Sonic and the PlayStation Heroes (Part 1)

[Crush40forever]

Hey everyone! Crush40Forever here! I've mentioned in my signature and in a couple of comments that I have my own fanfic series on DeviantArt called SATPSH. (Sonic and the PlayStation Heroes) Well since this is a Rayman forum, and Rayman and a couple of his friends are stars in this series, I figured I'd post the series on here too!

Parts 1 & 2 are already done & posted on DA, but Part 3 is still in the works & probably won't be on here until Summer at the latest. So until I get Part 3 done, I'll go ahead and post the chapters for Part 1 on here piece by piece, and than I'll make a thread for Part 2.

STORY SUMMERY: It was a typical ay for Sonic, who was once again running away from his fangirl, Amy Rose. Until he ran across Eggman, who was building a portal that traveled through different universes! He was using this to summon villeins from every universe ever created so that he can finally crush Sonic. Sonic destroyed the machine, but as he did, 3 villains from the PlayStation Universe had already landed in his world! Ripto (Spyro Villain), Razorbeard (Rayman Villein). & Dr, Cortex! (Crash Villein) The villains united together and called themselves the PlayStation Villains. Although it seemed that Sonic was outnumbered, it turns out that Tails and Knuckles had run into the HEROES from those worlds! And so they decided to split into teams in order to find the Chaos Emeralds and stop the villains before it's too late! Will they be able to get the Chaos Emeralds and stop the villains on time?

TEAMS / CHARACTERS:

Team Sonic - Sonic (Speed), Tails (Flight/Skill). Knuckles (Power)

Team Spyro - Spyro (Speed / Flight (When near a flight power-up) ), Elora (Skill), Hunter (Power)

Team Rayman - Rayman (Speed / Flight), Ly (Skill / Flight), Globox (Power)

Team Crash - Crash (Speed / Power), Coco (Skill), AkuAku (Flight)

P.S. Villeins - Dr. Eggman, Ripto, Admiral Razorbeard and Dr. Neo Cortex

Side Characters - Amy Rose

~ The story takes place not long after the events of the "Sonic Heroes" videogame: http://sonic.wikia.com/wiki/Sonic_Heroes ~

That's just about it for the intros. Tomorrow, I shall post CHAPTER 1!

EDIT: Oops, I forgot to post the 'promotional logo':

[Crush40forever]

(OK! Here's Chapter 1!)

Chapter 1: Worlds Collide Part 1; Sonic’s battle with Eggman

It was another normal day, with another battle between Dr. Eggman, and one of the world’s greatest ‘modern’ heroes, Sonic the Hedgehog. Only this time, Eggman’s plan would bring new allies of evil to his side.

Eggman: MUAHAHA! With this new portal, I can summon villains from other universes into this world! Than, with these other-world villains by my side, Sonic will be exterminated FOREVER!

Sonic: Not so fast, Egghead!

Eggman: Robots, ATTACK!

Sonic: *smashes the robots one by one*

Eggman; Shoot! *Quickly finishing his machine* HA! Too late Sonic, as soon as I press this red button, I can start sending word out to my fellow villains to come to this world and help me dispose of you!

Sonic: I don’t think so! *dashes twards him*

Eggman: *Presses the button* You are FINISHED!

*after Eggman presses the button, there was a bright flash coming from the portal, as other villains from other worlds were heading towards Sonic’s world.*

Sonic: No! I gotta stop this! *Spin dashes into the portal & destroys it*

Eggman: NO!

*Fortunately for Sonic, he managed to stop the portal before every villain could arrive, but unfortunately, by the time he destroyed it, there were already three villains with Eggman. These villains were the evil Ripto, the notorious Neo Cortex and the dastardly Admiral Razorbeard.*

Ripto: Where are we?

Eggman: Welcome, my new friends!

Cortex: Who’s the fat guy?

Eggman: Why, I am your friend, your ally, your partner for WORLD DOMINATION!

Razerbeard: World domination, eh?

Sonic: Heh, you really think only THREE extra bad guys will stop ME, especially if they are a robot pirate, an evil scientist wanna-be, and a short dude with a unicorn horn on his head?!

