Soooooo.
Darn, it is quite harsh to talk about it, but, let's give it a try.
So.
I recently had a depression since some months but it seems it is behind me, so at August I confessed I had feelings for someone, but I stayed quite mysterious about it, and I haven't revealed all the details but I think now should be the time.
So, back at August, I had serious depression troubles, and things weren't going well in my laifu. For me it was the beginning of the vacations and some things weren't going well, my Grandparents were kinda weak, yup they're pretty old now, and in addition, the country I am living in had severe energetic issues and I was pretty much expecting the end of electric supply in the town, and also I forgot to mention my computer had issues and my smartphone pretty much died and I fixed with duct tape, it held still until last week.
I also forgot to mention someone attempted to rob my house and the fact I had severe sleeping issues.
So, now I placed the synopsis, time to talk about the events.
So as I previously stated, sorry to bore you with my shit, I had hit on someone
for the first time aaaaaand it brought hell a lot of questions about :
Who I was, but I found my answer a week ago.
So after some sleepless nights, I was.... huhhhhh.... bad, red eyes and everything, pale skin....
And after discussing with what I call my "two selves" (yeah it might seem quite weird but if knowing me better it no longer seems psychotic) I decided to ignore what I felt for my safety.
But with that eidetic memory, forgetting is impossible, I started having hypermnesia attacks, almost seeming like dementia, I was already sleepless, tired, frustrated, sad. The rare hours of sleeping I had were mostly romantic dreams, almost driving me bad shit crazy, so I tried to brainwash, I even tried to drown my brain in alcohol, fuck, even making it out of control.
And Incognito appeared in a dream and told me to retake control of myself.
I followed his hint, I "woke up" and I took care of myself, cause I looked like a fuckin' zombie, and when I was good as new, I decided to give a try, because what made me entering in that state could be the cure.
But everything is never easy, especially for me, aaaaand I decided to take the plunge, but I was too shy to make anything real, and I went for the textual alternative and did it by mail.
In addition, I was in a really critical state when I wrote my letter, it was like damn Parkinson.
Fuck, I am still angry at myself for doing so, but so many fucking things happened to me back the that it transformed me some kind of freak.
I waited.
I waited.
I waited.
......
...
And you know the gist, I had no reply, and it I decided to give up, and after that, everything happened again, sleepless nights, and et cetera.
Soooo I made another attempt, extremely probably sinking me even deeper in that shit.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
You already know, no further explanation needed.
Also my memories of that period are kind of blurry, I bet you know why.
I pretty much stayed in that state since last week, where finally recovered my sanity.
yeaaaaaay.
There is also more, but I'll probably say it if someone reads and answer to that post seriously.
I know, my behavior is pretty much looked psychotic, but, I finally realized the only thing that brought me crazy is my own mind.
I may sound like completely crazy, but as a matter of fact I am really different of what I seem to be, it is a mask.
I don't remember if it was a froggit or the jelly-thingy. Certainly not Toriel!
