Something Bothering you?/Daily Doldrums

[iHeckler9]

Oh, you know, chillin' out in the afterlife being a sexy internet angel. S'good. AW LEMME GIB U A HUGGLE *squeeze* Real talk, it was you worrying that I was dead (somewhere in the You Game, methinks) that brought me back here. I made a biggish Halloween post in the introduce yourself topic so I refer you there for the lowdown on the Candish situation, if you so desire

How have YOU been? Am I right in thinking at least one of my Milly OTPs is sailing?

None of what you said sounds too creepy-stalky at all, but everyone's different. Do ask 'em if you feel up to it!

Welcome back JC. It's been ages.

Anyway, onto the bad part of what was otherwise a really good day. I was browsing Steam and I saw this game that I really liked the look of. It was marked down from £13 to £2.70, but I'd read that it was basically a graphically-enhanced version of two previous games I already own on PS2 (and am rather good at). So, in haste, I bought it on impulse, only to immediately regret my decision cos there's a chance it won't work on my computer and I liked just having six of the series anyway. Also it would be my first time playing a game in that series on PC, so I would be a complete beginner if I started again.
I feel really bad cos I can't get a refund (which was my own dang fault) and I can't get back to happiness.

[Adsolution]

How much was the purchase?

[iHeckler9]

How much was the purchase?

It was marked down from £13 to £2.70

[Adsolution]

How did I miss that?

Anyway, I don't see the need to feel bad over a mere two-pound purchase. That's like paying for parking; I don't usually hear of people getting worked up over having to pay two or three dollars to park somewhere because the lot is full. At the same time, it could be annoying in principle, but looking at things "in principle" is usually the demise of rational thought!

[saerleiya]

I feel really bad cos I can't get a refund (which was my own dang fault) and I can't get back to happiness.

You are not the only one: I'd like to have my 100 bucks from my purchase+3 months paiement for Wildstar back, but it actually made me realise that I don't like the MMORPG genre anymore, or that at least I don't have enough time for these anymore.

Speaking about things bothering me:
My father doesn't seem to like my recent behaviour. He sent me an email to tell me I was playing too much on my computer while in a room in the basement (which is, in fact, the room where he spends some time blowing off steam and smoking, hum, things), that I wasn't still realising I was losing tons of money and opportunities again because I wasn't searching enough for a job, and that my master in Engineering was being wasted by my behaviour. Well, guess what?

a) I'm playing a bit too much at the moment, i agree with that. But it is mostly due to me going back home after a nice weekend with my GF. It's always like that, I can't help myself but expressing my sadness of being alone again by messing up my daily schedule and doing improductive things, like, playing video games. I should talk about it with him, maybe he'll understand.

b) I have still been searching for a job during this week, but as he told me, I didn't send dozens and dozens of applications so I can keep track of them and not look like a spammer if I happend to send 10 applications to the same company...

c) Doing improductive things seem to imply spending hours driving with a driving teacher, preparing my driving exam which will take place next monday, and paying 700€ from my own wallet. YES, THAT IS VERY IMPRODUCTIVE! (it probably seems to him because I started trying to obtain my driving license almost two years ago,n but I'm not talented for that and I need time. Also I didn't see the interst before, as I have living for a long time in Paris...).

d) My degree is being wasted...while I got it in my mail box only one month ago, and that even engineers take an average of three to find their job. Besides, I have many friends in the same case as me, and some of them haven't been tryharding in order to find a job. Yet I'm getting what looks like a HUGE blame for that.

But the most incredible thing is that he chose to send me an email for that WHILE I'M LIVING IN THE EXACT SAME HOUSE!

Am I so asocial or looking so that way that he considers it's better to do that rather than going directly to me and talk with me about the issue? Maybe it was that which made him look so annoyed and silent during the middle of the week, but I thought it was related to his job or something else and not to me. You know, if you keep thinking you are always the problem when your parents look annoyed and angry sometimes, it keeps you down. I know that, I've done that before. So now I've stopped feeling guilty about it, but of course now when it's really the case, it's blowing up right before my face from nowhere.

From all the people around me, he is probably the only one with who I have a difficult and complicated relationship. I don't know if the issue is him not considering I am an adult and getting pissed by that, or simply not wanting to talk about his own personal problems with me and only wanting us to focus onto my problems. And because our relation can't be equivalent on the contrary to the ones I have with my mother, with my little brothers, with my friends, I feel restricted and not able to talk freely with him.

