Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums

[Keane]

I have absolutely no talent at all. I couldn't name a single thing, but when it comes to the subject I try to be optimistic. It's not that I don't have talent, it's that I've been too lazy to create any talent. Had you asked me maybe four, five months ago if I'd ever play an instrument or draw something I'd tell you I can't do shit. Well I still can't play an instrument and I still can't draw but I'm working on it. I'm trying to get there. Like you said yourself, it's your mindset holding you back, not a nonexistent fact that your unable to do certain things. My drawing skill is equal to that of a kindergarten student. But if I keep working on it then one year from now it won't. It'll probably still suck but it'll suck less.

And hey, yer sigs aren't bad. I couldn't make them. Let alone be better at making them.

So it's this constant cycle of me not feeling like crap -> me finding some enjoyment/random moment of happiness -> me feeling selfish for that -> repeat.

That's what I've going through for months. And even though things should be getting better for me I don't imagine it'll go away quickly. But honestly I've had too many sleepless nights and worthless days to really take anymore of it. I'm just gonna pull myself through it.

[Bradandez]

Ugh...today was a total mentally emotional wreck for me. I woke up today and I just wanted to finish a comic that I've been working all week, but this happened to upset my dad saying he dislikes me on the computer all day. Then my mom and dad start telling me why I don't get out more, you do nothing important, and the usual. I bloody hate when they tell me stuff like that. I have nowhere to go, I can't go anywhere since I can't call them via cell in case if something goes awry, and most of my friends are potheads & I don't smoke any of that stuff. Nobody at my school has interest in talking with anybody they don't know, so that just reminded how lonely I'm really am.

I arrive at school and I just felt so empty. I didn't care at all to the point I didn't do any of my assignments. And throughout the whole day, my mind kept throwing pessimistic thoughts one after one. I just feel so depressed today and it came all of a sudden, so that made me feel worse.

[OCG]

You have RPC when you are lonley.
I am also very often lonley IRL but I got used to it over years. Do I regret it? Not really.

[Serza5]

But in short: Don't put yourself down because of the skills of someone else, maybe try to improve by doing something new, looking up tutorials or even asking someone for tricks and stuff, it always help.

I know you mean well with that but I hate hearing that statement, especially given that I would've done that if I had the mental power to do so. You can not just tell me to "not be bothered by others" or "just go practice" because my current mindset simply won't let me. It's like trying to draw on paper but there's a block of glass in the way; you need to remove that before you get anywhere.

But bleh thank you guys anyway. It's much appreciated but I doubt it'd fix my signature block anytime soon.

[Dart]

But in short: Don't put yourself down because of the skills of someone else, maybe try to improve by doing something new, looking up tutorials or even asking someone for tricks and stuff, it always help.

I know you mean well with that but I hate hearing that statement, especially given that I would've done that if I had the mental power to do so. You can not just tell me to "not be bothered by others" or "just go practice" because my current mindset simply won't let me. It's like trying to draw on paper but there's a block of glass in the way; you need to remove that before you get anywhere.

But bleh thank you guys anyway. It's much appreciated but I doubt it'd fix my signature block anytime soon.

I like the serza5-pokemon guy sig, it's very unique.

[Zikken]

I know you mean well with that but I hate hearing that statement, especially given that I would've done that if I had the mental power to do so. You can not just tell me to "not be bothered by others" or "just go practice" because my current mindset simply won't let me. It's like trying to draw on paper but there's a block of glass in the way; you need to remove that before you get anywhere.

I'm sorry I did not know.

[Serza5]

There's nothing wrong with what you've said, and there's no way of knowing I was like that before hand......

[Zikken]

Bleh, still sorry. I'm pretty bad at cheering people up, I should probably not even try, I got such a bad choice of words.

[OCG]

But your intention was good

[Adsolution]

I know you mean well with that but I hate hearing that statement, especially given that I would've done that if I had the mental power to do so. You can not just tell me to "not be bothered by others" or "just go practice" because my current mindset simply won't let me. It's like trying to draw on paper but there's a block of glass in the way; you need to remove that before you get anywhere.

But bleh thank you guys anyway. It's much appreciated but I doubt it'd fix my signature block anytime soon.

Do you remember what it was that inspired you to make so many awesome signatures in the first place? Some of the signatures you've made, Skaarj's for instance, are truly some of the best I've seen on this forum (though it's a shame it was Skaarj of all people), so don't think that there's some skill you lack, it's purely up to whether you feel motivated enough to make them.

[Zikken]

If anything Serza, your sigs were the ones that made me want to make my own in the first place.

[Master]

Hm, sigging is a rather creative thing, time consuming and effort-inducing, seeing as you've been going through more busy times in your life, I can understand why you've not been able to sig as highly as you'd like. Personally though, I don't think the sig market is as bustling as it once was, there used to be a time people would change their sigs regularly, though many these days only change 'em every couple of months.

[Serza5]

Do you remember what it was that inspired you to make so many awesome signatures in the first place? Some of the signatures you've made, Skaarj's for instance, are truly some of the best I've seen on this forum (though it's a shame it was Skaarj of all people), so don't think that there's some skill you lack, it's purely up to whether you feel motivated enough to make them.

I think the only reason I started was because everyone else had one and being the excited new forumer I wanted some to. Needless to say I have had some really bad ones in the past which admitably yet shamefully where made on MS paint.

