fanfic "the story and the truth"

[CLARK1]

Cheer wahoo yeh(went background voices) he walked towards the door. He had a few second thoughts and then took a deep breath. he walked forwards opening the door. for a second he paused, put out his hand and the door slid open. Flashback;waaa! waaa!
Dont worry little baby , ill take care of you.
it looked at the tall towering teensie. come with me you slightly odd baby, ill take care of you, the teensie llulabied. The baby looked at the teensie and started laughing and gurgling.
the teensie picked up the baby and took it to his home.

normal;
The cheers grew even louder.YEEEY WAHHOOOOOOOOOOO GO YEEEY WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO. there were nonthe less than 70 people in a huge crowd holding up big posters and kites flyingg in the air around the village.

[CLARK1]

he stood on a small platform roughly higher than everyone.
FLASHBACK;
its ok baby the teensie said. have this cup of plum juice, youl like it. the baby drank. the teensie was wondering at how the baby was drinking for it had no neck, infact it didnt have any limbs. dya know wat i think ill call you ray.
2 years later. ray was chasing a butterfly he was now 3 years old. he meet globox son of globber and ly an orphan like himself.
one day though he heard rumbles and crashes, he went towards his parent teensies room and the teensie was know longer there. "Daddy, Daddy.
Daddy? DADDY.DADDY!! wwaaawawwwwwwwwaaaaaaa! DADDY!!!!!!!!!!. he was no longer there, ray looked out the window he saw something strange preparing to hang rays daddy. it had a long scarf covering up its face and a ninja sword there were 2 of them ray saw one of them suddenly look upon him. ray was struck with the uttermost terror. he walked backwards. then he thought abou his dad and then ran down and tried to open the door. it wouldnt open he wasnt strong enough so he ran to the window the ninja creatures were putting on a rope on rays dad. ray pushed the window and jumped out, tears in his eyes, he triped over and still kept running

[Cairnie]

I'll have to be blunt. This story is really poor, and it's mainly because of the abnormal amount of spelling and grammar mistakes here. Not to mention, that the plot doesn't even make sense anyway; how can there be a cheering crowd while Rayman is going up to a door, and then have a flashback? Fanfictions aren't like movies, cartoons or whatever.

Is English even your first language by the way?

I'm sorry that this is harsh but it'll be the only way for you to improve your writing.

[Hunchman801]

It reminds me of the wabid & the wite lum, only worse. I don't know what language you're speaking, but I'd suggest writing in English instead

[CLARK1]

yeh i know im bad at this ive only been living in england for 1 year , i came from poland

[Acarr]

How many people from Poland are here, again?

[Xenon]

There seem to be more emigrants than inhabitants!

Anyway, I may as well be brutal: its standard is poor. Not to be rude, but unless you excel in the English language, writing a fanfiction is just something that will not work. When your English has improved, I'm sure you'd make a better author, but for now, it's almost incoherent.

[Holy Crap]

It reminds me of the wabid & the wite lum, only worse. I don't know what language you're speaking, but I'd suggest writing in English instead

That one was done so deliberately though wasn't it?

[Shawn]

It reminds me of the wabid & the wite lum, only worse. I don't know what language you're speaking, but I'd suggest writing in English instead

That one was done so deliberately though wasn't it?

Seeing that the word "orsum" is used in it, yes.

[CLARK1]

ok ill try to write better the truth is i can write better i was just writing in slang for no particular reason, and im quite young aswell so i have a reason

[Lachimax]

Don't worry Clark1, it was fine. It just takes a little practice.

[CLARK1]

thanks ... your well good at writing, and i havent seen you for a long time... have you got some more people for the episode

[Lachimax]

The only person I have at the moment is Zay-el, for Shadow.

[CLARK1]

thats not to bad... ill try to get some people aswell

[CLARK1]

Ray was running towards the strange creatures at no avail.
It was too late, the teensie that had cared for him was now gone, for ever.
Ray was shocked, with no breath in his lungs he fell down.
Seeing the creatures run of was his last vision.

* birds tweaking*
Ray opened his eyes to see something that had struck him.
There he, the one that looked after ray for all those years...

[El Dango]

Ray was shocked, with no breath in his lungs he fell down.

Just a little tip: You don't have to write 'in his lungs'.
But your writing has become better.

[CLARK1]

yey thank you , i really was trying that time

[CLARK1]

As Ray stood up, he started to be gasping for breath. He watched in the morning light, lit by the two suns circling the crossroads. Seeing a figure with a long nose and a body swaying in the air. Ray ran towards the figure. He looked up at the body, he realised a small scorch mark on the skin of the creature.
It was a picture of a lum and a tower on both sides of it.
Ray had no idea what to do, he ran to the fairy councel.

Ray walked in seeing a Ludiv pointing at a board. Infront of the Ludiv, three other Ludivs and Ly were sitting in desks. "Who dares disrupt my lesson," the teacher supposed Ludiv snared. Everyones attention turned to Ray.
"Ray?" exlcaimed Ly. "What are you doing here?" Ray was shy and shocked. He started to cry.
"Help, Daddy," he squirmed.
"What about your dad"? Asked the small but impatiant Ludiv, "whats happened to him?"
Ray started to cry again. "folow me" ray just about said.
They started to get ot of their desks.
"Oii!" The teacher shouted. "ill be quik no one dare to move".
"but" the students started.
"N O means NO!"
The teacher folowed Ray. They went to Rays Dad's house. Their was a small crowd of around three people. There was the teensie that comes to Rays dad every morning. Ray didnt know why but he sees him bringing crates of things. The other teensies were his best freinds...