Jokes topic

[The Jonster]

When I look at chocolate, I hear two voices in my head.

The first one says: “You need to eat that chocolate.”

The other voice goes: “You heard. Eat the chocolate.”

[R4Y_ANC3L]

Knock Knock..

Who's there?

Jimmy...

Jimmy who?...

Jimmy Back My Formula, Plankton!

[The Jonster]

Here's a bad joke

What sits up a tree and goes "Aaaaaah"?
An owl with a speech impediment.

[Steo]

The Jonster...

Hahaha I'm kidding it just came to me there

[The Jonster]

The Jonster...
Hahaha I'm kidding it just came to me there

Omg...

Wait for me honey, I’m just finishing my make-up.

You don’t need make-up, Jane.

Oh, Richard…. really? That is so sweet of you!

You need plastic surgery.

[Steo]

Omg...

I don't even know why I did that haha but you know I'm only joking

Tily

[The Jonster]

I'm glad I was used as a joke.

Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach.
At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.

[Steo]

I'm glad I was used as a joke.

I feel bad now for doing that even though I was joking

Windows phones am I right?

[The Jonster]

Nooo stop that

Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman.
A good example: “I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!”

[Steo]

The simpsons wrestling. (I'll start doing proper ones after this because this is dumb )

[The Jonster]

Proper ones?!? You mean none of yours were real?!?!

Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.

[Steo]

Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.

Kevin Bloody Wilson

When I said back to the drawing board I didn't literally mean put your back up to the drawing board and erase all the hard work.

[The Jonster]

So what's with the airline food?

Ok that was bad..

[Steo]

What's with these aeroplanes in the night sky like shooting stars? I could really use s wish right now.

I don't know why I even did that

[R4Y_ANC3L]

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

Doctor: "Nine."

[The Jonster]

Whatever you do always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood.

[Steo]

Give it 110% because I'm bad at maths.

[R4Y_ANC3L]

Q: Why couldn't the moebius strip enroll at the school?
A: They required an orientation.

[The Jonster]

Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”

[R4Y_ANC3L]

What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?


"The erection is rigged!"