Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums

[Xenon]

Yeah, it's pretty interesting stuff.

Time and death don't trouble me, though, and I actually take comfort from being blissfully ignorant. It's nice not to know too much about these two enormous things, and also to know that every single human being on Earth is in the same position. There are so many wild and scary theories out there, that roughly hold equal validity, and while they are fascinating they're also totally mind-boggling. Just live your day-to-day life and don't worry too much about the unknown.

Edit: as far as the autistic discussion is concerned, I think it would be silly to assume employers would gloss over a section in a resume, dedicated to a person's autistic-ness. People judge. It's not right, but it's just what's done. Compare it to the way an employer would judge an overweight person. It doesn't necessarily mean the person would perform the job any less proficiently, but as I said, people cruelly judge and don't want to take chances. And after all, it is a behavioural thing in question, not the blonde-ness of someone's hair, as a member on the last page inappropriately allegorised.

[Rulez]

Time and death don't trouble me, though, and I actually take comfort from being blissfully ignorant. It's nice not to know too much about these two enormous things, and also to know that every single human being on Earth is in the same position. There are so many wild and scary theories out there, that roughly hold equal validity, and while they are fascinating they're also totally mind-boggling. Just live your day-to-day life and don't worry too much about the unknown.

Yep! I've been like that for the past few years; not worrying about time and death too much. I just kind of dug up that whole thing because, well, a lot of people around me are dying one by one, especially my grandpa's friends; it's a strange feeling. In November, I believe it was, my father and I went fishing with my grandpa and a few of his friends, but mainly a certain old, very nice man with a hat. I didn't talk with him too much, but we spent the day very relaxed. It was a weird feeling, though. I knew he's going to be dead in two weeks time or so; he had leukemia, I believe it was, and it was getting worse and worse. Sure enough, some time later, we were eating dinner at my grandparents' and they got a phone call; he passed away. Strangely, I kind of... never get sad like immediately, even though I realise what had happened. I'm not a soulless monster, some of you will know that (ha unnecessary joke). I just go on with my life, unintentionally pretending like that death didn't happen. But then, sometimes I'll be walking on the sidewalk, and I'll imagine running into, for example, my father's young 20- or 30-something friend, who died last year because of alcohol shit (I never expected that, he was a big part of my childhood, and the last time we ran into him, he warned me I must study a lot so I'll have it easier in life than he does/did). And then I realise, no, Tommy. You'll never run into him on the street again. He won't tell you how much you've grown since the last time he's seen you. He's dead, Rulez. He's dead. And then I feel empty for the rest of the way home or wherever I was going in that hypothetical scenario. I could've been humming Chopin earlier, I could've been whistling (to the best of my abilities because I can barely whistle, ha) Unintended by Muse. But the rest of the trip is blurry, because I keep imagining something that won't EVER happen again. Never.

I don't get sad, I don't cry though. I just feel empty. As empty as you can be.

[Cairnie]

Time and death has been one of the mainstays of some of the anxiety issues I've been having in the past few years but idk if that comes built in with my own ASD or not and whether that should get a separate diagnosis. While we're still on about ASDs MLII, I'm gonna have to ask you:

- do you have trouble with eye contact? (One of the big ones)
- do you often feel that you're clumsy most of the time? (Aspergers often have poor motor skills)
- do you find it hard to pick out sarcasm and otherwise joke like conversation and it makes you feel awkward?
That's only some of the things I get, though it varies from person to person eg some are more prone to mood swings than others, as I've noticed in other ASDers I've met.
I would try to seek some kind of prof advice though so you can get some closure.

[Shrooblord]

And after all, it is a behavioural thing in question, not the blonde-ness of someone's hair, as a member on the last page inappropriately allegorised.

You can just call me out for it and don't have to make it an impersonal attack. Sorry - personal circumstances have made me quite on edge about these kinds of statements.

Fine. I'm all about strange comparisons. You guys know I am. I may bullshit the lot of you daily without even realising it. The point I tried to make with what I said was that you shouldn't have to care about someone's Aspergers or at least care just as much about it as you care about the colour of somone's hair.
Of course there may be social complications. Thing is, this shouldn't detract from your respect of them, whether you're an employer, fellow bar-goer or fellow what-have-you.

===

Time is scary. Death is too. I haven't personally experienced the second until just a few months ago - that is to say - not in my family. I've had pets die by my feet, seen people lying dead on the street... it's quite terrifying. But not family; then my granddad passed away.

But I have to say the lead-up to it all was much weirder than him actually dying. It was all in all an awkward gathering, discussing how to move on afterwards, what to do with the insurances, crying etc.. All the while our Pop was lying in hospital. It was depressing. But it was over soon enough. And I didn't really cry that much. I think I've only cried about it twice. Not because I didn't care, but because I was too shellshocked about it all.

And then over Christmas, we all came together and scattered his ashes. It was a good time, to be fair - seeing all of my family (also the side I've never really met before) for a solemn reason. But some days were just that - solemn.

