, I can see something moving out of the corner of my eyes, and it starts ticking me off, and I'm always sitting there thinking "GOD DAMMIT, JUST GET YOUR HAIR CUT!".

I have to say it again: I'm not meaning to offend anyone, so could one of those people I was referring to tell me: What's so great about having long hair as a guy? Maybe it's just me, but to sum it up: It often looks ridiculous; you've got a ton of work with it; your head gets freakin' hot; and worst case, you can't see sh*t, and start annoying everyone around you. Just wonderin'.

Maz wrote: I gotta pay a visit to my coiffeur (don't know the english word)

This is what you are looking for (not that hard though, I mean, I guess you're French/Belgian/Quebecois/using French, but Ad' actually used this word in his previous post) :

Adsolution wrote:My hairdresser is so sweet

Okay, showed like that, seems a bit odd, but whatever.

Maz wrote:I don't mean to offend anyone with this, but what's up with so much of todays' male population having long hair?

Think about all that you've learnt since you were born. Most people find a lot of others' habits strange and weird because they were conditioned by their environment to have this type of reaction. As long as you are not messing with the law, you can do whatever you want. But nowadays, people also learnt to be more flexible and open-minded about who exactly they are. Would you like somebody to tell you you can't wear this specific type of clothes, or shoes, or just hunt animals with a bow and arrows instead of a gun because "this is not good because it is like that, it's over"?

We are all conditioned by our environment because we can't do anything else if we want to survive, it's a reflexe. The big thing is to be able to reconsider the way you have been conditioned. I'm not telling you to change everything, just to ask yourself some questions if you happen to be shocked, or mad at something : "Am I right to react like this? Is it my personal choice or what I learnt?"

Maz wrote: I can't see how girls could actually go for that

Some girls actually have their hair cut short, and some guys happen to love it. See what I mean ?

Maz wrote: Meaning, every 20 seconds, I can see something moving out of the corner of my eyes

The volume of your headset is not high enough, LISTEN TO DA MUSIC AND FORGET EVERYTHING ELSE!

Maz wrote:What's so great about having long hair as a guy?

Like everything can be: think about the girls again, what's great to have so long hair with so many things to do in order to make them look nice?

Maz wrote:I'm not meaning to offend anyone

I appreciated your point of view. I like people showing what they think, it helps me think about what I'm thinking myself about that. It's hard for me to give my own personal point of view right away, which is also why I quoted some much of yours, not to be offending, but because it was rather interesting.

Adsolution wrote: when I have such a particular style I'm always trying to go for

Ah, hair style...I'm pissed off anyway about that, because I always have the feeling that if I really want to do something like that, I have to go see the haidresser every two weeks :p. I'm pretty much changing my hair style as soon as my hair are not suitable anymore for the current one. I'm just lazy.

Adsolution wrote: I don't want to show my face to anyone until it's grown back, I don't even want to look at myself, and I've got two fucking gigs on stage in front of 500 people at a night market in the next two weeks.

Time to find alternative clothes, and quick! You know, clothes you can use with a lot of style, so if something's messed up randomly, you don't have everything else ruined.

Maz, that entire post of yours is about as ignorant as someone claiming that playing music is just pressing buttons mindlessly, while 'not meaning to offend anyone' by saying so. I hardly even know how to respond, but I'll try.

Maz wrote:but what's up with so much of today's male population having long hair?

How is the long hair demographic any greater now than it has been at any other point in history?

Maz wrote:It's especially bad when some guy's sitting somewhere next to you in the subway or in front of you at the university, and he has to adjust his long hair every 20 seconds because the effin' bangs are covering his eyes. Meaning, every 20 seconds, I can see something moving out of the corner of my eyes, and it starts ticking me off, and I'm always sitting there thinking "GOD DAMMIT, JUST GET YOUR HAIR CUT!".

Let me guess, I'm assuming you wouldn't tell a female constantly pushing her hair to the side to cut her hair, because you find the long hair attractive, and that would ruin the style of personal expression she's put together - you'll probably want to tell her to figure out how to keep it out of her eyes instead so that she can maximise practicality without hampering her style. You know, automatically pushing bias aside so that you can appear momentarily noble (which you know you actually are inside) enough to get in her pants.

