Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums

[BarkingChaos]

Lately I have been feeling kinda depressed about school. I had a great freshmen year, but then my grades plummeted last semester. I couldnt stay focused on school work because my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and was going through radiation treatments. Luckily the cancer was caught in time so she is fine, but she is going back to the doctors later this month to make sure that the cancer IS really gone. I realize RayFan has it much worse than I do, and I am not trying to get sympathy, only mentioning it as a reason why I think I was so unable to focus last semester. This semester however, I feel a bit like whats the point? If I get just one C I lose all my scholarships. Math is not a strong point of mine, simple math formulas are like trying to solve a rubiks cube for me, and I am taking chemistry and astronomy, two fairly math intensive courses. I already dropped my philosophy course (to be fair, i was taking it online, and it isnt exactly a class you can take online and expect to do good), leaving me with 15 hours so I can't drop any more courses. I have two tests thursday and one wednesday and I feel like whats the point studying? I don't know this stuff and I dont think I will learn it by then. I could just drop out of school, but that leaves me with over 50K dollars in loans I would have to pay back (my scholarship converts to a loan if you change majors or drop out of school), so that is not an option. I just dont know what to do anymore.

[Adsolution]

Always remember BarkingChaos, if you fail a course, there isn't any harm in redoing it to get a scholarship-satisfactory grade. I've never signed up for a scholarship, so I'm not very intuitive in how they work, and if it's possible to revoke them peacefully. I haven't exactly been the happiest I've ever been at school lately either, rather quite miserable, for the same reason. However, since I never signed up for a scholarship, I'm taking my more difficult courses online as of this semester, which has just started today.

Also, I just got back from camping under the back overhang of the hospital, I couldn't bare to leave it so soon. I know it was a dangerously stupid thing to do, especially because it's -10 and snowy outside tonight, but we aren't always in our right minds when we lose the closest thing we've known to parents.

[SuperSunshine]

I'm sorry about everything thats happend to you so far Rayfan. Have you been able tp speak to your mother yet? About anything?

As for you Chaos all I can say is do what you think is best. I know its really not much help seeing as you don't really know what to do. But i'm an downright idiot so helping someone with school is not something I do well.

While i'm here I might as well talk about the epuloge of the "Rayman Origins incident". Just now I finally sat down near my PS3 dusted it off like it was an old book in an untouched attic and turned it on. I havent been able to play it for almost a month now because everytime I looked at it it reminded me of the ignorance of my family and how much I hated to be around them as a matter of fact I hated most of my family members. Now you may ask SuperSunshine how could you hate something so close to you? Maybe its because my family is full of hyprocritical, nonsensed, oversized ego'd, verbally abusive, and concided fools. As a matter of fact. Even I have those traits and I hate it. The problem is everyone else denys that they have these traits they think thier perfect or the reason they act like that is because "Thier life is a living hell" Just because they have to go though a bump in the road. When I finally had to guts to tell my mom about my anxienty problems and that I just couldin't face them anymore she told me to just snap out of it. Her reason? "My life isin't as bad as hers" I won't say that being a single mom working to make sure her kids are taken care of isin't a hard life but does that make it an excuse to brush of my problems like all I did was stub my toe? i'm sorry mom but I can't just wake up one morning and brush off the fact that almost every moment of my life is lived in anxienty and fear.
Well thats all I have for now. Its funny how I ended up letting that all out from just turning on my PS3 and playing GTA4 I was originally just going to say something like "lol guys it still hurts to put Rayman Origins in my ps3; ow my heart."

[BarkingChaos]

As for you Chaos all I can say is do what you think is best. I know its really not much help seeing as you don't really know what to do. But i'm an downright idiot so helping someone with school is not something I do well.

Its ok. i wasnt really expecting help. I just needed someplace to talk about how I was feeling. I can't go to my mom because she freaks out like I just murdered someone every time I even mention I dont think I'm doing very well in school, let alone feeling hopeless and like I should give up :/

[Adsolution]

@BarkingChaos:
I'm sorry, I called you Smega in my last post. I'm out of it.

@SuperSunshine:
I understand, and in my opinion, you aren't doing anything wrong. Some parents are just incredibly stubborn.

Also, GTA IV is interestingly quite a good way to let off rage, isn't it? Niko's troubles being relatable, combined with the realism, creates a great venting outlet.