Time doesn't bother me as much, as I look forward with a hopeful eye more than a fearful one. But fairly recently, I had a night of crying intensely when I realised that my grandparents were getting older by the day, and my parents too, and some day, all of them would be gone.
But there's much more to look forward to for me as well. There's the wild plans we have together, Rulez, Ads; there's finally seeing my games and books and movies come to life; there's places in the world I'd like to see; finding out where science and robotics and technology and space travel takes us; there's meeting up with as many of you guys as I can - I do think we should!
And all of that doesn't comfort what is scary about time - of course not! But it does help. For all the bad the world can throw at you, you are in the end the one who decides how much it affects you.

[Rulez]

Time doesn't bother me as much, as I look forward with a hopeful eye more than a fearful one. But fairly recently, I had a night of crying intensely when I realised that my grandparents were getting older by the day, and my parents too, and some day, all of them would be gone.
But there's much more to look forward to for me as well. There's the wild plans we have together, Rulez, Ads; there's finally seeing my games and books and movies come to life; there's places in the world I'd like to see; finding out where science and robotics and technology and space travel takes us; there's meeting up with as many of you guys as I can - I do think we should!
And all of that doesn't comfort what is scary about time - of course not! But it does help. For all the bad the world can throw at you, you are in the end the one who decides how much it affects you.

That same paragraph could have been attributed to me and it would still be 100% right except for maybe the "and books" part, hah. And if you replaced "Rulez" with "Shroobie". God, I can't wait to meet you!

[Cairnie]

Something bothering me a good few days now.

Last Saturday my, my bf and some mates spent the night locked in an arcade in which you pay about a tenner to play most if not all of the games for free, which is great. But the one game I wanted to play, DDR, which is one of the most up to date versions of the game in the whole country, had a group of people who were playing it ALL NIGHT, and the first time I tried to get on, I got blocked out and was told that they were in a "queue" which involved placing their e-amusement cards (something I don't have) in a line and they taking turns.

I eventually got on once. The whole thing was initially set to expert level which is way above my skill level (I usually do basic for the first two stages and then try a difficult on the last) and someone else had to get it set up; plus is wasn't in free play mode so I had to borrow one of the cards to even play the damn game. The cherry on top - having someone say "I don't know how good you are...".

Fucking ruined my night. Luckily for me there are a whole bunch of games I played and got my money's worth including a Pump it Up Fiesta (a Korean dance game which the music is mostly K-pop) but unlike DDR these guys have not touched that at all. There's just something about DDR that makes you want to form some kind of cool kids' club around it and block anyone out that's not a so called expert. This isn't even the first arcade that I even had this problem at. I have a hard enough time as it is plucking up the courage to go up to other gamers and make friends with them by being like-minded so here this isn't the case at all.

Makes me glad I have the friends I do have. BF told me that while I was trying to get some sleep in there they were taking the piss out of this group behind their backs because they were genuinely annoyed as I was about it, and that made me feel somewhat better about it. What probably didn't help was that night there was a general rhythm game meet up during the day, which caused these guys to stay on. We're considering trying a lock in on a weekend when these meets are not taking place because one mate reckoned it did make a difference.

And that my friends is my shitty run-in with gaming elitism. :V

[Jewish Candy]

That sucks. I really, really hate that kind of selfish, self-aggrandising behaviour, and it's all too common... it's good you've got your friends, but still. What bullshit.

Pump it Up is the one with the diagonal buttons instead, aye? I've wondered what DDR fans think of PIU, to my untrained eye it looks pretty fun.

[Cairnie]

Yeah it is, and one of the songs in it is one you may have heard in a certain Microsoft Surface Pro advert from last year.



I guess it depends on how much you like k-pop versions of classical music as well, though the main difference between the two games apart from the footpads is the range of tracks available; ie the DDR had a good chunk of the Beatmania tracks and then some.

[Xenon]

Stace, I wouldn't give these people the time of day. The fact that it's still bothering you five days on is really concerning and I know it's impossible to comment as someone who wasn't there, but, sometimes you have to let people be assholes in life. And they've probably been nothing but in their lives. It sort of reminds me of the kinds of people you get in pubs who hog the machines and are always first served at the bar. Similarly, it's impossible to say anything, really, because a pub is the last place in which you'd want to be confrontational.

@ Shroob: it wasn't meant as an impersonal attack. The reason I didn't address you personally is simply because I had forgotten who had made the post, as the post I was editing was, frustratingly, at the top.

[Shrooblord]

I thought that might be the case. Still, I've had to deal with a lot of below-the-belt psychological attacks the passing year and it's left me somewhat trigger-happy to pounce on anyone that may make one towards me.
Excuse me.


Stace's arcade encounter with hogger-assholes reminds me of a party I was at last Friday. I was trying to order drinks for some friends, so I stood in the line to get to the bar. Someone moved away and I was next in line, but some jerk face pushed his way between me and the leaving person and stood there instead. Mildly frustrating. But then someone moved away to my left and it happened again. And then the original jerk left, so I agressively tried to move in like he did (since such was the way of the bar-goers apparently) but then someone blatantly pushed me aside, stood in my place and then looked at me arrogantly like I had no right being there in the first place. Dicks.

