Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums

[MLII]

that makes a lot of sense! O:

it might make it easier when i get to uni depending on what course i do (if i go to bath i'll have to move out) (not sure if the same applies to bournemouth) because then i can p much do it without her knowing i guess O: i don't think there are any meds that can help or if i even really need them uxu

(true. that is true.)

[Jewish Candy]

Oh yeah, I'm not saying you need to take this or that drug XD

[Xenon]

Oh dear Milly, too much depression lately. Sounds like you are in a similar position to Ad.

Also I wonder, what are your own opinions about social labelling? Would you want people to refer to you as someone with ADHD, or an Aspie, or would you prefer to keep yourself a secret and take personal comfort from it? Or would you prefer no label at all? It's often difficult to offer assistance because people deal with their own differences in their own ways.

I do hope things sort out soon for you though. You seem to otherwise be on a very bright path and you certainly don't look like someone who should lack confidence.

[Adsolution]

i go to hit a key and my finger just sort of nopes and moves to another one.

'nopes' heheh

Also I wonder, what are your own opinions about social labelling? Would you want people to refer to you as someone with ADHD, or an Aspie, or would you prefer to keep yourself a secret and take personal comfort from it? Or would you prefer no label at all? It's often difficult to offer assistance because people deal with their own differences in their own ways.

I suppose it comes down to weighing the benefits. I think that if you 'have' it but no one would really be able to tell and you're able to function completely normally, then there's really no point in getting yourself a diagnosis, because it's likely to only set you back.

If I were to speak for myself regarding my own OCD or PTSD-related symptoms, I would be inclined to get a diagnosis at some point given that they do affect my interactions and performance, they aren't things that I could effortlessly push aside (mostly the former, as it's much more obvious). The diagnosis would give people an idea of where I'm realistically at, what I should be exempt from for practical purposes, and it would help to avoid the need for an explanation if they do, for whatever reason, act up quite badly at some point. That said, it's not utterly imperative for me, it just would be very relieving seeing as I've run into a number of situations where I may end up being extremely uncomfortable doing something, or have had to just drop what I'm doing to deal with it. I also have minor epilepsy (I've never gotten a seizure from things like flashing lights, but I can get massive headaches and they really screw with my mind), and the surprising majority of people I mention this to when dealing with theatre production tests completely ignore me if I can't provide them with an official diagnosis.

The only thing I do have a diagnosis for so far is my very poor vision and left eye being legally blind, which is probably the most important issue for me overall.

I don't reside anywhere on the autistic spectrum (ADD, ADHD, Asperger's, whatever it may be), but I'd say that the same would go for that. Whichever decision will satisfy you and offer you some kind of relief or happiness is probably the one that's right for you.

[rolesfamily]

Well, you shouldn't go for a steady relationship (I somehow got the feeling you're talking about this kind of "like" - correct me if I got it wrong) with someone you don't trust, simple as that. Either way, if you're unsure about it, maybe you should try to confront her with her past; not like going all out immediately, but maybe step by step getting her to explain herself. Hearing her reasons or finding out that she had a change of heart may change your mind.
If you'd like to hear my personal opinion: Humans are bound to make mistakes, so even if someone has had a bad past, they should deserve a second chance. Whether you'll give that to her or not is entirely your decision.

And that's about all the advice I can give you on this matter, sorry. :/

Thanks for the reply - Well that's the thing, I'm very conflicted. My instinct says no, but if I look at things rationally and deal with what I've seen from personal experience then there is nothing to worry about. It also concerns me that I seem to be the one who does a lot of the pursuing, which is never a good sign.

[Cairnie]

Why on earth would declaring that you're on the autistic spectrum mean that you wouldn't get a job? That kinda almost sounds like discrimination to me.

[Adsolution]

I don't think it was meant literally. If it's not apparent I doubt most people would have a problem with it at all. But again, there's a stigma, so it could even for example be the difference between you and someone else equally as skilled getting a particular job.

[Shrooblord]

Some of my best friends have autism - and they're a lot more fun to hang out with than some of my other friends who don't. Autism says absolutely nothing. It's just a way of how you are, just like that I'm blonde-haired, that Ad paints his hair or that Cairnie is a woman. Whatever, y'know.

[MrBadGuy]

It's a bigger difference than hair colour. From what I've read it involves a lack of empathy, which is a little frightening.

