Australian Letter of the Year - Fabulous!
A fabulous characteristic of Australians is that we are far more direct
and outspoken than others when dealing with the sort of elected w*nker
who wouldn't otherwise get the full drift of what we were trying to
communicate.
Below is one such wonderful communication...
Dear Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe
this.
How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows
that I bought a Television Set and Golf Clubs from them back in 1997,
and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and
on what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the
income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years. It is on my driver's
licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid
customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off
the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census
forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.
Also..would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my
mother's name is Audrey, my Father's name is Jack, and I'd be
absolutely
f*cking astounded if that ever changed between now and when I drop
dead!!!...
SH*T!
I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I'm really p*ssed off this morning.
Between you an' me, I've had enough of all this bullsh*t! You send the
application to my house, then you ask me for my f*cking address!! What
the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless
Neanderthal a*seholes workin' there!
And another thing, look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I
can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New
Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a
Kiwi girl). And would someone please tell me, why would you give a sh*t
whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got
the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me,
I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the
city, and get another f*cking copy of my birth certificate, and to part
with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to
assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?? Nooooo..
that'd be too f*cking easy and makes far too much sense. You would much
prefer to have us running all over the place like chickens with our
f*cking heads cut off, and then having to find some high society w*nker
to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the
photo..the one where we're not allowed to smile?! ...you f*cking morons
Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.
P.S Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in
high-society to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this
country since before 1850! In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms
with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade!!)
I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army something over 30
years (I went to Vietnam in 1968), and still have high security
clearances. I'm also a personal friend of the president of the RSL.. and
Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.
However, your rules require that I have to get someone 'important' to
verify who I am; You know.. someone like my doctor; WHO WAS BORN AND
RAISED IN F*CKING PAKISTAN !!!......a country where they either
assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers, and are suspended from the
Commonwealth for not having the 'right sort of government.'
You are all F*cking idiots
ops2:
