Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums

[Zikken]

My reason for my anxiety and phobia is that I got so bullied in primary school because that I am autistic (asperger more specifically) that I started to go away from everyone and stay in my own bubble world, not talking to anyone. I never really had a true friend outside of internet either because of that. I started to get scared from talking to people from being used to be told to get away because i'm a "weirdo". Worse thing is, that the school didn't give a crap and let them go after me. It continued in high school and just got depression from that. Ended up failing my second year there twice and then dropped out which leads me here now in adult school. I was bullied while in class, it was pretty bad. Only one person stood up for me and it was a very old class teammate from primary school. Can't do anything but blame the society for my anxiety and phobia.

That really sucks. I have quite history about being bullied too but I've learned to stop giving a shit about those people. Thing I had to deal with last school year was when one these hilarious people decided it would be oh so funny to make racist jokes. Luckily these same people are also incredibly ignorant and I get to choose whether to make them look like idiots by telling them every word they say is incorrect or make them believe the dumbest shit and they'll fall for it. I won't deny that it's tough to speak up for yourself but it's a true relief when you do.

I learned to not give shit about them a bit too late because 2 weeks later I dropped out. High school was too hard for me anyway, couldn't keep up with the class.

I always feel like i'm going to be judged for what I say so I never talk to anyone.

Easy to relate to. It's something I even have with my own family. What has kept me from developing any friendships with anyone in years is the fact that I'm always being told what I need to do about myself to appeal more to people. Well I tried that, and then you end up with people who know you as a different person. From the other side, however, I don't feel like there's any sort of "doing something about yourself." And after attempt and attempt you loose hope and you give up, and that's where I am right now.

Pretty much the same for me, i'm always told to do things that I don't like so I can get friends but I don't want friends that would be fake and use me in anyway ( I was already used as an English dictionary in English class. ), so I never do what i'm being told about that. I'd rather get true friends like I got over internet than a bunch of people who barely understand me.

[OCG]

I just remembered one video I saw back in May:

[Keane]

I learned to not give shit about them a bit too late because 2 weeks later I dropped out. High school was too hard for me anyway, couldn't keep up with the class.

I'm no genius either. When I come home holding packets of work that has "You will immediately forget this once you can and likely never use it again" written all over it it's that moment when procrastination hits. Big problem is that who teaches the subject can influence your scores hugely. I was more dedicated to being successful in American history last year because for the first time I had a teacher who had real passion for subject, and not in a overly patriotic way.

Pretty much the same for me, i'm always told to do things that I don't like so I can get friends but I don't want friends that would be fake and use me in anyway ( I was already used as an English dictionary in English class. ), so I never do what i'm being told about that. I'd rather get true friends like I got over internet than a bunch of people who barely understand me.

I like to think I could start meeting people I would actually enjoy to be with once I can get out of the school years. And knowing that is what keeps me from getting out anti depression pills because I don't want to let myself break down and rely on those to hold me up.

[Master]

@Zepto, hm, you're a fellow Aspie? Hm, I can relate to some of your troubles, though I admit, I think sometimes I instigated some myself by my lack of social comprehension, though I've improved, I still can come across as socially awkward at times. However, I too was targeted and bullied many a times, and I try to not hold a grudge against those who I know have grown out of doing it, but part of me still holds that hurt even after talking it out, though I try to look past it.

[Zikken]

I learned to not give shit about them a bit too late because 2 weeks later I dropped out. High school was too hard for me anyway, couldn't keep up with the class.

I'm no genius either. When I come home holding packets of work that has "You will immediately forget this once you can and likely never use it again" written all over it it's that moment when procrastination hits. Big problem is that who teaches the subject can influence your scores hugely. I was more dedicated to being successful in American history last year because for the first time I had a teacher who had real passion for subject, and not in a overly patriotic way.

Like algebra yeah. History and geography was pretty fun for me because both class was the same teacher and all we were doing was taking notes and watching documentaries so everyone was getting more than B in those class.

Pretty much the same for me, i'm always told to do things that I don't like so I can get friends but I don't want friends that would be fake and use me in anyway ( I was already used as an English dictionary in English class. ), so I never do what i'm being told about that. I'd rather get true friends like I got over internet than a bunch of people who barely understand me.

I like to think I could start meeting people I would actually enjoy to be with once I can get out of the school years. And knowing that is what keeps me from getting out anti depression pills because I don't want to let myself break down and rely on those to hold me up.

I like to think that too. I never take pills though, they don't have a good effect on me, I only get the side effects.

@Zepto, hm, you're a fellow Aspie? Hm, I can relate to some of your troubles, though I admit, I think sometimes I instigated some myself by my lack of social comprehension, though I've improved, I still can come across as socially awkward at times. However, I too was targeted and bullied many a times, and I try to not hold a grudge against those who I know have grown out of doing it, but part of me still holds that hurt even after talking it out, though I try to look past it.

As of last year I could say I improved a lot but still socially awkward for me. I think it sucks how many people get bullied for having a difference though. Always the good ones who get it. Although I never hold grudge, I never forget what someone said and did even if it was 7 years ago.

[Haruka]

My reason for my anxiety and phobia is that I got so bullied in primary school because that I am autistic (asperger more specifically) that I started to go away from everyone and stay in my own bubble world, not talking to anyone. I never really had a true friend outside of internet either because of that. I started to get scared from talking to people from being used to be told to get away because i'm a "weirdo". Worse thing is, that the school didn't give a crap and let them go after me. It continued in high school and just got depression from that. Ended up failing my second year there twice and then dropped out which leads me here now in adult school. I was bullied while in class, it was pretty bad. Only one person stood up for me and it was a very old class teammate from primary school. Can't do anything but blame the society for my anxiety and phobia.

That really sucks. I have quite history about being bullied too but I've learned to stop giving a shit about those people. Thing I had to deal with last school year was when one these hilarious people decided it would be oh so funny to make racist jokes. Luckily these same people are also incredibly ignorant and I get to choose whether to make them look like idiots by telling them every word they say is incorrect or make them believe the dumbest shit and they'll fall for it. I won't deny that it's tough to speak up for yourself but it's a true relief when you do.

I am not autist but I was a victim of bullying for three followed years, right after going to the 2nd cicle (the 1st cicle is primary school). It was horrible, I still wonder how I held those dark years. I had replics in the 11th grade with my original classmates sadly. But what I did since the first times of bullying, was to ignore everything I was told. It was really difficult to "swallow all those frogs" (Portuguese expression if you are wondering) but it was the best solution since nobody was defending me and teachers didn't care about the insults I was having during classes (And with the difficult temper I have, I did prefer to ignore before I was suddenly sending someone to the nursery and me ending up suspended because of violent aggression, without the school caring if it was as a way to defend myself or not). What saddens and upsets me is that even my Drawing teacher in the 11th grade was telling me that "you have to talk more with the others and be nicer". How could I do that if was them having prejudices about me and not accepting how I am? Why am I forced to change myself just to please them? Obviously, I prefered to be myself and having the consequence of being alone. I was only there for the classes anyway, not to get along with people that discriminate me and invent rumours about me.

[Adsolution]

I also had far more than my fair share of being an elementary school punching bag, mostly due to my physically malformed and blind left eye, my Tourette syndrome, and the fact that I barely knew how to speak English remotely well until I was eight or nine; high school was problematic too, but for different, less trivial reasons. I find that being able to withstand and look past all this is largely an age and maturity thing, though not entirely. By the time I was seventeen, I certainly felt more comfortable being myself in public than I did when I was fifteen or sixteen, and nowadays I have very few shits to give. Due in part however to my quite malnourished environment and homelife, I do at times have a chip on my shoulder and am in some ways still quite childish as a result of it. Admittedly, my aspirations are a likely contributor to my contentedness, but I feel that everyone has something to live for that makes them happy.

I can very well relate to Keane's situation of being forced into an unbearably prolonged situation time and time again. Since there really isn't much you can do to ignore something like moving to a different country, just always look forward to the day you're of age, and free to do as you please; prepare for it, so that you're all ready. Too many parents and adults (whether it be teachers or supposed role-models) don't pay enough attention to their kids' interests, and they can either make or break the whole first quarter of your entire life.