On the other hand, if it's a guy you're referring to, finding him unattractive (for obvious reasons) means that his personal expression doesn't matter anymore, clearly, going by your train of thought.

Maz wrote:What's so great about having long hair as a guy?

And, what's so great about having long hair as a girl? This is the most non-sequitur part of your post so far, because you've completely eliminated your own point of view and stood from the perspective of the one with the hair, which consequently nullifies the question you literally just asked. If the only problem you have with guys having long hair is that you don't like the way it looks on them (as opposed to the way it looks on girls), then if the guy likes long hair on himself (which he clearly would if he had it), the answer would be the exact same as it would be coming from a female if you'd asked them the question I responded to yours with.

Maz wrote:Maybe it's just me, but to sum it up: It often looks ridiculous; you've got a ton of work with it; your head gets freakin' hot; and worst case, you can't see sh*t, and start annoying everyone around you. Just wonderin'.

Only one of these points you've stated utilising your own logic/feelings can't be used against females with long hair as well: "it looks ridiculous". A ton of maintenance, a hot head, not being able to see, and annoying other people. But yeah, we can let them deal with all that because she's nice to look at.


I'm sure you're well-aware of the fact that your bias is illogical and that you just want to share these feelings with people whom you can discuss them with, but from what I've gathered, it's not a bias you're willing to overcome, rather, find other people to empathise with, which is very off-putting to me, which is why I am somewhat offended, for reasons other than those you implied when saying "I don't mean to offend anyone".

saerleiya wrote:

Adsolution wrote:My hairdresser is so sweet

Okay, showed like that, seems a bit odd, but whatever.

Lol, what do you mean?

@Maz
It is a preference and I personally think that long hair looks way better than short hair on both guys and girls. Yes, it can get hot sometimes for head but you see how many people learn to live with it. When I look myself at mirror, I prefer seeing myself with longer hair and I do not plan cutting it anytime soon (I sometimes get it a little bit cut on sides so it does not grow wide). If by some chance I end up losing hair on crown part as an example in future, you can all bet I will do hair transplant ASAP. Call me crazy but my hair means a lot to me and can't imagine looking myself in mirror without it. My dynasty has bad history with hair and many members started losing it relatively young (some even in 30's) so I am pray to god to spare me. All of you are probably laughing reading this but I honestly don't care if you do. Whatever the fate has given me, I'll do hair transplant if I am cursed with hair loss and everything should remain normal

I would love to grow a hair like Magician but that might take a long tome since my hair has weird growing pattern.

Adsolution wrote:Very direct answers

Pretty much what I said, but less directly and with a hint of conditionment theory. But you know, you probably said it better than I did, as I tend to assume that everyone can change his mind as easily as I do if you explain it in a less "direct" way...meh, I'll deal with it.

Adsolution wrote:

saerleiya wrote:

Adsolution wrote:My hairdresser is so sweet

Okay, showed like that, seems a bit odd, but whatever.

Lol, what do you mean?

Trying to show a situation where you would find your hairdresser attractive in a certain way because of the quote didn't actually work, the joke fell flat, may I go to the corner?

saerleiya wrote:Pretty much what I said, but less directly and with a hint of conditionment theory. But you know, you probably said it better than I did, as I tend to assume that everyone can change his mind as easily as I do if you explain it in a less "direct" way...meh, I'll deal with it.

I believe people can change their minds as well given the right stimulus, I just felt I had to address a problem on a deeper level I noticed, that being empathy-seeking.

saerleiya wrote:Trying to show a situation where you would find your hairdresser attractive in a certain way because of the quote didn't actually work, the joke fell flat, may I go to the corner?

Hue, thought so. She gives very good head massages under the tap, but that's just a fact, no relations involved! I'd feel the same way if it were a guy.

Adsolution wrote:Hue, thought so.

Well, you still know me a bit, I'm not THAT innocent

Adsolution wrote:She gives very good head massages under the tap, but that's just a fact, no relations involved!

Not my business. If you want to fell in love with your own personal hairdresser, go ahead

Maz wrote:I have to say it again: I'm not meaning to offend anyone, so could one of those people I was referring to tell me: What's so great about having long hair as a guy? Maybe it's just me, but to sum it up: It often looks ridiculous; you've got a ton of work with it; your head gets freakin' hot; and worst case, you can't see sh*t, and start annoying everyone around you. Just wonderin'.