[Haruka]

I've been annoyed with school lately: I almost have no time for myself. Descriptive Geometry A requires diary studying (the book where I am studying has got more than 800 exercises in total) and each exercise now takes around 30 minutes if I want to make sure everything is carefully drawn and correct (Due to the insane amount of exercises it needs to be done to be minimally prepared for the tests, I sometimes I must awake at 8:00h, starting to do the exercises at 8:30h and only stopping at 19h:00). This Friday I must start revising again for the upcoming test day 10th February and 14th February (Part 1 and part 2 respectively), and the teacher will ask again questions about Metrical Problems, probably the most annoying unit of the year in the subject (not to mention we must know everything we gave since September). When I'm not busy with DGA, I'm busy with History of Culture and Arts: it is a flood of information and what's worse is that we are with 1 month of delay in the units because between September and October we had no teacher for us, which means we are "swallowing" everything we can to make sure we catch up everything in time before the exams in June. I did the HCA test yesterday and I got out of the classroom with my hand hurting as hell (I am not exaggerating), the test was giant and I finished it 5 minutes before the bell ringing. (When it was missing 10 minutes, I noticed I still had 3 questions to answer ) After the DGA test, I have to continue the investigation work for HCA about Impressionist Art, which must be delivered in max until endings of February. Then the next tests for both subjects are somewhere in March aswell. There are days I arrive home tired, without patience for anything and frustrated. I think I can only breathe a little in Easter, a break of 2 weeks of holidays that land in endings of March and beginnings of April.

[Raymansgirl22]

I know this is a random thing to say but.. I'm sooooooooooooo glad I dropped out of school almost 3 years ago.. I never understand why nobody liked me at every school I went to still.. I'll probably never know the answer/truth about it.. I also feel bad for you too BarkingChaos & Rayfan..

[Adsolution]

I hate some things really bad.

I've said at different points in time that I hate certain fanbases. Even when I make it extraordinarily obvious that I'm being satirical (something I do very often), they label me as a bloodthirsty hater. I'll come right out and say it: I hate the fanbases of Portal, anime, Scott Pilgrim, and retro gamers, in descending order. Why? Portal fans never shut up about Portal, anime fans constantly leave tildes at the ends of their sentences~, Scott Pilgrim is an average, amusing and quirky movie with no real clinging value to it, and retro gamers... just... game; they search and search, collect and collect, just to play and play, often thinking that moving beyond 8-bit was a mistake.

Does that mean I hate every last one of you? Not at all. I think that what I said would only cover about 50-75% of each fanbases (which is still an annoyingly high percentage). Most of the people I bother to have decent conversation with I would never start a conversation with if they were obsessed with certain things - which is exactly why I just lost one of my best friends. We're both in love with audio work, but I've always been more of a listener than a talker. He, over time, became a true talker.

When I first met him at age twelve, he was polite, kind, and he would always be interested in whatever anyone had to talk about. As time went on and he began getting really into audio work, every time we meet up, from the moment we meet each others' eyes until the moment we depart, he rambles on and on and on and on and on about the "idiots he has to work with" on stage (he does the sound mixing for his school's theatre), about the mixers/interfaces/equipment he wants to buy, and lecturing me on the horrid acoustics of my room and on the fact that I don't have very good speakers. To top it off, he YELLS. God, his normal talking voice is now almost yelling. I understand if I'm his only friend who shares an interest in audio, but after being with him for the day, I don't feel like touching an instrument for the rest of it. He, along with one other friend I had, were the only people whom I shared interests in game design with, but he seemed to have lost all of it when he got into audio work, and the other friend I'm now no longer able to see because I'm apparently "the work of the devil" or something queer like that. Anyway, I finally told my audio-indulged friend to not talk so much, resulting in him getting angry and criticizing me like mad, then me telling him in the loudest voice possible to "shut the fuck up more than once in a while." That was the end of that.

One last thing: I've overheard multiple conversations here and there complaining about how "obsessed" I am with Muse. Not to sound like a hypocrite and/or a self-defender, but aside from the fact that I had a Muse signature for a bit, I rarely ever even mention Muse, and when I do, I'm usually mocking my own fondness of them.

[SanteriEdelweiss]

Well, I'm beginning to be bored and sick of college, eventhough my faculty is the one that matches me the most. In many ways, I want to drop out & fly around the world, but I don't want to tell my parents about it.... I hate using Adobe Flash as well...

