Jokes topic

When I look at chocolate, I hear two voices in my head.

The first one says: “You need to eat that chocolate.”

The other voice goes: “You heard. Eat the chocolate.”
 
Here's a bad joke :lol:

What sits up a tree and goes "Aaaaaah"?
An owl with a speech impediment.
 
The Jonster...

Hahaha I'm kidding it just came to me there :lol:
 
Steo said:
The Jonster...
Hahaha I'm kidding it just came to me there :lol:
Click to expand...

Omg...:lol:

Wait for me honey, I’m just finishing my make-up.

You don’t need make-up, Jane.

Oh, Richard…. really? That is so sweet of you!

You need plastic surgery.
 
I'm glad I was used as a joke. :lol:

Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach.
At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.
 
The Jonster said:
I'm glad I was used as a joke. :lol:
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I feel bad now for doing that even though I was joking :lol:

Windows phones am I right?
 
Nooo stop that :lol:

Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman.
A good example: “I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!”
 
The simpsons wrestling. (I'll start doing proper ones after this because this is dumb :lol:)
 
:lol: Proper ones?!? You mean none of yours were real?!?! :lol:

Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.
 
The Jonster said:
Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.
Click to expand...
Kevin Bloody Wilson :P

When I said back to the drawing board I didn't literally mean put your back up to the drawing board and erase all the hard work.
 
What's with these aeroplanes in the night sky like shooting stars? I could really use s wish right now.

I don't know why I even did that :lol:
 
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

Doctor: "Nine."
 
Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”
 
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