I've worn my hair long for 10 years straight now - and when I say long, I mean long. I just stood up to check and it reaches to the underside of my shoulder blades. Personally, I love long hair. The feeling of it blowing in the wind, the ability to tie it back in a ponytail, the way it looks on my reflection in the mirror - I love the way it feels, I love the way it dances when I dance.
Maybe I look ridiculous. Haven't been told. I have been told I have nice hair, though, and I often get one of those "ey man" greetings from metalheads (who obviously have long hair). And it's funny, because I'm absolutely not a metalhead. I kind of like some styles of it, but most of them are too 'loud' for me.
It's not that much work. It requires 20 minutes to dry when it's been washed, it takes 5 to 10 minutes to brush it if it gets all tangled. That's all.
Hot? I'm always hot, baby. Tssss
People around me are happy to have me around - else they wouldn't hang around me. x) To my knowledge, my hair is no nuisance to them.
I can't see shit? No, if I am to drape my hair in front of my eyes like curtains, then, obviously, no. But otherwise, no problemo.

Just answerin'.

saerleiya wrote:

Maz wrote: I can't see how girls could actually go for that

Some girls actually have their hair cut short, and some guys happen to love it. See what I mean ?

Guilty! Though I like girls with long hair equally. It just depends what suits the person, I guess. I remember one of my friends from school started to wear her hair long all of a sudden and she transformed into Kate Bush!

Hey saer, you're French right? Quick tip: 'les chevaux' (plural) translates to 'hair' in English (singular) - so we refer to our hair as if it were just 'one hair'; my hair is long, not my hair are long.

OldClassicGamer wrote:All of you are probably laughing reading this but I honestly don't care if you do. Whatever the fate has given me, I'll do hair transplant if I am cursed with hair loss and everything should remain normal

Nah man, I can understand where you're coming from. Though if I were to go bald myself, I'd start cutting down my hair in stages so it wouldn't be so much of a shocker when finally I had none left... but please, let it not be so!

Personally I think jaw/shoulder length hair looks great on both males and females, but my hair only grows a certain way making me look like I have Hairphones. That and I'd get fired if I had it any longer.

Oh man if we're going to go on about hair then man I know how that feels to have a a shitty haircut or being charged extortionate money for tiny little trims. I haven't been to an actual hairdresser to have a cut for like 3 years now and between now and then I've just been having a mobile hairdresser come over, though even then it's been almost a year since I last had him over.

I'm at a loss on what to actually do with my hair right now though, despite trying to fight off my trich and fixing it up. It's been 6 weeks since I stopped pulling hairs off my head and I've been using caffeine shampoo to help the thin bits grow back better; so far it's gotten thicker than it had been (it had been so thin and limp I don't know how I spoke with voice actors looking like that) but it's still got kinks and stuff, plus I've gotten a number of grey hairs spring up in just the past couple years. I wanted to grow my hair longer than it is but I hadn't been able to and my diet hadn't been any different. I've tried pro-v type shampoos and eating things with vitamin E but no luck.

If I'm to get a cut again I'm probably going to have to go for what I had 3 years ago and try straightening it nearly every day again.

Shrooblord wrote: Hey saer, you're French right? Quick tip: 'les chevaux' (plural) translates to 'hair' in English (singular) - so we refer to our hair as if it were just 'one hair'; my hair is long, not my hair are long.

Oh, sorry. It still happens to me a lot, sometimes I'm very confused by the use of hair as a singular word. Even if I'm living in the US right now to strengthen it, I'm still a terrible English user (well, to my mind, people tell me I'm good, but I don't think so ).

Shrooblord wrote:Quick tip: 'les chevaux' (plural)

Hope it's typo: 'chevaux' means 'horses'

I've yet to see a guy with long hair that doesn't pull it off. It even looks pretty attractive on some. Personally I've always wanted something a bit longer than I currently have, because right now I more or less have the usual short hair male haircut, and I can try to put in a little gel here and there but most of the time I finish messing with my hair frustrated or with a "well it's the best i can do" feeling.

saerleiya wrote:Hope it's typo: 'chevaux' means 'horses'

You got me! I'll never try Frenching again without checking a dictionary first! xP