I am 23 years-old and I have finished my studies. I am about to start working in the world of engineering. I can work on cars, aeronautics, railroads, etc...yet he seems to keep thinking I am not an adult because I keep playing "childish games" like Rayman, or buying books about it. And because of that, he already called me a "kid" a few times while I was in my engineering school.

Why is it so hard to explain that I want to feel like a kid in order to be able to deal with the "adult" world, where in fact people are simply older children which are now able to give a concrete and realistic aspect to their childhood's dreams? I can't find the answer. I'm still having a hard time talking with me, because since I was a teenager I haven't been able to make the difference between him saying he was right no matter what I was saying, or that he was wrong and admitted it quickly beofre moving on to the next subject. He always seems to want to show he is right, and now with this idea deep into my mind, I can't find a way to tell him all what I'm feeling which is in direct confrontation with his own way of thinking, that it is valid, and that he won't be able to change a fuck to it. I have the feeling I'm the only one who can accept the other's way of thinking/dealing with problems, that he can't or doesn't want to, and that just because I have less "life experience" I don't have a point for that.

An evening with some good friends of mine yesterday helped me get a bit over it, but I still feel a bit upset by all this shit.

[Shrooblord]

That sounds strange indeed, saer. Have you talked to him about this problem since he sent the e-mail? For the rest, I can't quite imagine why he wouldn't want to see that you're a grown man now other than a fear of him losing you - I guess it must be hard on him seeing his little 'kid' grow up and not liking being called 'kid' anymore. But his reactions and way of approaching you seem a bit inappropriate. However, I can't clearly judge since I'm completely out of context. I'd say try to talk to the guy. He's your father after all - you two should be able to work it out some way or another.

[Keane]

Tinnitus is scaring me a bit. My right ear feels like it's on the edge of having it permanently. I've got high pitched noise now, with no idea when or if it will go away. Luckily it's always a very mild case, something that's blocked out during school. At home, though, it can get awful. I can't focus on conversation, and music only helps take focus off of it, but ultimately it's here and I just have to endure it. The thing is, if it stays like this, I could live with it, but it can get worse as you grow older, and that terrifies me. I already tend to ban myself from using headphones and constantly have ambient music on to try to drown it, and this is just the mildest case that, for all I know, can be gone in 1-2 days and stay gone for weeks. The worst part is that once it starts, you want to know how bad it is immediately and judge how long it might last and determine the possibility of it being permanent, but I had to wait until 9 PM to finally get a good listen.

What I'm currently hearing is scarier than the previous two weeks, but I don't feel like it's permanent yet. But definitely on the edge. I really hope that if it does ever happen, it's a low pitch, I've heard those videos and they don't feel as cold and irritating. Really, the current sound isn't that bad. It's just that contaminate feeling it gives me. It's the same with when my social anxiety is triggered: That feeling of having something that bothers you and no one around you is able to experience it with you or relate.

[rolesfamily]

Sorry to hear about the tinnitus Keane. All the best.

One of my best friends have invited me to this party thing, but I really really don't want to go. I'm trying to explain that but he's not really having it. It's a pain, because he's one of my best friends and I don't want to let him down. But this is something I really don't want to go to.

[Snagglebee]

I'm sorry to read Kean

That sucks roles....

Welllllllll.. there is that game called 'Dota' and some of my friends actually really love that game, and they meet up every sunday or saturday night to play that. I'd love to go with them, but actually I don't like that game and I think it would be very boring for me, just to sit there and watch them playing so I keep saying no.. ._.

[rolesfamily]

Hah, that's funny the friend I'm talking about plays DOTA too!

It's annoying me now, because I texted him back at half 12 (afternoon) and I've had no reply all day and it's just gone 9pm.

Seriously, don't get this. Just because I said no to going to something?

[Snagglebee]

Yeah, getting no answer bothers me too, though

I just get the impression, that I am getting ignored, which leads me to think that the person I am texting don't like me anymore or something.