Ripto: GRRRRRRR! THIS IS NOT A UNICORN HORN, YOU SMARTALIC RAT!

Cortex: And I’m NOT a wanna-be, I am a REAL evil scientist!

Razorbeard: Humph, I’m not just an ordinary robot pirate, I am ruler of the galaxies!

Eggman: I’ll explain my plans to you boys at my base. Let’s go! *Lets them board his giant airship*

Sonic: You won’t get away with this, you madman!

Eggman: I will! You will see once the four of us villains combine our abilities and use them to destroy you and rule the world!

Razorbeard, Cortex and Ripto: Yeah!

Razorbeard: Yes, and with our own enemies not here, ruling this world will be A LOT easier!

Sonic: *Thinks: Their own enemies?! THAT’S IT! If I can find the HEROES of their worlds, I can unite with them and bring these guys down!*

Eggman: Farewell, Sonic! *Flies away*

Sonic: You may have escaped with recruits this time, Eggman, but I know an idea to get HERO recruits of my own! Just wait and see…

*And so, Sonic starts his search for the heroes of the worlds that the three villains came from.*

[DandyGuy]

[Crush40forever]

Unsure if you were making a joke...Or making fun of my story!

XD Jk!

This was an early story from back in 2012. X3

[Crush40forever]

(Ok, I think Chapter 1 had been lonely for long enough. Time for Chapter 2!)

Chapter 2: Worlds Collide Part 2; Sonic meets the PlayStation Heroes

*Meanwhile, in another location not far from Eggman’s base...*

Spyro: Ah man, where are we?!

Elora: Hm, this place looks NOTHING like Avalar.

Hunter: Darn it! Just when we were in the middle of an awesome vacation, a storm comes and ruins it!

Globox: You think your having a hard time? My wife and kids are going to be worried about me now that I’m stranded here!

Rayman: Don’t worry Globox, buddy, As long as we stick together, we’ll find a way home.

Ly: Right, that’s the spirit, Rayman!

Coco: Bro, where are you?!

Crash: *On top of a tree* Woah! (Over here sis!)

Coco: Ugh, get down from there before you get hurt!

Aku Aku: I got this…*flies up and gets him down*

Rayman: Where are we anyway?

Aku Aku: The portals must have sent us all through space…and possibly time too.

Ly: So we traveled through time and space? Great, now how are we going to get home to our worlds?

Elora: Maybe we just need to ask this world’s inhabitants to help us.

Spyro: Yeah! Let’s start searching right away!

Tails: No need to search, I can help

Knuckles: Yeah, me too!

Hunter: Who are you guys?

Tails: I’m Miles Prowler, but people call me Tails, and this is Knuckles the Echinda, guard of the Master Emerald.

Knuckles: Hello guys, welcome to Planet Mobius!

Everyone except Tails and Knuckles: MOBIUS?!

Tails: Yep, our home planet.

Knuckles: How did all of you guys get here anyway?

Aku Aku: A portal in each of our worlds sent us here.

Rayman: but were not sure how…or why.

Sonic: It’s because Eggman was trying to send your enemies here, but he also sent you here!

Crash: Woah? (Really?)

Sonic: Yep! And I also know that the only way out of this world is to use Chaos Control by using all 7 Chaos Emeralds. So in order to stop Eggman and return you all home, we need to stick together and collect the Chaos Emeralds!

Spyro: how do you know if that will work?

Sonic: Because…I’m the HERO of this world…I’m Sonic, SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!

*After a while of the heroes briefly introducing each other, they started planning how they would get the Chaos emeralds and defeat Eggman’s team.*

Coco: So let me get this straight, Sonic. This Eggman creep teamed up with the villains from our worlds in order to take over your world. And so you’re suggesting that we team up so we can get the Chaos Emeralds before Eggman’s team?

Sonic: Right!

Hunter: Hmm, well that does sound like a good idea, but I think we should split up into 4 teams. That way we can get the Chaos Emeralds quicker!

Spyro: What teams?

