I'm looking for a voice actor

[Itooh]

Hello English PC! It's been a while.

As the title suggests, I'm creating this topic with a project in mind. So let's going into that context:
I've recently written and performed an audio sketch. Something between comedy and horror. For completely arbitrary reasons, I decided to do it entirely in English (more context: I am from ze frrench péçé). An occasion to practice my oral a little.

The result is here:


As you can hear from the very first seconds, it has a lot of issues. Not only my accent and pronunciation are terrible, but my microphone has also a crappy recording. Worst of all, these difficulties also impacted my acting, which is occasionally awful, globally mediocre. I've already done a lot of retakes to obtain something that isn't too painful, but the result is far from satisfying.

And that bothers me, since I'm a pretentious writer that believes his texts deserve better than this. More exactly, I would like to hear a version with a proper English, and a voice confident enough to act nicely. So I'm currently in search of someone who:
A - talks naturally English
B - has a decent microphone
C - knows a little bit how to play
D - is interested enough in this project

So I naturally went to the English side of the PC to look for a collaborator! I also need feedbacks from native English speaker: am I even understandable in this video? Are there some sentences that don't make sense, or don't feel natural at all?
If you liked this sketch, and have the motivation to perform it, I'd be happy to hear from you! I don't have strict instructions for the roles, so I can accept some personal interpretations, or suggestions regarding the text. Just ask here in order for us to get in contact.

That's all I have to say about it. Hoping that this creation will at least please some of you.

[Pirez]

I'm down, if you still want a french accent.

[Hunchman801]

Have you not found anyone yet?

[incognito]

I have a kinda british accent, I can give it a try if I see the text.

[Hunchman801]

The text is obviously the one in the video above. If you can't watch it I don't think it's worth trying to dub it.

[incognito]

Erm, a 20 minutes video....
Too heavy, for me the max is 7.

[Itooh]

Yes, it's a long sketch indeed.

Unfortunately I haven't found anyone, and I don't like this text anymore. I find the rhythm clumsy, the vocabulary poor, and the ideas cliche. Either I'm not attached anymore to what it tries to convey, either it doesn't achieve to deliver any message. Anyway, if I had to work on another version, I would completely rewrite it… Which I am not motivated to.
It was an experiment, the result was interesting at the time, but now I've moved on. So, never mind I guess.

But maybe in the future I will come back to this idea of “blog that turns horrific”. Maybe not in a video format. I still really like the idea of something familiar and awkwardly bad transforming into a mysterious madness.