My current Fan Fiction - Campaign and Revolution

[SamBeckett94]

The full story of the Robo-Pirates, I have a sequel planned for this. This is basically a fresh look at Rayman Revolution's events, with a full prologue and epilogue to introduce the Robo-pirates. This is shown from the pirate's point of view.
Here is the first promo. Please tell me what you think:

Campaign and Revolution
By Samuel Beckett
PART ONE: HYBERNADIOUS

UNIT #4012/LOG-ONE/CAMPAIGN-107
24th January, 1973
The Period of Chancellor Veranium

The Robo-pirates marched over the corpse-ridden battlefield, blasting, tearing, breaking and butchering everything that crossed their path. The Hybernadions had no chance of winning now. The whole fleet of Robo-pirates lead by the vicious tyrant, that is Admiral Spoentious Razorbeard, he gave commands only to destroy and enslave, he even killed his own soldiers if they failed him.
The Robo-pirates were more than three quarters of the way over the battlefield now. At the top of the hill around the battlefield was the governor of the most significant portion of the planet. If the Pirates take over this, they have control over more than two thirds of the planet. The ongoing wave of nefarious filth marched around the hill, blasting the heads of various Hybernadions who struggled to keep the Pirates off the hill. The Pirates marched further and further up the hill, and about after forty minutes, reached the governor. A lieutenant Robo-pirate pointed his weapon at him, slowly moving around him, then rushed a little to manoeuvre behind him, and then suddenly seized the governor by the neck. The governor screamed in both pain and shock, and began to whimper.
“Log the previous and current events, unit four-o-twelve.” The lieutenant ordered.
“I will obey.” Unit #4012 responded simply.
“Governor Shweinerman, state your files.” The lieutenant tightened his grip on the governor.
“I… can’t.” Governor Schweinerman answered.
“OBEY, OR BE DESTROYED!” The lieutenant screamed in a burst of outrage.
“I can’t remember them.”
“We have you in possession. We can force you to sign the document that puts us in possession of your part of the planet. If you don’t obey, we already have a document signed by you leaving your part of the planet to us.”
“You forced me to do that.”
“I am perfectly aware of that, infidel. So, either way, whether you surrender or we kill you, the planet is ours.”
“Don’t do this. You’ll regret it.”
“No. You’ll regret ever saying that. I WILL KILL YOU, INFIDEL!” Barked the Robo-lieutenant in the chilling metallic voice, and then tore open the governor’s throat with the hook. “Return to base. Admiral Razorbeard shall show the document to the senators. Should they try to prevent Admiral Razorbeard from taking control of the planet, they will share the same fate as governor Schweinerman.” The order was sent out to all the Robo-pirates. Every one of the thousands of soldiers vigorously spun, and then slowly marched off into the distance.

When I've finished the story, I'll post it on Fanfiction.net, then post a link in this post.

[SamBeckett94]

I've almost finished the first chapter of the fanfic. I'll post it when it's done. Excuse me for the double post.

[SamBeckett94]

Excuse me for the triple post! Here is the complete first chapter (prologue):

Campaign and Revolution
By Samuel Beckett
PART ONE: HYBERNADIOUS

UNIT #4012/LOG-ONE/CAMPAIGN-107
24th January, 1973
The Period of Chancellor Veranium

The Robo-pirates marched over the corpse-ridden battlefield, blasting, tearing, breaking and butchering everything that crossed their path. The Hybernadions had no chance of winning now. The whole fleet of Robo-pirates lead by the vicious tyrant, that is Admiral Spoentious Razorbeard, he gave commands only to destroy and enslave, he even killed his own soldiers if they failed him.
The Robo-pirates were more than three quarters of the way over the battlefield now. At the top of the hill around the battlefield was the governor of the most significant portion of the planet. If the Pirates take over this, they have control over more than two thirds of the planet. The ongoing wave of nefarious filth marched around the hill, blasting the heads of various Hybernadions who struggled to keep the Pirates off the hill. The Pirates marched further and further up the hill, and about after forty minutes, reached the governor. A lieutenant Robo-pirate pointed his weapon at him, slowly moving around him, then rushed a little to manoeuvre behind him, and then suddenly seized the governor by the neck. The governor screamed in both pain and shock, and began to whimper.
“Log the previous and current events, unit four-o-twelve.” The lieutenant ordered.
“I will obey.” Unit #4012 responded simply.
“Governor Shweinerman, state your files.” The lieutenant tightened his grip on the governor.
“I… can’t.” Governor Schweinerman answered.
“OBEY, OR BE DESTROYED!” The lieutenant screamed in a burst of outrage.
“I can’t remember them.”
“We have you in possession. We can force you to sign the document that puts us in possession of your part of the planet. If you don’t obey, we already have a document signed by you leaving your part of the planet to us.”
“You forced me to do that.”
“I am perfectly aware of that, infidel. So, either way, whether you surrender or we kill you, the planet is ours.”
“Don’t do this. You’ll regret it.”
“No. You’ll regret ever saying that. I WILL KILL YOU, INFIDEL!” Barked the Robo-lieutenant in the chilling metallic voice, and then tore open the governor’s throat with the hook. “Return to base. Admiral Razorbeard shall show the document to the senators. Should they try to prevent Admiral Razorbeard from taking control of the planet, they will share the same fate as governor Schweinerman.” The order was sent out to all the Robo-pirates. Every one of the thousands of soldiers vigorously spun, and then slowly marched off into the distance.

Admiral Razorbeard glared at the senators. “WHAT? YOU’RE NOT GIVING UP WITHOUT A FIGHT?”
“That is true, sir. You have no right to take our state, with signed document or not.”
“Oh? #1207, #7014!”
Two Pirates entered the council chamber and stood at either side of Razorbeard.
“What is thy bidding, admiral?” Both Pirates enquired.
“Code 471 – DESTROY THESE INFIDELS!”
The two Pirates lunged forward with their hook-arm, scraping of each of the senators’ faces. #7014 aimed his weapon at the supreme senator, and then blasted his head clean off.
“So, we have no right to take your planet, do we? #1207, #7014, come!”
Razorbeard triumphantly marched towards the exit of the room, and then turned around. “This planet is now under our control. Respect it. Love it with all of your Pentium processor.” Razorbeard turned back around, the two Pirates followed. Razorbeard’s next target has even less a chance now that one hundred and fourteen planets were all under Razorbeard’s control. All tendered by itchy trigger-fingered Robo-pirates...

Feedback would be very much appreciated.

[Beebop]

Great story, Sam. Hope to see more.

[NeoKairi]

Maybe I'm a little late, but I just noticed this, and I think that this looks like it'll be an interesting fic. I'll be looking forward to reading the rest. :)

[Blok2004]

Sounds really awesome I always think its funny how every fanfic is about pirates invading

[Beebop]

It all ends up the same, yeah.

[Phoenixan]

I love how this is written like a report. Very good work here. Even though this one does involve the pirates, it's written differently than the others.

“This planet is now under our control. Respect it. Love it with all of your Pentium processor.”

Great stuff.

[NeoKairi]

Sounds really awesome I always think its funny how every fanfic is about pirates invading

Well that's just because Robo-Pirates > Everything else.
...
But then again, I'm a Robo-Pirate fan, so that's just my opinion. XD