My only real restraint when it comes to making sigs isn't time (It's something that would be done in my spare time so uni isn't exactly in the way of that) but rather finding something to make sigs on; or rather I only want to make them on Wallace but there is a distinct lack of anything Wallace on the net that is of any reasonable quality, not to mention I dislike the use of fanart, so there's little for me to use. I'd like to do a sig on something else but a part of me just can't bring myself to replace Wallace. Which sounds stupid and fangirly but idk having him there feels more like my "signature" than my username.

[technology4617]

I'm not sure how well I'm adjusting to my new school (transferred from MS to HS). I don't really have any real friends yet, maybe that's to be expected, I don't know, but the school is 5th-12th grade, so everyone seems to know each other pretty well. This could be difficulty with making new friends at a new school, but the area the new school is in is stereotypically considered one of the most antisocial areas in my state. I know it's a stereotype, but there is some evidence that this stereotype is slightly true. But part of me doesn't really want to make new friends; I just want my old friends back lol, but the only way to see them is to hang out on the weekends or something (and it is hard as fuck to actually find a way to contact them), and it is impossible to see them every day like I used to.

I'm also not doing that great academically. My school already starts at 8:00 (my old one started at 8:30 and I already had difficulty getting there on time), and it seems the earlier you get out of the house, the more traffic there is. -_- It's nearly fucking impossible to arrive there on time, and when I get in, everyone looks at me like I'm an idiot for not getting in on time.

Also, every time you don't get an assignment done, you have a seven day window to turn it in (with a massively reduced score), after which you will get a zero on the assignment. And all the time you spend on each previous assignment is time you're not spending on current assignments, so there are inevitably more missing assignments later on. I currently have a B-C average, which is total and utter shit by my standards. I admittedly have some issues with distraction and compulsion (in that when I start something I don't want to stop), so I guess that my trouble with assignments is mostly my fault.

But, still, I'm not happy, and each weekday I dread walking in late, or having to go into that one class where I don't have something done. Then, when I get out, on the drive home, I have to listen to a lecture from my parents about whether they should pull me out of the school because "I'm having so much trouble" or because they're "not sure I like it there" on a good day. On a bad day, verbal abuse and criticism. I think they're legitimately trying to help, but they're doing a piss-poor job.

I neither love or hate my new school, my main feeling at the moment is uncertainty; I think it could either turn into something really great, or be a big, fat pile of shit. I'm not sure at the moment. I guess I should give it more time.

[Keane]

Ugh...today was a total mentally emotional wreck for me. I woke up today and I just wanted to finish a comic that I've been working all week, but this happened to upset my dad saying he dislikes me on the computer all day. Then my mom and dad start telling me why I don't get out more, you do nothing important, and the usual. I bloody hate when they tell me stuff like that. I have nowhere to go, I can't go anywhere since I can't call them via cell in case if something goes awry, and most of my friends are potheads & I don't smoke any of that stuff. Nobody at my school has interest in talking with anybody they don't know, so that just reminded how lonely I'm really am.

I get this a lot. I should abandon the Internet because people apparently are not able to be strong friendships. I guess the people who came to pick us up from the airport were not any kind of friend. You know, people whom my mother met on the internet.

There's nowhere to go here. It takes ten minutes to get out of the neighborhood and then I'm on a road with nothing but others neighborhoods and stores that take easily a half hour, if not more, to walk to. And yeah, next year I can get a drivers license, but where am I gonna go? A fucking supermarket? Eat lunch with myself? And when there is the rare occurrence where I do get out I get attacked with questions as to why I'm doing so and sometimes they'll even tell me I'm not allowed to leave the house. There's no way to please them. I have one friend (There's two people I visit but the other is a pretentious bastard which I only visit so my mother can feel like I'm being sociable). He doesn't live within walking distance but even then we're not really close or anything. He's nice but if I told him and almost anyone on RPC, even people I don't talk too much to, to describe me then RPC would easily take the cake.

Personally, I don't feel lonely. Besides that friend I don't really interact much with anyone at school and I'm fine with that. Only exception being when I have do group or partner work. Seriously, burn the people who come up with that stuff. Like being forced into an uncomfortable situation with people you didn't care enough to get to know yourself is going to create friendships. I do know plenty people but they're not people I care for not want to be around. Not looking forward to them demanding I tell them why I'm back when I enter school again in one or two days. And they also have this enforced thing where you have to meet up with a "mentor" which is just someone in a higher grade which is being forced to interact with you. Yeah, I'm serious. But back to my main point: I feel fine with calling the Internet my social life. Playing a game with people online or people sitting next to you is really not that different. Why do people feel that it's required that you must be interacting with a limited society? The only people who I'm gonna meet are people in my area and in the locations that I visit in that area. On the web I can meet people from all over the world and with sites like DeviantART or a forum about a specific topic chances are you'll meet someone with similar interests.

I'm done with phrases like "changing myself for others" and "showing people you exist". What makes it feel like I'm alone is that I see people around me being social with each other while I'm not, but in reality I talk to more then person everyday when I get out of school. I watch livestreams or play online games. Hell, I even play Deathmatch with a Russian guy who knows maybe three English words so we mess with the body language the game allows. That's not a close friendship of course but it goes to show how much more easy it is to interact with people on the web. The only downside to it is that I constantly have to hear things like you described. Every summer I constantly have to hear how "everyone is together and I'm sitting in my room".

Sorry for the long text. I ramble on too much.

[Son of Dark]

I found out fate and time don't exist

[spiraldoor]

I found out fate and time don't exist

I'm sorry to hear that.

[Adsolution]

I found out fate and time don't exist

What?

[OCG]

I found out fate and time don't exist

How can you find out something thats not true?

[technology4617]

I found out fate and time don't exist

How can you find out something thats not true?

Easy. Go on Urban Dictionary.