i'll try to keep these fairly to the point
Itooh wrote:Would it be hazardous to ask yourself if you're not already depressed?
Nah, it doesn't really match up, and I don't want to self-diagnose it either. My shitty feels usually come in long periods, often triggered by something like entering a new year or starting to feel isolated. It probably lasts like, dunno, 3 weeks-3 months.
Itooh wrote:Even though it's not guaranteed, of course. But in any case, it's better for you to be open about those issues if they really bother you. Talking helps. And in that idea, relative ones should be addressed. Even if some can give pretty bad advice (“Just stop worrying!”, “Go meet other people, it's easy, I can do it then so do you!”, “Just think of yourself as a good person.”…), it's important to keep the connections you have, and not be completely alone.
I'm perfectly comfortable keeping my family ignorant to this whole thing. I outed it two years back, and while my parents are supportive people, their response to this kinda stuff is extremely dismissive and frustrating. When something is affecting me on such a daily basis and it gets reduced to a "but you're a teen and you don't really have serious issues" I'd rather not bring it up.
Itooh wrote:If I could give a suggestion, that should be taken as what it is, an advice from someone who never suffered from severe depression, it would be to get involved in personal projects. I practically never go outside with friends, join parties, meet new people, thus most of my evenings and week-end are spent enjoying/suffering my own company. So to compensate, I work on projects that I like. Learning to create video-games, making montage, writing, maybe music or drawing… Getting motivated enough is hard, and it can sometimes feel useless and complete crap. But it keeps my mind busy for a while, and in the end, I'm glad I've created something, and learned a lot.
That's the only good point I can find of isolation: it offers time.
Yeah I try, I honestly gotta admit it all feels like a task though. My guitar lessons are expensive af and I treat it like school basically, mostly because it's literally one-on-one interaction with my teacher and well, you can probably imagine how that goes down in my book. I do it to feel like I am actually attempting something, rather than just obeying what anxiety would prefer me to do.
Acarr wrote:
It might be worth it go to see a counsellor. You could probably find a counselling service for free, especially since you're a student. It can't hurt to try it. If it helps, it helps. If it doesn't at least you tried.
Big let down, honestly. First counselor I tried didn't take me serious and his approach was soaked in "I'm mostly here because I get a lot of vacations". Once I brought up my concerns about this he immediately shipped me off to another counselor, quality service. The second one was a lot kinder though, and I kinda enjoyed our meetings. The only problem was that she couldn't offer much that I didn't already know, and things just went nowhere.
As for right now, long story short, I can't access a new counselor in any near future.
Xenon wrote:A solution won't come to you, you need to generate that solution yourself. The way you talk in your posts suggests some mysterious and anonymous third party is involved and is preventing you from being your true self and achieving your goals, while it's actually down to you and your (almost certainly) misplaced opinions about yourself and lack of confidence. And even if the negative opinions of yourself are founded (which, again, I highly doubt), you are in control to change yourself. That's what's great about being an adult.
Well I mean, I'm pretty aware of how to approach and deal with things, it's just a matter of how to execute it. I know how to fix this shit, and I have all the opportunities to do it, I just have no sense of how or when to act upon it. When I say I'm socially inept, I mean like, really actually unable to do a simple conversation. Nothing can go wrong, I have to be prepared for anything they might say, and even though I know it's bullshit to think like that, I can't stop it.
When I talk about a solution, I really only see professional help as the answer. I'm fairly confident self-esteem will come as things go, but like I said in the LGBT thread, even if there's no anxiety involved I still can't do shit. A lot of advice often revolves around "go to new places with new people" but the real problem is that when I do I'm still the quiet weird kid because I'll say hi and that's about it for me. From counselors to parents, they all overlook this, and the actual social anxiety itself becomes swept under the rug while we discuss the symptoms of it.
I know I'm not half the things I accuse myself of, but there's just nothing to like either. I know it sounds corny, but outside of RPC I can confidently say no one sees half of what you guys do, and when you do want to out it but you just don't know how, it's the most trapped feeling.
Xenon wrote:A while ago I suggested joining a gym, and it's come up again recently. Have you done so yet? I promise you it will improve your confidence, and even if you're too shy to join a gym, buy some weights and start exercising at home. Also, try doing things that promote independence. Go into your local town on your own and enjoy a Starbucks. If you're old enough and can afford it, start learning to drive.
Yeah, I exercise at home.
As for driving, kinda screwed there. My brother and I have zero have car access.
Xenon wrote:Please don't take this post as a criticism, it really ain't that and I respect you hugely for being so honest. It's just, it sounds like you need a kick up the ass in the right direction, because it seems as though you're making excuses for your behaviour by subsuming yourself under the 'social anxiety' guise. You're a great guy because you're likeable here, so I'm certain you have the ability to be great irl. You just need to dig for that yourself and not wait for change to come to you.
Oh no, it's fine dude, I hugely appreciate people taking time to read and respond to it. I don't people holding a pity party for me.