I'm also different from the rest of my classmate and we barely have anything in common. In fact, nothing at all other than we're in the same class, studying the same thing.

[DesLife]

I hate some things really bad.

I've said at different points in time that I hate certain fanbases. Even when I make it extraordinarily obvious that I'm being satirical (something I do very often), they label me as a bloodthirsty hater. I'll come right out and say it: I hate the fanbases of Portal, anime, Scott Pilgrim, and retro gamers, in descending order. Why? Portal fans never shut up about Portal, anime fans constantly leave tildes at the ends of their sentences~, Scott Pilgrim is an average, amusing and quirky movie with no real clinging value to it, and retro gamers... just... game; they search and search, collect and collect, just to play and play, often thinking that moving beyond 8-bit was a mistake.

Your opinion is incredibly biased, since every fanbase ever is like that. The worst one being the Muse fanbase of course.

[Spanex]

...anime...

This.

It annoys me when all a person can talk about is anything japanese. With this I do not mean to say I hate Japan. I only hate it when I'm constantly hearing talk about things related to anime or manga.

And I do know somebody in real life who yells for talking. It's extremely annoying. Especially because he likes to talk a lot about his facebook games and (guess what!) anime.

[MLII]

anime fans constantly leave tildes at the ends of their sentences~

;_;

I'm sorry~ Wait I mean I'm sorry.

And damn, the rest of that kind of sucks. D| I know people like that, I know this one guy at drama club who only ever talks about Zelda and the SNES he bought off eBay for £5 and that's a REALLY old game system, don't you know, and...well...just crap lik that. n.n What's worse is when I try to join in he just goes "Hm yeah" and goes back to what he was saying before that. It's like he's not even freaking LISTENING but he doesn't really have any other friends (and come to think of it neither do I) so I just stick with him anyway.

Also my brother is being a TOTAL asshat recently. He's completely stopped listening to me, to the point where he cuts over the top of my sentence or freaking walks away when I try to say something to him. He never lets me talk about my problems to him; his theory is "if it doesn't directly concern you, it shouldn't bother you. How dare you let it bother you" and thus it makes things really hard for me because most of my problems stem down to the way some people treat other people. But obviously because no-one's DIRECTLY INSULTING ME AND USING MY NAME then I can't talk about it and I should shut up and move on. What's hypocritical is that he constantly whines about things to me, going on about OH THE PEOPLE AT DRAMA CLUB ARE OBNOXIOUS (um yes I've been trying to say that to you but you don't care when it's me) and YOU MUST SEE THIS LADY GAGA VIDEO THAT'S 12 MINUTES LONG AND EVEN THOUGH YOU'VE SAID THREE TIMES YOU DON'T WANT TO WATCH IT I'M GOING TO LOAD IT UP ANYWAY. And if I tried doing that to him he'd be really bitchy about it and storm off like "I TOLD YOU I'M NOT INTERESTED!! I'M SORRY BUT I'M NOT NOTHING YOU TALK ABOUT IS INTERESTING". He's openly ADMITTED he stops listening every time I open my mouth unless I'm agreeing with him, and he basically dominates every conversation we have...lol they're not even CONVERSATIONS because he's the only one that's allowed to talk.

And he's been really short with me recently. Every time I make the lsightest mistake or something, he sighs and rolls his eyes and goes "NO IT'S X" and acts like the smallest kindergartener would know it. He also keeps elaborating on what words mean; so we had a conversation like this yesterday.

Your laundry's here, I'd like it if you could put it away imminently.
Okay, will do.
That means, "today or tomorrow" by the way.
Uh, yeah, I knew that.
...FINE -storms off-
...

That goes for pretty much any other words over six letters; when he's talking to my mom and I'm in the room/car and he uses a "big word", occasionally he'll explain what it means for my benefit EVEN THOUGH I've known some of those words since I was six.

So let me tell you something else. It's a bit belated but oh well.

On Good Friday, Friday the sixth, I cut myself. Like, self harm type cut myself. I'm not sure why, the day's a bit fuzzy. So my mom found out on the Monday and we had a discussion and she was quite understanding about it, surprisingly.