Hunter: Well, you, me and Elora can be a team.

Rayman: Hmm. Ly, Globox, you’re on MY team!

Aku Aku: Crash, Coco, it’s time for us to form our team.

Sonic: Ok. Tails, Knuckles, let’s team up!

Tails and Knuckles: Alright!

*A new adventure has now officially begun for the new teams.*

[Crush40forever]

(Ok, now on to Chapter 3! This one is Part one of 3 for Team Crash's 'Chaos Emerald searching' story. Here it goes.)

Chapter 3: Enter TEAM CRASH; Part 1

*After separating from the other teams to start the race for the Chaos Emeralds, Team Crash headed towards the nearby coast to begin the search there.*

Aku Aku: Ok, according to the blue hedgehog, these ‘Chaos Emeralds’ are in different colors, and are very powerful. We should keep an eye out for any emeralds that fit the description.

Coco: Right! I’ll use my computer and invent something to help us track them down! *Gets out her computer and starts working*

Crash: Woah. (I hope this doesn’t take too long.)

*Suddenly, a group of Eggman’s robots were heading their way*

Crash: WOAH?! (What are those things?!)

Coco: Hm, robots. What would a bunch of robots be doing out here?

Aku Aku: They must be looking for the emeralds too!

Coco: Than let’s find them before the robots do! Meanwhile, Crash, take care of these ones!

Crash: Woah! (Right) *Goes up to the robots and attacks them by smashing them with his fists*

*More Eggman robots arrive, along with a few new robots that were built by Cortex*

Coco: Are those Cortex’s robots?!

Aku Aku: Hurry Coco, they’re getting close!

Coco: Aha, I’m finished! *Holds up her computer and starts tracking the emeralds*

Aku Aku: *Helps Crash beat the robots*

Coco: Good news! The scanners are detecting there is one Chaos Emerald nearby!

Aku Aku: Perfect! Let’s go get it before more of these robots arrive!

*they followed the signal until they reach a spot that had an X on it*

Coco: How suspicious…

*Suddenly, a Robot Pirate appears and attacks them*

Crash: Woah! (This must be one of that Razorbeard guy’s dirty tricks!)

Coco: You guys handle him, I’ll dig up the emerald!

Aku Aku and Crash: *Attack the robot*

*The boys were fighting the robot pirate until he finally gets destroyed, meanwhile, after the robot’s destruction, Coco had dug up the Chaos Emerald*

Coco: We did it boys! We found the first Chaos Emerald!

Aku Aku: Now let’s go find the second one before Eggman and the other teams!

Spyro: Too late, we already got the second one. And if you want it that badly, you’ll have to fight us for it!

Coco: Well, well, if it isn’t Team Spyro!

Elora: Please, hand over that gem nice and easy, I DON’T want to have to fight for it!

Hunter: But we will if we have to!

Crash: Woah! (Bring it on!)

Coco: Yeah, if you want ours, you WILL have to fight us!

[Crush40forever]

(Another day another chapter.)

Chapter 4: Enter TEAM CRASH; Part 2

*Team Crash and Team Spyro were preparing for a team battle, a battle that would determine who will collect the 2 emeralds.*

Coco: Take THIS! *Kicks Elora to the ground*

Elora; OW! Not funny! *kicks her back*

Crash: *Punches Spyro, but misses*

Spyro: OH YA?! *Charges him*

Crash: WOAH! (OW!)

Aku Aku: hovers around Hunter, making him dizzy*

Hunter: Ugh. *Faints*

Aku Aku: *Puts a voodoo spell on him* Give me that emerald, NOW!

Hunter: Yes, master! *Gives him their Chaos Emerald*

Elora: HUNTER, NO!

Aku Aku: Too late! *Grabs Crash and Coco and escapes with the emeralds.*

Spyro: DARN! We were so close!

Elora: Humph, they may have won this round, but we can still catch up! Let's go!

*Team Crash leaves the beach with two emeralds, while team Spyro started over by going to a new location.*

Aku Aku: ok team, next stop is over there! *heads towards a giant casino*

Coco: Ooo, look at all those big pinball machines!

