Soleria Falls: Reign of Khyber

[Shrooblord]

Dear RPC,

Here I leave to you a story I am currently in the process of writing. Each week will bring a new chapter, most likely. I will post the first chapter on my next post, and so forth. Feel free to comment inbetween if you like. This first post will be reserved for artwork updates and such. Also links to all the chapters' posts will be put here.

Also I would like to mention that this is a story that is highly suspect to rewriting - there exists a chance that earlier chapters will be changed as I write on, but of this I will notify you appropriately.

Without further ado, I encourage you to enjoy reading!
~ Shrooblord



PS
FEBRUARY 2015 EDIT:
Since the story has expanded and I've gotten more creative with my formatting and fonts, I've decided to, instead of posting the plain-text versions of the chapters here in this topic, post a link to the file containing the story as I write it myself - this is how I see it when I write; this is how I like you to see it when you read.

Anyway, here's Soleria Falls:
(Last revision - 16th of February 2015)

[Shrooblord]

FEBRUARY 16, 2015 EDIT:

IN FAVOUR OF A FAR MORE READABLE AND BY ME PREFERRED FORMAT, I'VE REMOVED ALL PLAIN-TEXT CHAPTERS FROM HERE AND INSTEAD LINKED TOWARDS THE ACTUAL DOCX FILE FOR SOLERIA FALLS.

PLEASE SEE THE FIRST POST OF THIS TOPIC FOR DETAILS.

[PluMGMK]

that trembles the trees and makes the old man cower behind a rock, but the bear doesn’t seem to care. It starts a slight gallop, runs and then full-on sprints towards her. Surprised, she readies herself, but is tackled by the spectre and falls to the ground. The bear starts licking her face.

This is the bit that's tense-shifted.

With the line "slaying a demon isn't as hard as it sounds", it sounds like she's trying to say it's easier, but then she says it's harder. Was this intentional irony, or should it be changed? Also the phrase "Child on the Ark of Mother" sounds a bit confusing.

This seems very promising, I hope to see more soon!

[Shrooblord]

Thank you for the feedback! I always look to improve my writing skills.

The tense shift was indeed intentional there (narrative present) - the earlier mistakes of tense shifts have been corrected.

The effect of the demonslaying was intentional as well - she's indeed making you believe she means it's easier, but then surprises you in what she says next (or that's her intention - she's a bit dramatic).

Child on the Ark of Mother - I can see how this sounds a bit strange at first, but it will become more clear in time - however, I wish to explain just to make it more clear right now. Mother is the name of the deity. The city in the sky and more importantly Mother's 'residence' is named the Ark of Mother. Child on the Ark is a title given to specific angels.
I am interested though - why does it sound confusing exactly? I'd like to see if I can improve on that, maybe.

Thank you! And yes, more chapters are incoming! I purposely created a bit of a backlog before starting to post them here, so I'd have at least five weeks of content should I unexpectedly stop writing a couple of weeks in a row.

[Shrooblord]

FEBRUARY 16, 2015 EDIT:

IN FAVOUR OF A FAR MORE READABLE AND BY ME PREFERRED FORMAT, I'VE REMOVED ALL PLAIN-TEXT CHAPTERS FROM HERE AND INSTEAD LINKED TOWARDS THE ACTUAL DOCX FILE FOR SOLERIA FALLS.

PLEASE SEE THE FIRST POST OF THIS TOPIC FOR DETAILS.

[Shrooblord]

FEBRUARY 16, 2015 EDIT:

IN FAVOUR OF A FAR MORE READABLE AND BY ME PREFERRED FORMAT, I'VE REMOVED ALL PLAIN-TEXT CHAPTERS FROM HERE AND INSTEAD LINKED TOWARDS THE ACTUAL DOCX FILE FOR SOLERIA FALLS.

PLEASE SEE THE FIRST POST OF THIS TOPIC FOR DETAILS.

[Shrooblord]

FEBRUARY 16, 2015 EDIT:

IN FAVOUR OF A FAR MORE READABLE AND BY ME PREFERRED FORMAT, I'VE REMOVED ALL PLAIN-TEXT CHAPTERS FROM HERE AND INSTEAD LINKED TOWARDS THE ACTUAL DOCX FILE FOR SOLERIA FALLS.

PLEASE SEE THE FIRST POST OF THIS TOPIC FOR DETAILS.