[OCG]

I never had problem in school until 5th grade (counting grades is maybe not same everyware. I was 12 years old). Some new kid in school was very rude to me and was constantly insulting me and eventually. I was ignoring him until our fights started to be physical. We fought a lot and guess who was always blamed for starting fight first and hurting? The big one. Just because he was a lot shorter then me, Teachers always assume that this is how it works: "Big ones are always heartless bullies, poor little ones." Size and hight should not matter in my opinion, and they never even wanted to listen to my side of story. High School was a lot better for me because there were no uncivilized brats. They did have bad habbits and were suggesting me to start drinking and smoking (which I did not want to) but at least they had some level of maturity.

[SegaNintendoUbisoft]

Fuck 4th grade, that is all.

[OCG]

4th grade was the last good one for me in Primary School.

[Haruka]

I hadn't problems in primary school as far as I remember, but the 9th grade and the reattempt of the 10th grade were some of the best years I had.

[Adsolution]

I never had problem in school until 5th grade (counting grades is maybe not same everyware. I was 12 years old).

Over here you're usually ten by the time you go into the fifth grade, and twelve for the seventh.

I hadn't problems in primary school as far as I remember, but the 9th grade and the reattempt of the 10th grade were some of the best years I had.

And coincidentally, grades nine and ten were my worst high school years.

They did have bad habbits and were suggesting me to start drinking and smoking (which I did not want to) but at least they had some level of maturity.

On that note, one of my best friends in grades 11 and 12 was the school's druglord. While half the time we were together she was high off weed, she was still a very responsible person. She only ever asked me once if I wanted to join in.

[Serza5]

I can't remember not having a bad year at Primary school because I was pretty much a cry baby til the end, especially at the last year, due to bullies and peer pressure. High school was only better because I wasn't the focus of bullying and essentially became an outcast.

All I can say is that i'm now laughing at my old "friends" especially that one who recently stabbed a man.

[Zikken]

I also had far more than my fair share of being an elementary school punching bag, mostly due to my physically malformed and blind left eye, my Tourette syndrome, and the fact that I barely knew how to speak English remotely well until I was eight or nine; high school was problematic too, but for different, less trivial reasons. I find that being able to withstand and look past all this is largely an age and maturity thing, though not entirely. By the time I was seventeen, I certainly felt more comfortable being myself in public than I did when I was fifteen or sixteen, and nowadays I have very few shits to give. Due in part however to my quite malnourished environment and homelife, I do at times have a chip on my shoulder and am in some ways still quite childish as a result of it. Admittedly, my aspirations are a likely contributor to my contentedness, but I feel that everyone has something to live for that makes them happy.

I can very well relate to Keane's situation of being forced into an unbearably prolonged situation time and time again. Since there really isn't much you can do to ignore something like moving to a different country, just always look forward to the day you're of age, and free to do as you please; prepare for it, so that you're all ready. Too many parents and adults (whether it be teachers or supposed role-models) don't pay enough attention to their kids' interests, and they can either make or break the whole first quarter of your entire life.

This is probably the most inspirational thing I have ever read in my life. But damn you're blind from your left eye? That..sucks. ): Sounds like you had it more harsh than me.
As for the parents thing, my dad doesn't seem to even give a crap about my interest and tells me to get into sports and stuff like that which I have no interest in and extremely suck at. I'm not an active person and what I want to do in the future has to do with drawing, not sports. Glad that my mom actually gives a shit and encourage me at least.

Fuck 4th grade, that is all.

More like fuck school as a whole. Everyone who is nice and stuff like you guys gets bullied for no apparent reason and I hate that very much. And after that parents wonder why kids hate school.

[Keane]

I can very well relate to Keane's situation of being forced into an unbearably prolonged situation time and time again. Since there really isn't much you can do to ignore something like moving to a different country, just always look forward to the day you're of age, and free to do as you please; prepare for it, so that you're all ready. Too many parents and adults (whether it be teachers or supposed role-models) don't pay enough attention to their kids' interests, and they can either make or break the whole first quarter of your entire life.