My brother on the other hand, was blatently not interested. When I showed him my arm the only thing he said was "Oh." and it wasn't even concerned, it was more "this is srsly what you dragged my away from minecraft for?" I tried to explain why but he wasn't listening; in fact he was more concerned about the fact i swore at some point during it and made me stop talking while he lectured me on it and made me apologise then when I did he left the room. My mom's response was OH MAYBE HE'S JUST A BIT SHOCKED AND DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY um no mom he doesn't fing care.

Speaking of my mom, she says the reason he's being an asshat is because he's stressed about his GCSEs and is taking it out on everyone. I personally don't care; I just want him to stop being a dickwad. ._.

TLDR? There is none. I don't mind if you don't care but if you do please read the whole thing

[El Dango]

TLDR? There is none.

I'm not satisfied with your service.

[ikke471]

Scott Pilgrim is an average, amusing and quirky movie with no real clinging value to it.

I just said I loved the movie.....

everyone seems to get mad at me for doing... well... anything....
(I do something and there is a raging person who's yelling that I shouldn't have done that thing that I did -__-)

[Haruka]

I'm fan of Portal, but I'm not talking about it the whole time. I also like animé, but I'm very selective in the animés I see and enjoy to watch. To be honest, I've met a few years ago a person who was really obcessed by animé at a point it scared me to death. And yes, she often ended sentences with japanese quotes, even when she was picking up a call from someone. I can't give an opinion about Scott Pilgrim since I know very little about him, now retro gaming... I consider myself a retro gamer, but when talking about arcade games or any other of 8-bits era, those are games I like to play only ocasionally and not taking them quite seriously.

I feel sorry about your problems, Rayfan.

Hmm... Lets say that my next 2 months will be hellish. I have the History of Culture and Arts test now day 7th May, and for that I need to start studying day 30th April. The problem is the quantity of stuff we must know for the test: dozens and dozens of pages with informations in the manual plus all the notes we have in the notebook and the extra papers we got from the teacher. We must know everything about Romantism, Naturalism, Realism and Impressionism. And to make things better, the teacher is constantly changing the tests structures and the kind of questions she makes so we have no idea how she can ask the stuff. And besides, even if I write almost 2 pages for a single answer, the teacher tells me my answer is incomplete and that "I'm too much synthetical". Do you know what's funny? The last test had so many questions that to really obey to the answer style of the teacher's pleasing, the 90 minutes of class are not enough. We all tried to explain that to the teacher but we all saw it is useless. Studying like hell, doing my best in the tests answers, writting walls of text without stopping in the answers, and I still get less than 15 (while last year with the last year's teacher I always had 18s and 19s in the tests) I don't think this is quite an incentive and it doesn't help me to know if I truly know the stuff. She also changed the lesson giving style: she'll write stuff in the blackboard for we writting to our notebooks in the entire classes, until the end of the lective year. Why? We have more than 1 month of delay in the units (because we stood in the beginning of the lective year without any teacher, thanks to the Portuguese Ministery of Education system of professors placement) and we must rush. Knowing what we still must give until 8th June, I don't think we'll give anything in time, and probably there won't we time either to revise everything we gave last year. Something tells me that the HCA National Exam that will happen day 19th June in the afternoon will go wrong for everyone including me.

Then I'm soon having a flood of Descriptive Geometry A exercises. We must also give until 8th June the 2 last chapters, that are mainly about Axonometries (Orthogonal and Obliqual/Clinogonal). And I think we'll only make one test in this term instead of two, in the end of May/beginnings of June, so I must make sure I really understand everything until the test. Then I'll also have the DGA National Exam day 22th June in the afternoon, and I must master a bit of everything we gave this year since they'll ask 4 exercises that can be anything from the 10 units. I hope the efforts I've been doing in these last months end up rewarding in the exam.

[Spanex]

Scott Pilgrim is an average, amusing and quirky movie with no real clinging value to it.

I just said I loved the movie.....

everyone seems to get mad at me for doing... well... anything....
(I do something and there is a raging person who's yelling that I shouldn't have done that thing that I did -__-)

No, she didn't call you out for it. She explicitly said so

[Adsolution]

I just said I loved the movie.....

everyone seems to get mad at me for doing... well... anything....
(I do something and there is a raging person who's yelling that I shouldn't have done that thing that I did -__-)

Wt... ng... fe... GNNGNNNGTGHGHHTHEFUCK. I presume that response was either meant for a good hardy laugh, or you made the conscious decision to miss the entire meaning of what you replied to. And when I say entire, I mean it could be doubled and still be valid. Maybe that's why you think people get mad at you, for every reason and lack of reason stated above. Read what you're replying to:

Does that mean I hate every last one of you? Not at all. I think that what I said would only cover about 50-75% of each fanbase (which is still an annoyingly high percentage).