Crash: Woah. (Remember, sis, were here for the emeralds.)

Coco: *Sighs* I know, crash, but we CAN still have some fun, right?!

Aku Aku: *Looks through the machines and sees a Chaos Emerald @ the top of one of the machines* Looks like the only way we can get to it is to play this pinball machine, so let’s play!

*Aku Aku uses his power to form a ball, than he sends it in a machine, with Crash and coco controlling the pinball flippers.*

Aku Aku: Ready...GO!

*They start playing the game, flipping the ball from side to side, until...*

Coco: Almost there.

*They win the game and the Chaos Emerald fell off the machine and into their hands.*

Crash: WOAH! (YES!)

Coco: Wow, three emeralds!

Ly: Hello. I was wondering, could you give that one to us?

Coco: Nope, but nice try, Team Rayman!

Rayman: Please, just do as the fairy says, we don't want to hurt you guys.

Crash: Woah?! (Is that a threat?!)

Globox: It will be if you don’t listen!

Aku Aku: Well, if you want this emerald, than you'll have to get through us!

Rayman: FINE! But don’t say we didn't warn you, kiddos! Get ready guys!

Ly and Globox: Right!

Coco: Bring it!

*Not long after finding the third emerald, Team Crash is forced into another battle, but this time, it's Team Rayman!*

[Crush40forever]

Chapter 5: Enter TEAM CRASH; Part 3 (Ending)

*In the depths of the Casino, Team crash and Team Rayman are fighting to retrieve the third Chaos Emerald.*

Globox: *Sings a chant that surrounds Team Crash with a giant rain cloud*

Coco: Oh no, we can’t see anything!

Aku Aku: A camouflage trap!

Rayman: *Shoots with his fists*

Crash: WOAH! (OWWIE!) *Falls*

Coco: Crash! He’s been hurt!

Ly: *Attacks by weakening them with her powers*

Coco: Uhh, I feel weak...*faints*

Globox: *Summons lightning in the cloud*

Aku Aku: *gets shocked* Gahhh!

*The cloud clears out and Team Rayman takes the Chaos Emerald*

Rayman: Sorry, we didn’t want to fight you, but you bought it on yourself!

*They disappear with no trace.*

Coco: Great! Now were back to two emeralds! Now what do we do?!

Aku Aku: *Hears a noise* Hold on...*looks up & sees a fleet* That fleet.

*A giant air fleet floats above the area, a fleet made up of Eggman and Cortex’s battleships, Razorbeard’s pirate ships and Ripto’s robot birds.*

Crash: Woah! (Let’s infiltrate it!)

Coco: Are you kidding?! We might not survive up there!

Aku Aku: That fleet may look invincible, but all fleets have the same weakness, the Mother Ship!

*The mother ship comes into view, the biggest and most powerful of all the ships,. It was part battleship, part pirate ship & part bird ship.*

Coco: How do you expect us to get up there?! We can’t fly THAT high.

*Someone hears the conversation, and decides to help.*

Amy: I can help!

Coco: who are you?

Amy: I am Amy Rose. Sonic told me that he and three other teams were going after Eggman, so I wanted to help! *gets out her air board, Pink Rose, and converts it into a 4-seater* hop on!

*They get in & Amy flies them to the mother ship.*

Coco: Thanks Amy!

Amy: No problem!

*Team Crash infiltrates the ship, destroying enemies on the way, until...*

Cortex: Hello, Crash Bandicoot!

Coco: You!

Crash: Woah! (CORTEX!)

Cortex: Now that you’re here, I’m going to enjoy finishing you off! *Gets out his robot and climbs in it*

Team Crash: *battles the robot*

Aku Aku: You won’t get away with this, Cortex!

*After a long battle, they finally destroy the robot, but Cortex escapes with injuries.*

Coco: HA! That will teach him!

Aku Aku: Now, let’s go and destroy the source and get out of here!

Crash: Woah! (Yes sir!)