My parents are completely soaked up by materialism, and often don't understand that things like a more luxurious house or money don't convince to be more willing to get back to the States. Luckily my mother does encourage me to explore my interests whether she likes them or not. What I really can't stand is how oblivious they are to my dislike of the place. They keep believing that eventually I'll find someone or there'll be a school where everything is Utopia and I'll have tons of friends and find the girl I marry. Doesn't work like that. I've been to three different schools in four years and all of them gave me the same trouble.

What hits me the hardest is that this immigration was so close to being done and now on one of the last days it turns out things will be going unlike I expected. I was hoping to get the chance to interact with some people of my own culture, as well as make use of the opportunity's offered here. There's some great classes on learning languages and learning some instruments, something I was most definitely looking forward to. The only French class I can take now is from the school itself, and it's before school time. As much as I'd like to pick up on the language I'm not about to take on an additional 45 minutes of school and homework. Bleh. I have seen the people of the only musical teaching in the area and was disappointed to see it was just a group of young men giving much less then a single shit about their job, but it could at least get me started.

As for the parents thing, my dad doesn't seem to even give a crap about my interest and tells me to get into sports and stuff like that which I have no interest in and extremely suck at. I'm not an active person and what I want to do in the future has to do with drawing, not sports. Glad that my mom actually gives a shit and encourage me at least.

Fuck 4th grade, that is all.

More like fuck school as a whole. Everyone who is nice and stuff like you guys gets bullied for no apparent reason and I hate that very much. And after that parents wonder why kids hate school.

My parents have come with some of the most desperate things that they could sign me up for. But I appreciate that they do want me to have some better times, although I sometimes question if my father only does it for my mother to stop talking about it. It's funny that when you as a family suddenly get put together in a small home for months that you start to notice things you never thought about before. I never stood still and realised that my relationship with my father doesn't go any further then the most basic talking, or how much bullshit I take from my brother.

[Zikken]

My parents have come with some of the most desperate things that they could sign me up for. But I appreciate that they do want me to have some better times, although I sometimes question if my father only does it for my mother to stop talking about it. It's funny that when you as a family suddenly get put together in a small home for months that you start to notice things you never thought about before. I never stood still and realised that my relationship with my father doesn't go any further then the most basic talking, or how much bullshit I take from my brother.

Its pretty much the same with my dad. We just talk but it doesn't go more far than this, other than rare times where he will actually play something with me that happens like once every 2 years, he will just start arguments with me. I don't think it should be the parent's choice of what activity their kids do. I think that's a bit cruel to force someone do something they hate. I'm glad I never was literally forced into something, but I was always yelled at if i didn't want to go in something I don't like. My dad is still at it though, he doesn't like video games much and I keep telling him its like as if I would force him everyday to play them 8 hours a day non stop, but he doesn't seem to understand anyway.

He keeps telling me that I need to be "normal" but I don't see what he means by that since i'm pretty much what is normal for a teenager other than the fact that i'm a girl that absolutely hate make up and dresses and shit like that. I feel like he is pressuring on me to be who he wants me to be, i'd even rather be a no-gender because he thinks girls needs to be all the sexy thing about make up and doing girly things. Its like as if I would have no right to be myself, which is plain stupid.

[Keane]

My parents have come with some of the most desperate things that they could sign me up for. But I appreciate that they do want me to have some better times, although I sometimes question if my father only does it for my mother to stop talking about it. It's funny that when you as a family suddenly get put together in a small home for months that you start to notice things you never thought about before. I never stood still and realised that my relationship with my father doesn't go any further then the most basic talking, or how much bullshit I take from my brother.

Its pretty much the same with my dad. We just talk but it doesn't go more far than this, other than rare times where he will actually play something with me that happens like once every 2 years, he will just start arguments with me. I don't think it should be the parent's choice of what activity their kids do. I think that's a bit cruel to force someone do something they hate. I'm glad I never was literally forced into something, but I was always yelled at if i didn't want to go in something I don't like. My dad is still at it though, he doesn't like video games much and I keep telling him its like as if I would force him everyday to play them 8 hours a day non stop, but he doesn't seem to understand anyway.

Here they hope to change my mind by telling me all these unlikely stories about how it would go if they gave them a shot. I know reality, and what they tell me is far from that.

