Jokes topic

[The Jonster]

Ah, yes, the Mystery Shack. Hee hee. Though I’m sad to say I only watched it sporadically. I should spend some time finishing the series...

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

Lads, I was about to post that one!

Thank y’all, I’ll be here all night if anyone wants a laugh! Not that I think I come up with good jokes though.

Let’s see...some more black humor.
One man’s trash is another man’s treasure? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.

[Steo]

Here's one for you. I'd have more chance of making a playable game if I burned my DVD in the fire instead of the crapped out DVD burner.

[The Jonster]

Of course I have a talent. I’m really good in bed. Sometimes I sleep more than 9 hours in one go.

[Steo]

Did you hear about that guy that squashed the top of his finger with a hammer? He really did hit the nail right on the head.

[The Jonster]

Sometimes I drink water - just to surprise my liver.

[Steo]

What about that idiot guy who's passenger tried to save him getting a speeding ticket. The guy was speeding when the passenger knew a speed camera was up ahead. He yelled "BRAKE... BRAKE". The guy ended up having to pay for a new windshield and received a speeding ticket. I'm amazed he didn't break his hand breaking that windshield

That's terrible isn't it

[R4Y_ANC3L]

What do you call a lock's corpse?

A Deadlock

[The Jonster]

It is important to make breaks between individual exercises. I personally stick to breaks of about 3-4 years.

[Steo]

It's recommended that you don't eat too late at night. It's OK for me though because it's early in the morning when I go to bed. I can just have breakfast

I'm sorry I'm not looking anything up I'm just thinking of random crap off the top of my head

[The Jonster]

It's recommended that you don't eat too late at night. It's OK for me though because it's early in the morning when I go to bed. I can just have breakfast

Thank you for reminding me that I am 6 hours and more behind all of you.

Hearing voices in your head is normal. Listening to them is quite common. Arguing with them – acceptable. It is only when you lose that argument that you get in real trouble.

[Steo]

An egg a day is Yolkay.

OMG I'm actually very sorry

[The Jonster]

An egg a day is Yolkay.

OMG I'm actually very sorry

Oh god for a second I thought you were speaking Pig Latin until I said the sentence through.


Organized people are simply too lazy to search for stuff.

[Steo]

Oh god for a second I thought you were speaking Pig Latin until I said the sentence through.

It's awful

Here's one my Grandad said years ago now it's bad but still:

A boy from Iraq was getting ready for school, his dad said "son you're going to be late". The boy replied "I can't find my Bag dad"

You might have to read it to get it but

[The Jonster]

OMG

Here's a weird one.

I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. I am perfect.

[Steo]

People are always telling me I think I'm better than them... I don't think I'm better than them though, I know I am

[The Jonster]

If you’re having a bad day, remember some adults wear braces.

I'm not sure how I can relate myself to that joke I just made

[Steo]

If you’re having a bad day, remember some adults wear braces.

It's OK I don't have braces but I do have awful teeth

An eejit goes to visit a friend in apartments. They keep trying to ring the bell but a set of doors to what look like a storage room just keep opening and closing. Not knowing what's happening he calls a passerby and says why does that storage room door keep opening. That's the elevator sir, you're calling the elevator.

I know bad right? Give me a bit of slack though I'm making these all up

[The Jonster]

If you’re having a bad day, remember some adults wear braces.

It's OK I don't have braces but I do have awful teeth

An eejit goes to visit a friend in apartments. They keep trying to ring the bell but a set of doors to what look like a storage room just keep opening and closing. Not knowing what's happening he calls a passerby and says why does that storage room door keep opening. That's the elevator sir, you're calling the elevator.

I know bad right? Give me a bit of slack though I'm making these all up

At least you're making them. I'm just pulling these from other sources, i am NOT any better than you.

I’m on a strict seafood diet. I see food, I eat it.

[Steo]

What's with that John Cena going around telling everyone they can't feckin see him. We can all see him, he's right there

[The Jonster]

Feckin eejit that John Cena!

.....yeah that's all i got I had a sudden brain fart