It's been a long time since I've decided to post here, but never did because I never found the time to actually write something worthwhile and long. I couldn't get around to writing this, but I found the time to write dumb jokes in other threads anyway, which made me feel like shit kinda. I still don't have much time, I gotta go start reading a marimba etude. But I'll copypaste the thing from a conversation I had with Ad.
I had a period in my life, grades 4-6 (about a year after my parents' divorce; like now, every weekend I went to my father's, except he was still an alcoholic then and the house was dirty, messy and cold), when every Saturday I went to bed, turned on the radio, thought about death and time, and cried in my pillow. What made this memorable for me is this really depressing (for me personally) song that was popular on the radio at the time, so I heard it every weekend (obviously not for 3 years straight, but it lasted long), and it always made me just fucking bawl. It's not straightforward sad; it's like, bittersweet and would be happy if it weren't for the eerie, depressing lyrics. It's about how the clock is permanently moving forward. The chorus is so memorable I still kind of frown when I imagine it. Compare the atmosphere to Muse's Endlessly or Radiohead's Street Spirit (verses only!). I couldn't sleep, because, what made me terrified as a 12 year old, a day would come when my grandma, my mom, hell, my dad, they all will die and I will never ever talk to them again. I've gotten used to the thought, but I was such an emotional wreck then, wow. Just kind of wanted to say that.
Here's the song:
And the lyrics roughly translate to:
You would like to, at least for a moment,
Stop the merciless clock
May it please come to its senses
May it take a breath, take a rest
The pendulum made out of brass
Is growing tired, the poor thing
Without its hold
You'd be more careless
It's something not understandable
The mechanism's always in a hurry
This clock is completely soulless
It doesn't know mercy, it doesn't know the pain
When everything slips out of your hands
When you try to outrun the clock
When the clock rushes forward
Set yourself up and turn back
Halted, it actually twitched
Hold the clock's hand and turn back
When the clock rushes forward
Push hard and turn back
No, don't let him
Dictate your every step
So turn back
The pendulum made out of brass
Is growing tired, the poor thing
The mechanism completely tired
Just for a few miserable moments
When the clock rushes forward
Set yourself up and turn back
Halted, it actually twitched
Hold the clock's hand and turn back
When the clock rushes forward
Push hard and turn back
No, don't let him
Dictate your every step
So turn back
No, no don't let him
No, no don't let him
No, don't let him dictate your every step
Laugh at his face
Sometimes, I still feel like everything will once day fall apart. Yes, I'm only 17. But I tend to overthink stuff like that. Living forever would be interesting.
Funnily, I recently (maybe last year?) wrote a song (moreso just lyrics; I've still yet to imagine a good enough melody and everything else) about kind of a relationship and kind of a fear of death and time. And now I realised, all of this probably influenced me subconsciously. What are your thoughts on time, guys?