He keeps telling me that I need to be "normal" but I don't see what he means by that since i'm pretty much what is normal for a teenager other than the fact that i'm a girl that absolutely hate make up and dresses and shit like that. I feel like he is pressuring on me to be who he wants me to be, i'd even rather be a no-gender because he thinks girls needs to be all the sexy thing about make up and doing girly things. Its like as if I would have no right to be myself, which is plain stupid.

Oh God. Never follow that advice. Most guys I know aren't even attracted by girls trying to be all sexy and overly girly, and I'm one of them. The amount of times people have mentioned their dislike against make up here on RPC...

I have it going on too. I should be into sports because other guys are, listen to what music is popular in the mainstream market, have tons of friends and wear all those typical trendy clothes.

[Zikken]

Here they hope to change my mind by telling me all these unlikely stories about how it would go if they gave them a shot. I know reality, and what they tell me is far from that.

Dad: if you go out more you will get more friends.
Like as if I didn't knew what most teenagers act like when I was in a school with 700 of them. I feel like parents take us for idiots or something.

Oh God. Never follow that advice. Most guys I know aren't even attracted by girls trying to be all sexy and overly girly, and I'm one of them. The amount of times people have mentioned their dislike against make up here on RPC...

I have it going on too. I should be into sports because other guys are, listen to what music is popular in the mainstream market, have tons of friends and wear all those typical trendy clothes.

Eh, I never followed it either, I think make up makes people look "creepy" honestly. Why put on a fake masquerade in front of what mother nature gave you. If you want to put some on because you like it i'm ok with that but never force it upon others.

And ahh I think this is really stupid, the gender of someone should never determine what they should to do or anything in general. If a guy likes to dress up and stuff, paint his nail etc let him do so or if a girl likes to play basketball, wear hoodies and play video games all night, let her do so, its not your life, you should never chose what they should do.

[Adsolution]

My father was the same before he left about eight years ago, which was probably the best thing that could have happened at that point. I saw him for the first time in seven years last year, and as expected, he's even less apt at getting to know me now than he was back then. He's a dick though, and I see him every other month at the very most. Unfortunately, my mother whom I've lived with since then isn't much better. In fact, she's debatably worse, but for different reasons. My father didn't care about anyone at all but himself and would do whatever he could (quite literally) to get his way, yet is quite consistent and identifiable as a person, but my mother is virtually mental. She's extremely hypocritical and selfish, and has a very unrealistic view on… everything. She supports me wanting to do what I want to do, but she believes that in order to get to that point I need to do exactly what she says. I actually believed her version of the world up until I was sixteen, which is when I started to garner a more independent view on life and actually began to speak to people about things outside my home. Only then did I realize how absolutely closed-minded and insane she was. Unfortunately, until I'm able to find a decently high-paying job in composition, I'm stuck with her.

The reason for why so many of us on RPC have dysfunctional home and school lives has always intrigued me. Maybe these times of trouble have provoked an interest in escapism, especially when it brings you to a world as imaginative, surreal and ever-changing as Rayman's, or maybe it's a simple coincidence? I'm more inclined to side with the former, as it's something I've consistently noticed ever since I started lurking here.

[Rayfist]

Reminds me of the time in middle school where the seniors across from us were throwing food at us. I grabbed a chair and threw it at them, the principal gave me a high-five, LOL.

I also had far more than my fair share of being an elementary school punching bag, mostly due to my physically malformed and blind left eye, my Tourette syndrome, and the fact that I barely knew how to speak English remotely well until I was eight or nine; high school was problematic too, but for different, less trivial reasons.

Who really would have thought you turned from that to being one of the smartest people I know, a question about tourettes syndrome from you, how'd you avoid you know... screaming out naughty words now-a-days? What I mean is how do you cover it up?

Middle school was probably few of the most tough years of my life, I was a huge victim of bullying, was never physically beaten, but I had some huge stress problems.

Maybe these times of trouble have provoked an interest in escapism, especially when it brings you to a world as imaginative, surreal and ever-changing as Rayman's, or maybe it's a simple coincidence?

Very much so indeed, however I can't say I don't have it as bad as I use to, videogames in general were a good way of escaping reality for me, and still are to this day.