No, she didn't call you out for it. She explicitly said so

Thank you, Spanex! For the love of all that is real, thank you.

TLDR? There is none. I don't mind if you don't care but if you do please read the whole thing

I swear that was an exact copypasta of something I posted a while ago.

As for your brother, relationship speaking, I think you have the worst kind. The way your brother talks to me is similar to the way my "mother" talks to me, and it feels so incredibly degrading. My "brother" does it too, but he's hardly around (he's usually out with friends getting drunk and performing with his band). If you're on your last legs, all I can probably suggest is doing something that proves to him that you're more than a "little sister" (I assume he's older than you, right?). I haven't succeeded at that yet, albeit I would have tried harder if he were around more, but for me it's just not worth it anymore. You live with your brother though, so I think it's plenty worth it to really surprise him with something. Unless you already do this, try doing something for him that would be completely against your normal interests and inside his, and see if he likes it. If he criticizes it, then... shit. If he is actually pleasantly surprised and it's the first nice reaction you get out of him, then maybe, through unnecessary acting on your part he'll start to like you more. I can't really say if that will happen or not, but it kind of seems like one of those possible things to me.

[spiraldoor]

On Good Friday, Friday the sixth, I cut myself. Like, self harm type cut myself. I'm not sure why, the day's a bit fuzzy. So my mom found out on the Monday and we had a discussion and she was quite understanding about it, surprisingly.

My brother on the other hand, was blatently not interested. When I showed him my arm the only thing he said was "Oh." and it wasn't even concerned, it was more "this is srsly what you dragged my away from minecraft for?" I tried to explain why but he wasn't listening; in fact he was more concerned about the fact i swore at some point during it and made me stop talking while he lectured me on it and made me apologise then when I did he left the room. My mom's response was OH MAYBE HE'S JUST A BIT SHOCKED AND DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY um no mom he doesn't fing care.

It sounds to me like you cut yourself because you really want your brother to pay attention to you.

[Spanex]

As for your brother, relationship speaking, I think you have the worst kind. The way your brother talks to me is similar to the way my "mother" talks to me, and it feels so incredibly degrading. My "brother" does it too, but he's hardly around (he's usually out with friends getting drunk and performing with his band). If you're on your last legs, all I can probably suggest is doing something that proves to him that you're more than a "little sister" (I assume he's older than you, right?). I haven't succeeded at that yet, albeit I would have tried harder if he were around more, but for me it's just not worth it anymore. You live with your brother though, so I think it's plenty worth it to really surprise him with something. Unless you already do this, try doing something for him that would be completely against your normal interests and inside his, and see if he likes it. If he criticizes it, then... shit. If he is actually pleasantly surprised and it's the first nice reaction you get out of him, then maybe, through unnecessary acting on your part he'll start to like you more. I can't really say if that will happen or not, but it kind of seems like one of those possible things to me.

I actually have a similar problem. I don't think my brother (he is older) understands that my feelings get deeply hurt when he calls me out when he thinks I did something wrong. I was told he doesn't mean it that way, but the tone of voice he uses just...ugh. It just burns, you know? At some point it made me wish I was a single child.

Once, rather than asking me about it first, he simply accused me unjustly of leaving wet washcloths in the bathroom. So, how did he punish me? He dropped them right on my chair. That's right. And when I asked about who did it, he began to cuss me out.

And though that's not even one of the worst things he did to make me feel like crap, it was the last straw. I didn't know what to do, so I talked with my mother about it. And even though I should have spoken to him, it was her who began the confrontation.

I'm not a person who can fight back. Especially against abusive family members. When he does these things and backtalks, I just shut down. Defeated.

Sometimes I think he likes to pick on me just for the reason I'm so easy to pick on...

[ikke471]

Wt... ng... fe... GNNGNNNGTGHGHHTHEFUCK

succesfull troll is succesfull

nah sorry rayfan... but serieusly everyone gets mad at me today for some reason.... I kinda deserved that one from you though xD