That being said, what I read could have been wrong

[Adsolution]

You're not wrong, at harsher levels it is a social impedence which is undesirable to many, and thus when it comes down to getting a job that relies heavily on social interaction or bedside manner, they're likely to pick the one that doesn't exhibit notable traces of autism. That said, not all 'more heavily' autistic people are going to be apathetic, some can be more caring than any of us, it goes along with and magnifies your personality type, something which most people without any kind of autism have no trouble morphing depending on the situation they're in. Autistic people have a harder time doing that.

[MrBadGuy]

Interesting, so if I'm naturally silly, I'd have an easier time being all polite and racist in front of a ukip customer?

[Adsolution]

polite and racist

What?

[MrBadGuy]

Well, in that scenario, that's what the customer would consider politeness.

It was just an example of adapting personality in response to differing circumstances.

[Adsolution]

I suppose so then, definitely.

[MrBadGuy]

Yeah I see that, so basically an autistic person wouldn't make a good actor?

[Adsolution]

Fiction is different obviously, I'm speaking moreso in the practical sense.

You know that though, I'm not gonna make a fool outta myself.

[MrBadGuy]

Ok, but I'd think that would bleed into acting, since it involves "putting yourself in those shoes" etc.

I know a dude who is on the spectrum, and he certainly has trouble with acting, having now resigned himself to more "behind the camera" positions.

[Adsolution]

You're right, it probably would, though I'd imagine on a smaller scale as with acting, you have the time to consider your character's emotions, whereas on the bedside, you don't really.

[Master]

Hmm, as an Aspie, I do admit, I'm more reserved and sometimes a little cold. I can see why acting may not be the best occupation.

[Rulez]

It's been a long time since I've decided to post here, but never did because I never found the time to actually write something worthwhile and long. I couldn't get around to writing this, but I found the time to write dumb jokes in other threads anyway, which made me feel like shit kinda. I still don't have much time, I gotta go start reading a marimba etude. But I'll copypaste the thing from a conversation I had with Ad.

I had a period in my life, grades 4-6 (about a year after my parents' divorce; like now, every weekend I went to my father's, except he was still an alcoholic then and the house was dirty, messy and cold), when every Saturday I went to bed, turned on the radio, thought about death and time, and cried in my pillow. What made this memorable for me is this really depressing (for me personally) song that was popular on the radio at the time, so I heard it every weekend (obviously not for 3 years straight, but it lasted long), and it always made me just fucking bawl. It's not straightforward sad; it's like, bittersweet and would be happy if it weren't for the eerie, depressing lyrics. It's about how the clock is permanently moving forward. The chorus is so memorable I still kind of frown when I imagine it. Compare the atmosphere to Muse's Endlessly or Radiohead's Street Spirit (verses only!). I couldn't sleep, because, what made me terrified as a 12 year old, a day would come when my grandma, my mom, hell, my dad, they all will die and I will never ever talk to them again. I've gotten used to the thought, but I was such an emotional wreck then, wow. Just kind of wanted to say that.

Here's the song:


And the lyrics roughly translate to:

You would like to, at least for a moment,
Stop the merciless clock
May it please come to its senses
May it take a breath, take a rest

The pendulum made out of brass
Is growing tired, the poor thing
Without its hold
You'd be more careless
It's something not understandable
The mechanism's always in a hurry

This clock is completely soulless
It doesn't know mercy, it doesn't know the pain
When everything slips out of your hands
When you try to outrun the clock

When the clock rushes forward
Set yourself up and turn back
Halted, it actually twitched
Hold the clock's hand and turn back
When the clock rushes forward
Push hard and turn back
No, don't let him
Dictate your every step
So turn back

The pendulum made out of brass
Is growing tired, the poor thing
The mechanism completely tired
Just for a few miserable moments

When the clock rushes forward
Set yourself up and turn back
Halted, it actually twitched
Hold the clock's hand and turn back
When the clock rushes forward
Push hard and turn back
No, don't let him
Dictate your every step
So turn back

No, no don't let him
No, no don't let him
No, don't let him dictate your every step
Laugh at his face

Sometimes, I still feel like everything will once day fall apart. Yes, I'm only 17. But I tend to overthink stuff like that. Living forever would be interesting.

Funnily, I recently (maybe last year?) wrote a song (moreso just lyrics; I've still yet to imagine a good enough melody and everything else) about kind of a relationship and kind of a fear of death and time. And now I realised, all of this probably influenced me subconsciously. What are your thoughts on time, guys?