Rayman Pirate-Community

This is a weird forum game that I am starting.

Aquarium Fister wrote:A very strange, extraterrestrial, powerful arachnid by the name of Mr. Spider has crash-landed on Earth.
His tender hugs and hellos cannot be fought of by our best men, let alone our best equipment.
You sir, you, have been assigned the difficult task of killing this piece of shit, to remind all those kind, loving arachnids who's really in charge, who's the dominant species that will rip their fucking asses apart, THAT WILL
Good luck, man, may coldheartedness and malice be with you.

Basically, there are three consecutive responses that must be made: how the spider is lovingly greeting you, how you plan on killing the spider, and how he survives. Each response should be made by a different user, but they should be in order nonetheless. (NOTE: The spider is only about the size of a tarantula.)

EXAMPLE:
Poster #1: Mr. Spider gingerly pats your leg with his long, slimy antennae.
Poster #2: I point an RPG-7 at the spider and fire.
Poster #3: The spider crawls into a bomb shelter, and you are killed by the force of the explosion you created.

I begin: Mr. Spider crawls up your leg and says hello.

EDIT: What? No love for spidey?

Mr. Spider then makes his way to my crotch area.

(fuck)

I carve a remarkably narrow hole in the Booty Pillow I obtained from a TV infomercial and stand, waiting.

I say hello Mr. Spider as he makes himself comfortable within my pubes.

Mr. Spider then bites dick off...rood

Mr Spider got an ALDI closed for the day when all he wanted was a banana. :<

Mr Spider tried to climb a wall only to be squashed

Mr Spider loves cocaine.

Mr Spider just wants to have a good time

Mr. Spider plans on launching 12 billion nukes to the sun.

Who is Mr. Spider?