So yeah, people are bad in outgoing atmospheres sometimes. Sorry that happened to you, Stace. It made me think a bit about that scene in Wreck it Ralph, where the little kid wants to play but gets bullied out of line by a line-up of coins stacked up in front of the machine like those pricks did with you with their e-cards. At least you've got supporting friends around. But generally, what Xenon said - let them be assholes. All they'll ever get in life for their assholery is assholery in return. You'll be much more well-received!

[MLII]

oh gosh stace that sucks ono what utter twats.

Oh dear Milly, too much depression lately. Sounds like you are in a similar position to Ad.

Also I wonder, what are your own opinions about social labelling? Would you want people to refer to you as someone with ADHD, or an Aspie, or would you prefer to keep yourself a secret and take personal comfort from it? Or would you prefer no label at all? It's often difficult to offer assistance because people deal with their own differences in their own ways.

well i rather resent the term aspie tbh. i find it somewhat offensive and i'm not entirely sure why. but yeah if it's something i have i don't see why people can't bring it up? hell i'd rather that than (for example) the way people dance around my sexuality "like domi because she's...well...you know. but that's fine. no problem with i!!!! omg!!!" haha yeah fuck off you can say the word gay it's not going to literally kill you

I do hope things sort out soon for you though. You seem to otherwise be on a very bright path and you certainly don't look like someone who should lack confidence.

O: well i'm not sure what you mean by "look like someone who should lack confidence" but i'll assume you're calling me pretty in which case thank you. uwu i'll be fine! i just have a number of things going on.

MLII, I'm gonna have to ask you:

- do you have trouble with eye contact? (One of the big ones)

i do actually. o3o i'd always put that down to social anxiety though,,

- do you often feel that you're clumsy most of the time? (Aspergers often have poor motor skills)

.....yeah. come to think of it, yes. uxu it's one of the reasons i'm not as good at dance as i would like.

- do you find it hard to pick out sarcasm and otherwise joke like conversation and it makes you feel awkward?

,,,,,,,yeah.

[Xenon]

Not being in education myself it's easy to forget how narrow-minded people can be. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay (unless you are the kind who shoves it down the throats of everyone, but, I'm pretty sure you aren't). Have you ever thought they could just be jealous that you have something different to offer? I know it sounds like a typical mummy response, but when I was in school a lot of bullying happened because the little asses didn't like seeing someone who looked/acted differently, get on...

[MLII]

well i make a lot of jokes and references to/about it when it's fitting. for example one time i was on the bus w my friend and i was leaning on him and all his friends were like OMG HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND YOU HOMEWRECKER and i said "i may not be a homewrecker but i am a homosexual"

you know it's just things like that. i'm not entirely sure how one can be aggressively gay save for being camp and stereotypically that doesn't work w girls.

but yeah i mean most of them are nice about it but some of them are so awk and then some of those practically trip over themselves four times and then stab themselves in the leg in an attempt not to offend the fragile gay w words like. well. gay. and i'm just here like. well aight then.

i don't get why people don't say it though??? i'm not A You Know What i'm queer why is that so hard

[Shrooblord]

I dunno man. I live in a country where these things are widely accepted. At my student union, I see one or two gay couples weekly. No problemo, you lovely homo.

[saerleiya]

I dunno man. I live in a country where these things are widely accepted. At my student union, I see one or two gay couples weekly. No problemo, you lovely homo.

Netherlands is a very particular country, right?

I haven't met a lof of homosexual people in my life, personnally. Maybe it's just because I'm not a guy of the big crowds. I prefer spending time with some good friends and a little circle of people, meaning I can't meet a lot of people at once. It also seems I'm not the kind of guy appealing to other guys (to the contrary of my brother, who was talked to by homosexuals several times already. He's straight though).

I see it like this: I prefer women to men in that regard. Doesn't mean I should be offended by homosexual couples. You gotta get rid of the old super culture influence which stuck to you since you were born...at least for our generation. Maybe not in a few decades, people are getting used to it.

[Dark Lum Lord]

I just want to be important to someone.

[Rayfist]

*Gender issue rant*

(decided to just write that instead of clogging up too much space here)
I'm late to this (super late, a month, jesus), but hey if it's what makes you happy then it's all good. I am a little worried you may not be entirely set on knowing if this is really for you, but if you're entirely sure, then I'm alright with the idea.

[Shrooblord]

I dunno man. I live in a country where these things are widely accepted. At my student union, I see one or two gay couples weekly. No problemo, you lovely homo.

Netherlands is a very particular country, right?

Historically, the Netherlands has been incredibly tolerant about pretty much everything: religion, sexuality, sex, gender, age, race - you name it. I'm not saying we're perfect. Hell no. We used to discriminate against the people whose lands we colonised. But overall, we are and always have been a pretty relaxed country.

[Dark Lum Lord]

i cant handle this anymore i cant im going to kill myself no one cares anyways

[Jewish Candy]

Please tell me you're not.