George Carlin wrote: A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
George Carlin wrote: Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?
George Carlin wrote: I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade.
George Carlin wrote: Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!
George Carlin wrote: Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin wrote: Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
George Carlin wrote: If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
