Rayman Pirate-Community

I make the smart decision and politely decline eating it.

I then give the next user a present, for making the RPC a better place (probably). They open it up, and it turns out to be a bomb that explodes in their face!

I pawn it off to Greengoop and he dies instantly.

I then give the next person a shell hiding a blue-ringed octopus.

Edit: Nooooo I wanted to give Greengoop the fugu!!

After opening it, I quickly close the shell and throw it back into the ocean, cracking it open and putting the octopus back where it belongs.

I then stomp on the next person's head with spiky cleats.

I move my skull and brain into my legs for the moment so I can resist the stomp!

I then pour salt in your eyes!

I press on my forehead and spring my eyeballs out of my sockets, spilling out the salt before putting my eyes back.

I then dump honey on you and whistle for a grizzly bear to maul you!

I lick all the honey off me, giving me a sweet tasty snack to energise my asskicking!

I then force you to give your honest opinions on Metallica.

I simply tell you that I don’t listen to them.

I then force you to diffuse a bomb, but all of the wires are red! Which one to cut…?

I walk away, whilst you’re standing smugly next to it with your eyes closed and your grin wide.

I then shoot a crossbow to destroy the wire, blowing you up!

Congratulations, that was the right wire! The bomb doesn’t blow up at all!

Anyhow, I then tie you to the ground, right in the path of a giant rolling boulder!

I put my feet up and suddenly the boulder explodes! Because it was merely a rolling giant balloon….

I pick up a sword and cut the rope you’re holding on to from the cliff!

Ahhhhhh, tell my girlfr… oh wait, it’s only a 2 meter drop!

I pull your entire face off from your eyelobe!

Yes, you did! Except it was poster board!

I take my spear and stab your girlfriend with it! You collapse from the horror!

Though she dies, I seek therapy and I am back in shape in a month!

I then go for my next best bet- and start vigorously making out with you!

Thank goodness that was just a mannequin of me you were smothering! That’s not going to look good on your record…

I then perform the old “saw a man in half” trick on you, except I actually cut you in half!

I buy a new pair of ultrastrong unbreakable robot legs!

I then put my foot out at you and vaporise you!

I put up my ACME Anti-Vaporization Shield and deflect your attack!

I then slap you with a spiky pufferfish!

Unfortunately, it’s one of those Rayman Origins pufferfishes that explode in your hands!

Now your heart is gone, a simple kick in the face clears you.

I survive the hit, since other players' attacks are harmless to fellow players!

I then slap you into a pool of hungry baby piranhas - the ones from Rayman Origins!