General Puns

[Steo]

I tripped and fell on an escalator, you should have seen the stairs I got.

[Aaron]

I lived at a place where there's a lot of trash on the streets and I was really sad because of it. I felt like I was down in the dumps.

[Steo]

I have plenty of suits, so I hope Santa brings me plenty of ties for Christmas.

[The Jonster]

I have a medical eggsam with my doctor today, but I just had an egg sandwich and I'm feeling scrambled, hope I don't crack.

[Steo]

My brother wasn't going to eat his salad and I was like "lettuce eat that".

[R4Y_ANC3L]

I am a ghost and I have to go on a "Die"t.

[Steo]

My sister won't shut up about her new sewing machine. She keeps saying she's going to sew something and I'm like "sew what!?".

[The Jonster]

I once said to vegetarians that I come in peas.

[Steo]

There's Tennents near me. The guys are renting a dwelling and running an off licence.

[The Jonster]

Me and my mom love drinking tea, that’s what makes our relationship brew-tea-ful.

[Steo]

There's not much difference between a payphone and a mobile phone, they both charge

Edit: I guess this is more of a terrible joke than a pun actually.

[The Jonster]

I went to buy a pie for my friend along with a cheesecake for my friend, though after coming home I accidentally ate the pie. My friend called me the next day and asked "How could you dessert me?"

[Steo]

I accidentally ate the pie.

Accidentally?

I prefer to sit in a dark room, I'm delighted.

[The Jonster]

Hahahahah! Brilliant!

It's getting colder these days since it's getting closer to Christmas, I just snow it's going to be freezing cold, I just hope I've been ice this year.

[Steo]

My dog always takes the full sliced pan off the table, he's a full-bred.

[R4Y_ANC3L]

I haven't been able to get anything from the library. I must admit that their Business is booking!!

[The Jonster]

It’s a brand new day and I feel like having breakfast. This is going to be an eggsciting day!

[Aaron]

I wanted to make a pretzel joke but it would've been too cheesy.

[The Jonster]

I've been trying to finish reading my books before returning them, but I've been procaffeinating. Maybe I need some coffee so I have more time to read.

[Steo]

I wanted to make a pretzel joke but it would've been too cheesy.

I guess multi-tasking and trying to do more than one thing at a time is two hard.