Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
Boring, lazy, pandering, unfocused, unfunny fucking
SCHLOCK! The only reason any of it felt occasionally creative was probably because it's based off a comic that looks way cooler than the movie. Dane DeHaan is a spectacularly bad actor, he knows basically one tone of voice and facial expression, neither of which express any kind of emotion, and that's what he does for the entire movie. He felt like the exact same character as he was in A Cure For Wellness - a slight douchebag with a sarcastic sense of humour who reacts indifferently to everything, making him just really unlikable and unrelatable. I think in that movie it sort of worked with the grim tone they were going for, but here he's supposed to be playing a bad boy character who's assertive and a "lady's man", it's the worst casting choice I could've come up with.
They're going for this sarcastic, cynical humour and it just falls flat every single time. Here's Valerian attempting jokes:
- Shop keeper: Welcome to my store Dane
- Dane: Yeah, I bet you're trying to welcome me
- Hotel owner: We hope you enjoyed your stay
- Dane: Oh yeah, course I enjoyed it! Cause sleeping in a bed is so fun!
- Waitress: Is the food good?
- Dane: Oh yeah, your terrible meals are great!
And this goes on throughout the entire movie.
There's also Rihanna in the movie because I guess they needed something to market it with, considering her appearance is literally a pointless filler scene. She also voices over a CG character which was alright. The only real positive I can give is the "visual spectacle" was pretty good, it's all colourful and nice to look at, and I'll give them some props for making CG characters act pretty human-like.
Bzzit said:
What did you think of the comic relief character? i thought he was just the right amount of silly to lighten up the sombre tone
Yeah he was fine, I think a lot of movies have kind of done the same thing (he's basically Dobby from Harry Potter) but I don't really mind because they're usually written well.