[rolesfamily]

Well this would suck considering he's one of my best friends, despite how he's acting to this situation

[Keane]

Surprisingly, the tinnitus actually improved so quickly so well that it was gone the next morning, but that pain and high pitched sound definitely wasn't nothing. I'd almost be willing to say I lost a very small bit of hearing in my right ear. I don't hear less, but I've noticed that there are random times when my own voice sounds almost as if though I'm hearing it from another room. But as long as I can avoid anymore exposure to loud sound I should be okay. I think maybe the fire alarm going off in the school building on the same day that my ear got high pitched had something to do with it: That alarm was pure torture.

[Shrooblord]

I have a high-pitched tone going through my ears throughout my life too. However, when I start hearing it, I start ignoring it too and eventually I don't even notice it throughout most of the day. It's in moments of dead silence that it returns. But it doesn't bother me so much anymore. You learn to live with it like it's the sound of your heartbeat. It's just there and it's going to be there anyway so you might as well enjoy it as though it were meant to be there. Ain't no use getting all worked up over it 'cause that won't solve it, only make it worse.

It took me a few weeks to get adjusted to it, but since then I've had months on end where I thought I'd gotten rid of it completely, possibly because I'd adjusted to it so well that I didn't even hear it anymore. It's here now though. And it's very faint. But I know what it sounds like when it suddenly gets awfully loud. That can persist for a good few minutes too, but it'll die off eventually.

[Earth Gwee]

I've been noticing this past month or so that once in a while I'd hear a rushing sound in my right ear, like I'm hearing the rush of blood with each heartbeat. It doesn't last long, but it does happen. I'm not sure why.

[saerleiya]

I've been noticing this past month or so that once in a while I'd hear a rushing sound in my right ear, like I'm hearing the rush of blood with each heartbeat. It doesn't last long, but it does happen. I'm not sure why.

Some problems are not that important. It depends on the way your body works (yes, every body is different, and they don't have the exact same problems). For example, each time I'm working out or doing some kind of effort which leads to intense breathing, the conducts between my nose and my ears are contracting or spreading wide, so I'm feeling as if I'm diving under water with a differential of pressure between the inside and the outside of my ears. It's a weird feeling, but it's not that big of a deal, and after some a few minutes of recovery it's gone.

The rush of blood with each heartbeat happens when you heart is pumping harder. I guess it's that, because this is what happens when I'm hearing it through my ears. Either that or you are compressing your ears with something, causing the pressure to increase in this particular area of your body. But it happens every single time you are pressing a part of your body against something.

[Keane]

Permanent tinnitus, as long as it's not a serious case, wouldn't really bother me. If anything, it irritates me more that sometimes I just have to give up on headphones, even if they're already nearly silent.

I've been noticing this past month or so that once in a while I'd hear a rushing sound in my right ear, like I'm hearing the rush of blood with each heartbeat. It doesn't last long, but it does happen. I'm not sure why.

That's a good way to describe it. I have that sometimes and it'll last for like 5 or 6 days.

[Shrooblord]

I've been noticing this past month or so that once in a while I'd hear a rushing sound in my right ear, like I'm hearing the rush of blood with each heartbeat. It doesn't last long, but it does happen. I'm not sure why.

I have that ocassionally but most often when I'm lying in bed. I lie sideways so I imagine it must be what saer said before - increasing the pressure in the blood vessels near the ear, causing your hearing sense to pick up on the sound as the blood travels through them more forcefully than usual.

If it's different than normal, your brain's gonna pick up on it. If it's like it's always been, your brain will filter it out. Kind of like that high-pitched tone I discussed earlier. Once you've noticed it's there, it's only a matter of time until you don't. That doesn't mean it's not there, just that you're filtering it out like it's 'background noise'.

[Earth Gwee]

Yeah, I do know the brain will eventually decide that the noise isn't there anymore. Same thing happens with the floaters in our eyes. I can't remember the specific term for it though, but yeah. The thing is, I don't think I'm actually putting that much pressure near my ear when I hear the rushing sound, so I dunno.

EDIT: Sensory adaptation. That's the term.

[Shrooblord]

No, sometimes you can hear it come up randomly too. I have that once in a while - but I recognise it from when I put pressure on the blood vessels, so I assume it's just gonna be that: there's more pressure in those blood vessels when you hear that sound. Hey, if it don't feel right, maybe get it checked out by a doctor. But I think it's nothing to worry about.