[Shrooblord]

Heya, Crush! I like what I've read so far. Some of the characters are completely representative. I like the story's premise too. I have some general tips for you that will make your story a lot more fun to read (and write!):

- Try to refrain from the movie script-like notation. It's harder to read and comes across more as a chat log than as a story. On that note, it'd be cool if you could have a few more descriptive sentences; for example, instead of 'Team Crash: *battles the robot*', you could do:
'The doctor's robot gets ready to fight, arming its weapons and lining up its sights. Perceiving the threat, Crash immediately starts rushing for the robots feet, where it spots out the weak spots in its ankles. Meanwhile, Coco pulls out a grappling hook and shoots it straight at the robot. Direct hit! Aku Aku then gets hit by two heavy missiles fired off by the devious doctor.
"Bwah, you stupid wooden face! That'll teach you for being such a stupid... wooden... face."
As the mask recovers, it works its magic on Crash to empower him with speed, tripping up the robot with Coco's help and exploding it in the process. However, Dr. Cortext manages to escape in a battered escape pod.'
I tend to prefer to write in the passed tense myself.

-Give it a little build-up - you know, create some dramatic suspense in the story as opposed to BOOM everyone shows up WTF oh we're all of a sudden all friends and hey lets save the world oh look we've already got 3 of the 7 necessary emeralds to do so. I'm exaggerating it a bit here, but I hope you get my point.

-Try to write in paragraphs, not single-lined sentences. That makes it a lot more pleasant to read.

Keep writin', keep improving! ;D

[Rayman fan2000]

Crash says woah way too much as well. If you want him to be talking, don't make him a damn pokémon, just have him TALK.

[Crush40forever]

Crash says woah way too much as well. If you want him to be talking, don't make him a damn pokémon, just have him TALK.

First of all, I like him talking gibberish, because that is the Crash I grew up with. Him talking full English in Titans / M.O.M. RUINED him for me. My opinion. I'm pure Classic when it comes to Crash Bandicoot & Spyro the Dragon, because Activision messed up Spyro & Crash for me in the newer games.

If you are gonna complain about this story because of the way I wrote it, or the fact that I prefer GIBBERISH Crash over English Crash, than fine, I shall remove this thread & we can pretend I never posted it on here! You happy?

[Shrooblord]

Or you can accept the critique and keep writing your lovely story, either completely ignoring the critique or using it in your story, if you like the critique.

[Adsolution]

If you are gonna complain about this story because of the way I wrote it, or the fact that I prefer GIBBERISH Crash over English Crash, than fine, I shall remove this thread & we can pretend I never posted it on here! You happy?

What artist has ever gotten anywhere by removing their artwork simply because someone they don't even know offered them something less than praise, or disagreed with one narrative decision they've made? By that logic, any filmmaker or game developer who's sold a title that garnered a rating under 100% should "remove their work and pretend they never created it".

There are seven billion people in this world, and each one of them has a chance at seeing your work if they come across it. Not everyone is going to react the way you want them to; some people are assholes, some people don't speak your language, some people will adore it and some people may not be too fond of it but want to give you advice on how they think you can improve, because they want to see you become who you aim to be.

[Crush40forever]

I'm fine with the ideas...but there is just 1 problem I'm having: Time.

I am at a busy stage in my life right now. I live with my parents who are basically threatening me to get a job, even though I've been trying that for years & no one will take me because I 'Don't have the experience.' Well how in the heak am I supposed to GET experience if no one will hire me? Employers are very picky & strict these days. On top of that, I'm in College working my butt off to get a degree. I get under a lot of stress with classes, never-ending homework, parents, etc. & if I get too stressed & busy with classes & homework & stuff, than I'm too busy to "waste my precious time" (According to my parents.) going on my computer to write my own stories.

That is why my stories are bad at this stage, I just do not have any proper time, or stress relief, to do a proper story.

[Eshap]

Then wait until you have the time. Your studies/job hunting come before writing fanfiction. (although, imo, Shroob and R2000's (very valid) critiques wouldn't take that long to implement).
In addition to what's already been said, there are spelling mistakes littered throughout your story, so you may want to run it through a spellchecker before posting it.